Partner loosing interest

What signs do you notice when your partner is loosing interest in their relationship with you? I've been with my boyfriend almost 3 years. And he always lived with his parents and didn't have steady work for 7 or more years. Now he has a summer job, a new kitten and he never calls me back like he says he is going to. If I ever say anything about this he turns the tables on me every time. I am just not going to bother anymore. I recently went threw a major depressive episode by myself and he never even noticed. My workplace did. So now after a month of the doctor changing my medications I have go back very soon to see what is next. Maybe the way he treats me contributes to my depression. i was hoping this time I really had it right.

13 Replies

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  • Hi Lacey I think if you have to ask this question its time to call time

    On this relationship.

    Why put up with this guy ? it's no wonder you are Depressed, a good partner

    Is interested in the other partner and both support and love each other.

    From what you say this is not happening in your relationship, I am being brutally

    Honest now, and you need to move on with your life without him. Why put

    Up with so little. Just start to work on your self esteem and see why you accept

    This kind of man or relationship.

    Warm hugs

    Hannah xx

  • Thank-you Hannah. I see him so little anyway in person. He has a summer job for 14 shifts this summer. He had to get up at 4am and asked me set set my alarm to telephone him. I work at 9am. So I did ring him am 4am and went back to sleep.

    Then yesterday he rings me at 7pm. Our routine would of been him calling me atleast twice more before that. He said he had to at work for 5am Sunday morning. I asked him twice about it being 5am and he said yes. Well he never uses the Internet on his phone in fact I don't think he can. I had sent him an e-birthday card on Friday and the reciept to my account said it was opened at 5am.

    He said he was taking me shopping today- and also he was coming over Sunday night. This is Monday morning and at 7pm last evening he promisedmtomcall me back after ending our call because someone rang him on the other line. And he never called me back.

    I am just stopping calling him all together. I don't act depressesd in front of him or do anything other what he wants to do when we are together. I have done this before with my former relationship where I get used to them being gone before it happens. He sits outside with his cat on a leash under ambush everyday.. And now it is two hours because of the second cat.

    He said the kitten he found was hated by his adult cat and he wanted the kitten to live with me. That was Thursday. I was happy about this although I don't care much for cats. I was happy because it meant he was going to spend more time with me. But then he told me after a day of me preparing to get cat- that his mother is too bonded to it to give it to me. I didn't want it anyway but still he said before he wanted me to have it.

    His birthday was on Friday and I gave him almost €175 worth of gifts in advance. But I have his card here he still never picked up. I also made a kitten shower gift out of all the junk I bought the cat when I thought it was going to live here with me. That was expensive too.

    I tend to retreat in situations like this. I am not going to telephone him anymore. The e--card he opened from me shows he lied about his work start time which does entertain me. He is not tech. savvy and can't even open more window at a time when using the Internet. So he will never think about me getting a reciept with the time he opens e-cards. But I have no interest in sending him another. What is there left to say anyway. I know he will,come round again and if I remind him how he broke his words he will turn it around on me somehow. I know it is not me personally-'it is just him finding things he would rather do like be with his new kitten. The first cat was the centre of his life before and the 1st cat hates the kitten. That is why he wanted the kitten here with me. But now he wants everyone to be unhappy except for him and his mother.

  • Some people just don't care hunni nor understand, you don't need those people around you when your depressed.

  • Thank-you. It is like accepting the death of a loved one when you end a long relationship. Because the person you thought they were is not and never was there in the first place.

  • Hi Lacey I am a cat lover myself, but I know not everyone likes them.

    Lacey you don't deserve this treatment ,so it's best to let him go. He seems far

    Too much of a Mammys boy. You will get used again to being on your own,

    And then when you feel ready you have a chance to meet someone who will

    Treat you well.

    It makes me so sad to think that you would accept this behaviour. Grrr!!!!

    You won't miss him as he seems more interested in his cat than you, sometimes

    We need people to be honest with us. It's better not to prolong the agony. We will

    Be here to comfort you, so onwards and upwards with you.

    Hannah

  • Thank-you Hannah. I told him today how I was feeling. I laid the foundation for us to break up. He said he really wants to work on things. There was some angry words and a few apologetic ones from him. It makes me sound bad but he is the first non-abusive partner I ever had. Prior to this every long term partner I ever had hit me. Makes me wonder what is wrong about me that I make bad choices. He brought his new kitten over to my home tonight. He was terrified the 10 week old kitten would jump off the bed and hurt herself. My bed frame puts the plunge of death to less than 3 feet! He keeps her in a huge carrier if she is not actually being handled... I think pretty soon that kitten will be climbing the curtins and he'll be ringing the firemen for an emergency rescue! 😜 kidding aside I do feel bad for his original cat. He never was socialized as a kitten and lived outdoors even in the worst of winters for a number of years until my boyfriend took him in. So the former street cat is more cautious and aloof. And the new kitten is nothing but a furry purry love machine. The poor old cat just sits outside my partner's bedroom door. With the new kitten getting the 5 star treatment. Makes me sad that this happens more to then just cats. I see my doctor on Thursday. He spent 45 minutes counselling me last month so I do look forward to speaking to him again. The cat thing is especially weird because my parents were beyond crazy for their felines. They commissioned huge oil painted portraits of their cats in the front room- but hardly a trace of pictures of us or their grandchildren. The liscence plates on their cares were each of their cat's names. I lost respect for my parents at an early age. I am 40ish and have a huge scar gashed across my left wrist. Mental health professionals eye it up with doubt in their eyes when I tell them when I was THREE years old my parent's cat tore open my wrist and I got in so much trouble as she must of done it because of something I did. I think by the scar I have almost 40 years later I should of seen a doctor for stitches. But the clencher for me was when I was maybe 14 and got in trouble for knocking over a hanging flower pot and dragging it across the floor. Does that even make sense for a 14 year old kid to do? Clearly the cat jumped into the hanging flowerpot- got caught in the hanging ropes and dragged it behind him until he wiggled free. It was so ridiculous and stupid growing up in that environment. I became anorexic and my parents signed me off to foster care because I was so much of an embarrassment starving myself. *sigh* That is not why young teens become anorexic! I have no to very little contact with my family now. i hope the second half of my life turns out better than my first 40 years in regards to relationships. My career has been successful but personal life.... not so shiny! Thank you for your kind words. When this pile of cards crumbles for good I will be stronger for it. Sincerely thank-you.

  • Looking at your story as a man, kick him into touch. He does not care for you, by treating you like he has, it will make you depressed. Move on, feel happy, don't look for a new man, live life and the right man will come along. Just be happy with yourself and look after number 1 which is YOU good luck xx

  • Thank-you for your kind words. It does mean a lot when others reach out.

  • We all have been through it at some point, I will always be here, for advice or just if you need to sound of

    Xx

  • Thank-you. That really is so kind of you. It makes a difference knowing there is such supportive people like you.

  • Any time, I'm talking to an ex girlfriend, after 25 years, it really good to get everything of your chest and just to talk. We only email, but for me, as I don't really have friends, it has been great just to have someone there who does not judge you.

    So any time, I'm there, and if I can help even better. You can ask anything,

    Keep strong, you are the most important person, remember that.

    Craig x

  • Well they do say we pick Men who remind us of our Fathers. Maybe this attracted you at some level because it felt normal to you. Unless you always want to play second fiddle to a cat, find someone who likes people more. Remember, sometimes you have to 'Get uncomfortable to get comfortable'.

    Out of interest, Did your Mum like cats as much as your Dad, or was it a case of, If you can't beat them, join them? If she did, then they were well matched but maybe should not have had kids. Food for thought.

  • You right about my parents. My mother was the orginal cat lover but then they both adopted a kitten each and they both went over the average level of cat lovers together. Liscence plates to each of their cars bore the names of their cats. And a novelty sign placed up saying 'we stay together for the cats' - making a spin on more common expression 'we stay together for the kids'. Actually when they were planning to divorce I was about 12 and I asked who was getting custody to me and my mother said it was more like fighting to who had to take me. In the end they literally did stay together for the cats!

    My mother did say she wished she quit while she was ahead after having my first brother. Meaning she regretted having the four kids including me afterwards. Personally... A huge contributing factor if me never having kids is because I didn't want to accidently pass down my messed up childhood on other people.

    i know what they say about us choosing partners like our fathers. But in my case I always went for men who behaved like my mother. In fact my previous boyfriend was so much like her with the drinking, physicsal and emotional abuse, smoking near me indoors when they know it makes me sick because I am allergic. He even had my mother's vanity and delusions of their superiority to others. So negative - never happy. When it was finally over with my last boyfriend I couldn't believe how great it was when he was gone! I of course don't know because I am not a doctor- but there must of been something in me wanting to fix all the things wrong with my mothers and mine relationship by trying with men with the same vices. My current boyfriend doesn't ever drink or smoke and never threatened me. But I really do wish we could spend more time together. I know this won't happen.

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