What do I have to be depressed about

I've never been a one to share my feelings with anyone before but I've finally made the step and going to see my GP tonight.

For a 24 year old lad I've a lot going for me. A degree, a job, a house and an amazing girlfriend who I live with.

I've always know I've been a bit different having mood swings, bouts of not speaking to people for weeks then coming out of it as if there had been nothing wrong. Leaving jobs in the spur of the moment thinking it was the right thing to do. Then after the initial elation came guilt and anger at my self unable to realise my decisions and questioning my self. Not telling my parents as they have an old fashioned view on mental health and just think it's something you get over.

Around a year and a half ago I lost my best friend through depression after taking his own life. I still feel guilt in a sense of why I could not have Been there to talk to him like I had done so many times, I guess sometimes it comes to a point where you've had enough.

That's when I started to get a lot worse, drinking heavily to block it out. After a few months I came round studying for exams, then passing my degree then getting a job straight away. Then comes another episode of feeling low and snapping at loved ones, not talking to friends for no apparent reason at all.

Recently these mood changes have been a lot more erratic with little things having an impact on how I feel. These changes also impact work, distancing my self from colleagues. I now only drink once a week but the last three weeks I have drunk my self to a point were I black out completely. Nearly getting arrested twice one night arguing with friends bouncers taxi drivers. Just this weekend has made me face what just is going on when the police knocked at my door asking about a door off the hinge in the communal area of my apartment. Having no recollection of the night I answered the questions honestly saying I knew nothing about it.

Then came anxiety, worrying, stress, guilt, arguements panic attacks. Never feeling that before I got my self in a serious state with self harm etc coming to mind. Luckily my girlfriend was there to calm me down. I know deep down my behaviour when drunk has got more to do than just being intoxicated and has some underlying reasons why it happens.

It's been a big step writing this and I could have went on for hours but I'll leave it there for now and see what comes of my appointment

2 Replies

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  • hi anything can set depression of. nearly 6 years ago i had a good job. but it was a bad marriage the set me on a down ward path, u r not alone i had pass a city n guilds college course. i'm a gd listener, pinny

  • Hi mate, just read your post. You are making the first step by going to see your GP.

    There is no weakness in taking tablets, at times we all need a helping hand and depression can be a life changing illness, but by confronting it, you are making a brave step which hopefully will make things easier for you.

    Good luck, just make sure you tell your GP everything, as they can help you.

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