Ever get mail and hope it is NOT an invitation?

I collected my mail today and found a small invitation sized card. The address was handwritten and the stamp was cancelled locally. I rattled my brain trying to think of any impending wedding, baptisms, or baby showers on the horizon. Could not think of anything. I looked in dread at the ivory envelope and said to myself - I hope this is not an invitation to something! It must say something about me for my brain to immediately think that! I gingerly opened the card and it was blank on the front and back! Carefully I peek instead and it a friend of mine who just started her own business saying she was giving me her business contact numbers in case I meet someone that may be her client. Washed over with relief I went back to bed in the middle of the afternoon just to be alone in the dark under my blanket. How could someone like me complain of being lonely when at the wee chance I might be invited to something social I already feel anxiety and dread and start making plans of what I am going to say them so I don't have to go! Anyone else the same?

15 Replies

  • Hi Laceytiel

    I do feel like this to a certain degree but mine is due to my weight issues and not feeling comfortable with my size at the moment. I try not to see old friends as I don't want them to say "look how much weight you've put on"

    I still go out, play golf and go to the gym but apart from that, that's about it! It will get better I'm sure but it's a struggle at the mo x

  • Hi Chris if they are proper friends why avoid them because of your weight? I couldn't imagine doing this no matter how much weight I had put on.

    You are still you aren't you regardless and you can't let this stop you enjoying your life. Lots of people put weight on but this doesn't rule their lives and I think you should stop being so ashamed of it and enjoy life as you are a long time dead. This has become much too big an issue in your life.

    Bev x

  • Chris I think you should see your friends. Regardless of your weight, my best male friend who was always slim, has put on loads of weight due

    To Meds. I still see him and I don't give a hoot about how much he

    Weighs. Friends or real friends should be above all that bullxxxt. You

    Are wrong to be cutting yourself off from the support they could

    Offer, so what if they mention your weight, but if they have tact they

    Won't. So start socialising with them, and stop being silly. Lol.

    How much weight are you talking about , my poor friend has put on a

    Few St. And finds it so hard to lose.


  • Hi Chris. I have known a few friends who felt like you. One was a lady who had her baby a few months ago. And someone saw her that knew she was expecting- but didn't know she already delivered. That someone asked her WHEN the baby was due. That made my friend not want to go out to even the grocery store after she lost weight.

    I am actually very thin to a point of sickly. One of my managers told me at work recently that I look like I feel like dog sh.t. I smiled and said thank-you. But you know it hurt me. I had a shower that morning and thought I was looking good actually. For some reason it appears to be open season year round on telling me how pale, sickly, and dog crap looking I am.

    I avoid people I know just so I don't have to run the risk of being told I look bad. Sometimes I am even asked what is wrong with me.

    Everyone commenting we should not care what others think or say. And they are 100% right. I wish it just that easy not to care.

  • So are you saying you have social anxiety? I'm not big on parties either. I'm more of an introvert type person. Most times I dread going, and my hubby has to drag me away! The thought of going,

    Fills me with dread. After I'm there, I enjoy it. Is that what you mean?


  • Hi Ruby, we do sound the same. But part of it is that other people judge me and critism hurts and makes me want to avoid situations all together. I find a lot of social things quite unwelcoming such as work functions. Actually even being brought to the store to go grocery shopping makes me full of anxiety most of the time. Most times in the end I don't enjoy the social things even after being there. I try though.

  • Yes, I'm like that nowadays. I got an invitation a few weeks ago to a retirement party.

    I was horrified as the person had been a colleague of mine for many years and yet I knew I wouldn't go. The venu had too many memories for me of times past and loved ones gone. Add to that the music that would be played for dancing and I could easily have broken down in tears. That was no place for me. Yes, I get lonely but for closeness with someone, not for a reminder of things which have gone forever.

    You must go with your gut feelings unless there's a therapeutic element in pushing yourself for your own benefit. Are you shrinking from something that you know you should do for your own good? Is it a kind of hurdle that you need to cross? If not, just forget about it and be happy as you are. Love, Myra.

  • Thank-you Myra. We do seem to really be on the same page. We should be able to make our decision not to go and then feel bad if that is a choice we made for ourselves.

    I definitely would be awkward around my old colleges and wonder who else was going to show up. If you went and cried you might of found others did too- but it also might of been very uncomfortable for you. I am very sensitive and emotional and can be brought to tears just hearing a song or a fleeting memory brought on from one thing or another.

    Another reason I avoid social situations is I hate my photo taken. I always hid as fast as I can to avoid a camera.

  • It is ok to say no to invitations, but the key is to learn how to do it without making excuses that can be challenged, or by offending someone.

    I am not an expert at this myself, so if anyone can suggest some good phrases, I would love to hear them too

  • Mark Twain had a quote saying never ruin a good apology with an excuse. But it is hard to get away from a reason to cancel on a party. You could say you have the stomach flu and need to be around your own toilet. Not likely host would try to still make you come after that. Visitors from out of town are coming... But then the host could say bring them along! Anything medical or work related are less likely be challenged. Migraine head aches, food poisoning, allergies. I don't like to say anything too sad like a death in the family, etc. Just excuses that are believable and hard to prove untrue.

  • Hi I do understand how you feel but I would give anything for an invitation to anywhere! It would make a break from my monotonous routine! :) Bev x

  • Hi Bev me too. I would dance a jig if I got an invitation. So be thankful.

    Being connected socially is very good for mental health.

    Hannah xx

  • I so know the feeling of going to bed to hide. Also the not wanting to be invited because of having to make an excuse. I am new to depression although I have OCD. I have nothing to be depressed about although have not had an easy life.

    I long for the old me with so many problems and not a clue what to do. I was so geared up and ready for battle with the world. Now I am just a wimp. The Dr says I am still mourning for my husband who was older than me and unwell when I met him. But he was the best thing that ever happened to me tall good looking friendly solvent and now he is gone.

    This is not very helpful I just can't see a future over the next 30 years

    I know how you feel

  • Sorry about my reply I just mean it's ok to feel so bad

  • Thank-you for your reply KHanes. You are not a wimp at all. I am sure you are trying your very best right now battling the loss of your partner and OCD and depression. Depression is like an invisible force field making the littlest things to do feel like one of the tasks of Hercules! I am very sorry for the loss of your husband. Please write more about how you are feeling. Keeping those thought alone in your mind and heart weighs you down. You'll always have a supportive ear from me and the others on this board.

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