What's wrong with me? I know I should go to a doctor and the counselor (lol I think I spelled that wrong), but I don't want to. I'm not going, so don't try to persuade me.
But what IS wrong with me? Is it just normal social anxiety or what? It's driving me insane. The symptoms are:
-fear of people I'm not comfortable with
-fear of people who are 'cooler' than me
-a building feeling of sadness that peaks around 8 or 9pm into depression. It's gone the following morning (doesn't happen every evening)
-a feeling of impending doom when I'm alone in the dark
-a phobia of being alone - but it's not being alone, it's being abandoned
-I get very defensive about things
-I do things recklessly
-periodic feelings of self-loathing
-I won't go into a room full of people by choice. I don't like theme parks - too many people. I am only myself around those few people I truly trust.
-I constantly do things 'wrong'
-I have a 'happy' facade. I put on a brave, don't-care attitude and it works. People think I don't give a ****, when I care more than people'd imagine.
Yet, despite this, my friends say I'm confident and loud. I do things recklessly and impulsively and I'm as stubborn as a donkey and loyal as some kind of puppy.
Any ideas? Or is this just growing up (man, if it is, it sucks xD)