Hi, Now this is not typical of me to come on here and rant on, I don't use chat sites like Facebook, cant deal with the pretence. Anyways, I think I'm pretty much at a loss now for sure. I mean I've been depressed since I can recall, Right from school onwards. limited friends all of which I end up loosing as I cant seem to follow up outings and activities with them due to overwhelming feelings of anxiety and up and down swings in mood. The surroundings drive me insane, supermarkets, mess in the streets, filth, smells, lights, I cant explain why. I've been like it for many years but as I have grown up I have become more and more aware that I simply don't fit into the normality of the general crowds. I'm lost, confused, yet I am blessed with a partner for 13 years and 5 children and a nice home. I've been to my Doctors over the years and get nowhere or any help, I loose track of what I have to do and put of appointments and treatment as I feel like a testing pilot for pharmaceutical industry's. I have physical symptoms also, Terrible sleep and polarises, joint pains, IBS, skin rashes, headaches, tremors, chest pains, blur vision, well the list goes on, I hate the way I look, feel and cant seem to motivate myself with this. Strange thing is I have a wide interest spectrum and particularly good at music, woodwork, construction yet I have no training or qualification's and did terrible at school. The bottom line is after some 20 years of feeling like a alien to everyone, who am I, and what in hell is wrong with me, Am I Autistic, or just so depressed and anxious that I'm confused. I wake up anxious and go bed anxious and unsatisfied. Every day is an up and down surreal projection of my inner confusion based on a mirage in a desert of pessimist.
Help....I need to see and counsellor and don't get offered, Who can help. Oh not to mention I'm on benefits so undoubtedly I'm scum. Thanks for letting me rip.