Hello. Need some advice please.
My boyfriend and I have a very complicated relationship whereby he's treats me like a princess one minute and then like I mean nothing the next. In the past he has made comments about other women to wind me up, he puts me down in that 'it's just a joke' kind of way. After 3 years I feel so insecure and anxious in myself. I don't like him being alone with other women and unfortunately I don't feel as if I could cope without him- I suppose it's adult separation anxiety/co-dependency. I have a mother with bad mental health problems which is also making me sink.
I do love him and it isn't all bad. Anyway, he attends a week-long meeting every year and he's asked me to go to each one except this year's. I asked to go, I have lots of extra of holidays and need a break but he mumbled something about it not being practical, despite it being obvious that would have lots of free time. He only has 2 colleagues both women, both attached. He used to wind me up about one of them saying he likes a posh bird, her mum and dad would consider him a great choice for her daughter, etc. Really weird stuff which made me panic and he just retorted that I am insecure.
Anyway, during this meeting they have an evening with a dinner for all the clients and my boyfriend and her decided to leave early because they're not big drinkers. Both going back to the same hotel on the same floor. He was a little late ringing me saying he needed a lie down as it had been a long day. Ok fair enough, she didn't want to walk back by herself, doesn't mean something happened. I tried my best not to go into overdrive.
The next evening everyone went for a drink but he went for dinner alone with her which made me panic beyond belief. He said they were out for 2 hours, she's good company but she witters during silences but that's good because he doesn't haven't to make an effort with strangers. It sounds as if she talks about her boyfriend a lot which calms me down. He was late ringing again. I was clearly pissed off on the phone and he said 'I wonder if her boyfriend is giving her shit'. He then made sarcastic comments like 'she's lying next to me,etc.' I apologised for 'giving him shit' and said that I worry that's all. It's the anxiety I can't cope with. Am I a total bunnyboiler? I've lost sight of what's likely to happen and what isn't.
He's very pissed off with me now because I have quizzed him fancying other women before and I think he's sick of it now. He'll either dump me or I'll push him into cheating on me. It's like i don't feel i desrve someone not cheating on me. I know the logical thing would be for me to walk away but I just can't, I love him very much. I just hate feeling like this the anxiety consumes me. I'm so insecure and I've got zero self confidence, I feel worthless.
Am I overreacting? Is he right to be pissed off?
Sorry for the length of this post.