Ok so i have M.E and depression
Im housebound most of the time, i live alone. My illness incurable, the only treatments available doesnt help . Infact one of the medications gave me sensory nerve damage which i cant get a diagnosis for made me housebound/bedbound. No one wanted to answer for that as usual..
Im feeling very hopeless even more so the conservatives were voted back in...I have a PIP tribunal in 3 days. The stress of this alone is making me want to end it all... i truly am sick to death of having to explain my illness too family, friends and so called medical professionals. I am sick of being stereo typed as some loser with no aspirations. And to listen to ''the workers'' complain about there taxes being wasted on benefits and could be spent on something better.... I am one of those people!! guess my life doesnt have much value. But i guess its my fault i have an incurable illness, i guess its my fault i see this world for what it is and i just cant mentally cope with that to the point i am UP and DOWN every other day, maybe every hour..its a struggle.
Im struggling to relate to others, well i can relate i understand completely what there saying but i have no interest, and most of the times there problems are very petty. They have the flu, i have a life long incurable illness every day is pain... yet they look at me like im lazy but they cant cope with the flu.... give me strength.
Im crazy because i have emotions, im crazy because this messed up world makes me sad, im crazy because i see the lies in the papers, im crazy because im not a sheep... but they all seem crazy to me? i am crazy now because this world made me crazy! but they want me on medication, to make me into a zombie and stop thinking..
I feel so alone... they cant even understand why i want to be dead...even if i killed myself id still be wrong.
I havent self harmed in a long time, but i really am fighting the urge to beat the absolute crap out of myself. On top of this ive just come out of a verbally/physically & sexually abusive relationship... im struggling to cope with the repetitive thoughts i keep having, this is making me want to self harm more.
If you understand where im coming from, can relate or have any advice...id appreciate hearing it....