We're not ready. I don't know what to do.

[Rae98]

Hi guys. It's been a while since I posted. Since I was last on things got better but then got incredibly worse again.

For the past two weeks I've either been extremely happy (once every two? days) or extremely sad (the rest of the time). I don't know why this is happening so I'm going to mention it to my consultant.

However, today I got the worst news I've ever gotten and my entire world has fallen apart.

The doctors have just told us my granddad has terminal lung cancer and only has four months to live.

I broke down crying and I've (obviously) felt like shit since and I know I am going to do for a long, long time.

I don't know what to do. What to say, ect. My granddad and mother are in pieces and there is literally nothing I can do to help either of them and it breaks my heart to see them this way.

I know it sounds incredibly selfish with what's going on, but I don't think I can cope. I've been trying to convince myself it was a dream and start to pretend it's not going on but I know deep down it is. I can't lose him.

[Chris76]

Hi Rae

I'm not really qualified to give you good advice on this but sadly for me all my grandparents have passed away, some sudden with no notice and some have passed after a long illness.

The initial shock was hard to cope with but I found as time went on my coping mechanism kicked in and I was able to focus on enjoying what time was left with them and enjoy as much as I could.

I know it's not great advice but I do wish you all the very best and sending lots of hugs to you and your family.

Chris x

[Hidden]

I am so sorry you have had this dreadful news. Of course you feel awful and not able to cope, anyone would on hearing a loved one is terminally ill.

Give yourself time as the shock will recede a bit then determine that you will be there for him and the rest of your family. That's all you can do now. And you will cope coz you do you know.

I have been through this with my parents and it is awful so I know exactly how you feel my love. Just hang on in there. We will help and support you all we can.

Bev xx

[Andre_rt]

Hi Rae

I'm really sorry about your granddad, your mom and you. My family went through a similar situation about a year ago when a relative, who had been like a second mother to me, was diagnosed with terminal cancer. The doctors said she would have around 4-6 months to live, but everything happened so fast and after the third session of chemotherapy her body gave up. It was less than a month at the end. Nobody was ready for that, except her, the rest of us were just starting to accept the idea she was terminally ill.

It has been really difficult since, accepting that she's no longer in this world has been the hardest thing ever for me, especially because I couldn't be there for her at the end. Due to my postgrad studies, I was in another continent when she passed away (I was planning to go home about two weeks later). Obviously, I started my way back as soon as I heard, it took me more than 40 hours to get there and I ended arriving about one hour after the cremation. I was totally devastated, but at least I was with my family.

I am writing you all this, because I can't turn back time, but you still have time to be there for your granddad during this horribly time. Talk to him everyday (at least I could do that with her), hug him, let him know how much you love him and the big difference he has made in your life. Take good care of him, always with a smile and bear in mind that cancer is an atrocious illness and he'll be going through a lot of physical pain and probably at the end he'll be heavily medicated and won't be able to do/understand anything. So NOW is when you have to spend quality time with him, NOW is when you can be there for him the way he has always been there for you.

Be strong, at least for your granddad during his final months, support each other and all my best wishes for you and your family.

Andrea

[Hidden]

Hello Rae

There are three parts of life we cannot get away from, Birth, Deaths and Marriages. The latter we can avoid, although other people you know are bound to partake at least once in a lifetime.

Life and death really affect everyone, if you are born, you will die and sad to say no-one has worked out a way to sneak out of the Grim Reapers hands, He will crop everyone with Sythe at some time in their lives, we just cannot do a thing about it. We can complain, try and negotiate, hide and spend all our money, we are still on that final journey were on completion we have to die and become accountable for all the questionable things we have performed on others throughout our questionable periods.

I wish I could say that you will be able to avoid the final journey your Grandfather will be taking soon. Sad to say His ticket like all of us was given at birth only the final date needed to be worked out, weather it was six months or one hundred years, you need to understand we are always called

Your Mother is really going to need support from you, I have been to many deaths, My Surrogate family one died in the sixties the other mid seventies, both my Grandparents died within a twelve month period in the late seventies, My Father died in mid eighties as did umpteen other relatives. Now I am in my mid sixties and I understand that things can go wrong at this time of live, we accept that.

One thing that is important at a death. The family need to be strong and both you and your Mother will need to support each other, you can turn your back on your Grandfathers Death and your mothers grief, or support each other in your mothers loss.

Life is cruel and you will most probably see more death in your life, we never get used to it although we all have to accept this process. To show grief is normal although to show strength at these times helps others like your mother come to terms with Her loss

BOB

[Photogeek]

Hi Rae sorry you got such sad news. Death is inevitable and the older you

Get the more deaths you will experience in family and friends. It is a schock of

Course but in reality you at least have a chance to spend time with your Grandfather.

There is nothing you can do but be yourself, try and spend a bit of time with

Your Grandad and tell him how much you love him and you will miss him.

At least you are in a way getting emotionally prepared as lots of people just

Drop dead suddenly and their family get no warning at all. What age is your

Grandfather? You will be in shock but you will cope, we do and we survive as

Bob says Death is part of life and there is no getting away from it. Coming

To terms with the death of grandparents and parents is part of growing up,

It will change you as a person , and I feel it will help you put your own

Worries and concerns in perspective. Talk to your friends and family and have

A cry too, that will help.

Let us know how your getting on.

Hannah x

[hamble99b]

I'm so sorry to hear your sad news.

Take your lead from your Granddad. He knows best what he feels, wants and needs to do. Oftentimes people - with the best of loving, caring, intentions; try to take over and make decisions such as food that is "good for you" or "might help" when all they want is a jam butty!

As others have said, give him a hug, tell him you love him, share memories and tell him why he is special.

If he gets upset or cries, reassure him it's natural and please don't try and stop him. Sit with him, offer him a hug or your hand to hold, or a comforting touch.

there might be times when he is angry or irritable, please don't take anything personally, it's not. It could be the pain, frustration, or the med's.

you have my sympathy,

thinking of you all,

hamble xx