So low I don't know what to do anymore

My boyfriend and I recently broke up and for the past 3 weeks I've been going through what I can only describe as one of the worst times in my life. I completely deluded myself into thinking we were meant to be together and put everything I had into the relationship, heart, body and soul. I feel broken to the point where I just don't know what to do any more. Outside of work, where I am barely functioning, I walk, eat healthily, see friends and basically try anything and everything I can to move on. I know this takes time but I'm afraid I'm never going be myself again, and the person I once was is lost forever - I just can't access her. To compound things further, my ex has revealed his true colours and completely cut me out of his life after promising me he'd be there for me no matter what. I know it's not healthy to have contact with him so despite him saying he'll contact when he's ready I know I won't reciprocate if he does get in touch. I don't have many friends where I live and am finding daily tasks like eating, showering, working etc so bloody difficult - I'm just so weak both emotionally and physically. I feel like a broken person with little to turn to and no real life anymore (my life was intrinsically wrapped up in his). I'm scared that if I carry on I could lose my job and my home. Please, anyone, I need some help, I'm so lost.

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  • Hello star

    When I was twenty one years old I separated from my first girlfriend and when that happened that caused me so much grief and pain, with my relationship and it took me a long time to get back to looking for some one else as my life felt fractured, so I fell back on taking Youth and Community Course and I was taking children through their cycling Courses through the County. So I did not feel pressurized to find someone else.

    I also began learning to dance and would go dancing three times a week. At that time I was in a click where people would be doing the same thing, getting over failed relationships. We were just all dance partners and that was it. We met at the dance hall then just go home. It was relationships relying on no complications, we were there to dance.

    All I am saying is that you do not need to be with someone all the time give yourself time to heal and you may find doing an activity in mixed company will give you that time.

    With regard to your depression see your GP and explain what has happened some support may be able to be given.

    Life is a long time, take that time and give yourself time. Believe me when I say we always find some one new, you are not the only one to be alone and feel so jaded.

    Good Luck

    BOB

  • Hi BS I am sorry you are going through such a bad time, it is very painful isn't it? I know it's an overused expression and it won't feel like it now, but time is a great healer so use it to move on.

    And no you won't be the same person who went into the relationship but this is part of learning and knowing yourself. That's ok coz it happens to all of us and it's how we grow as people. The main thing is to encourage yourself to heal by keeping yourself as busy as possible and maybe take up a new hobby or something.

    I have an acquaintance who had a serious breakdown when her relationship ended and she is now in her 40's and shudders at the though of one now. I think this is quite sad.

    Again I know it doesn't seem like this yet but there are some positives - you know you can love, you will know yourself better and your next relationship will be all the better for both of you because of this.

    I hope this helps. Bev x

  • I am very sorry for the very difficult loss you are experiencing. When it gets to a point where it feels near impossible to get threw daily tasks it is best to see you GP to help you. I didn't feel it necessary or want to go to a GP either but when you are this broken inside you are in a state of emotional shock. And seeing a doctor will help you as you take time to find yourself again.

    Please keep sharing and expressing your emotions. This board is a safe place to know you'll always hear an encouraging word. You need to keep talking and sharing about what is going on in your heart and mind because otherwise the pain can even feel worse. I have been on similar shoes as yourself and empathize with the pain you are suffering right now. Hope you feel better soon.

  • Hi Brightstar

    I was with my soon to be ex-husband for over 19yrs, I had spent half my life with this man until he cheated on me. My world literally fell apart. I also thought we would be together forever etc, etc. I gave him so many chances to make things right but he decided to destroy everything. We have 2 children, a house and a business in with the mix, so sorting out all of this stuff has been stressful, I also have a full time job, which has been my saviour.

    He cheated on me in April last year and then walk out on us in April this year. He too has ignored me and treated me as though I cheated on him. I can honestly say time is a great healer, I'm not out of the woods yet but I can see light at the end of the tunnel now. Try to surround yourself with people who care, take one day at a time, go out and enjoy life. It's hard I know because you just want to shut everyone out and just stay in bed and do nothing, but that's the worst thing you can do.

    I had counselling but I eventually hit rock bottom when I burst out in tears at work, I knew then that I needed to see a doctor.

    It's hard and it's not easy but you will get through this, going out for a brisk walk everyday has helped me and talking to people too.

    You deserve better! Sending you big hugs! Xx

  • I'm 64 I've been lucky had 5 relationships which each last 9yrs (strange) divorced-widowed-divorced-seperated and now with another..I have always made sure I keep 10% for myself so if & when I split I'm not rock bottom. It is very early days for you at the mo, take life one day at a time always think 'your ex will not get the better of you and blow your ex' for what ever reason you will find it was all for the best your ex is not worthy of you, make sure when you go out, shopping, work etc you look absolutely fantastic even if inside you're sad, dont allow your ex put you down, rise above your ex and let him see what he is missing, you don't need him and then all of a sudden someone else will popp along very unexpectedly..

    Put your best foot forward his loss not your's

    love Janis x x x

  • Hi All, thank you so much for your kind words of support. I finally went to see my GP and he's signed me off work for two weeks. My Dad has actually come 100 miles to stay with me which I am incredibly grateful for. Although part of me is coming to terms with losing him I can't stop myself thinking about him, missing him and everything that we had. We never sat down and talked through his commitment and mother issues. He kept saying how amazing I was and that he couldn't deal with his guilt any longer. He won't speak to me so I've completely backed off knowing I've likely lost the one man I thought and still think of as the love of my life. I don't know what to do and as each day passes nothing seems to become any clearer. We loved each other and we're happy so why if he's told me and his friend I'm the best thing he's ever had would he let it go and then ignore me?! Its beyond comprehension.

  • I have been in love with one girl all my life. She left but is back. I could not leave my children and although I thought she cared she cannot because she wont have it any other way. My dad left us when I was a young or early teen. I cant remember. He is back in touch but dying of cancer. I am not coping and keep daydreaming about ending it all but I worry about my kids and try to think how can I do that and not lose money to to look after them. My whole life has been one big battle and I feel I cant do it anymore. I have spent all my life trying to be a good person. Charity work, volunteering and now  coaching kids football. I would have to stop all that to be with the person I Iove but I dont know how. How do i leave three boys 9 11 and 13.Now that person will not  even talk to me. I dont know how to cope alone. I spend a lot of time sitting in my room even though my family is downstairs.  She must have lied because she does not care and I cant stop crying. I feel ueless and weak. Every day is a battle. My wife is not in love with me and only needs me because of the children and financial support I give. It all seems so pointless.If I go my kids will hate me. How do I live with that. Its not a great background.  She does not get that. She had perfect parents. I am 53 and she is 50. I loved her the first time I saw her at only 13. What do i do. I am totally in a mess. I have to keep working but struggling. I got married for the wrong reasons. Had kids for the wrong reasons. All this I realise but no one cares or wants to kmow. I am lost. My wife also had cancer but seems through that now but I am left deeply in debt. Her Mother died of cancer just befire first child. It's why I did it. I tried to be happy family but have failed. I can see only one way out but worry about my kids.

    I know I would have been happybwith first love. Laughed jived and danced and I love her home her family but I cant abandon my kids. I cant go on like this.

    She has done the same over and over breaking promises. Only acweek ago we vowed no matter what love each other. Never be enemies. She dumped all of ties in front of my kids on my doorstep. I am in shock. Even added a note "a gift". She scared my middle lad and I bridled a littke just getting home with him. I have mot lied and my wife is fully aware of the situation. She has no desire to be with me and is ok for me to be with her. My friends know her friends and family know but my kids I am scared of losing. I am rambling lost plot. Cant abandon kids

  • Sorry I have not helped I am so mixed up. Its good to write, this is the first time I have ever done it. Lets be clear I talked first so everything was in the open before I strtedcseeing my firts love again. Joining clubs is def the way to go. Dancing is really good idea. I am passionte about music and it helps get me through. Try it when you dance it is a release and your mind clears for a while. I am coaching youg kids football but that is harder. I focus on making a positive impact on kids lives but it is getting harder and I feel like giving it up because I am so low. Doing something positive for others can help. Try it. Shake a can for charity. The rewards are great when you can help others. Try it. You may find like minded people. Its beats sitting and crying like I seem to be doing

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