No hope.

[macscott]

Hi, this is my first post. I have looked at many other post over the last few months.

I'm struggling deeply with depression. I can not see a happy future for myself. I don't think I will end my life but I just can't go on with the constant pain of my condition. Everyday is just so difficult to get through. I'm living but feel dead inside. I can't work, go to events, I'm almost bedridden. My family and friends a have been extremely supportive but I feel so guilty for putting them through this. I have tried eating healthy, exercise, talking about it, doctors but nothing is helping. Im currently on 40mg of fluoxitine per day.

This illness is so selfish, it's always me me me.

Sleeping is the only thing I look forward to, even though I know I'll wake and have to go through another day of pure misery. How much more I can take I don't know.

[Hidden]

t

One of the things I wonder, not only about myself, also many people who visit this site.

Why we feel the way we do ?.

So I have to ask why do you feel the way you do?. There has to be a reason as generally depression is brought on by certain actions or problems with school, home, bad health or other forms of problems that may snack upon us in the stressful world.

Now I know my condition and why I suffer as my main problem is chronic pain that I have suffered for the last thirty years. Add a very stressful non functional family and you have a depressive condition. called Reactive Depression. So I need to ask what has caused these feelings, You say you are suffering from Chronic Pain because you have a health condition, How can I help ???.

You are really lucky to have a family who loves and supports you, believe me when I say support from people who loves you goes a long way to make a depressed person more whole in their outlook.

Personally I do feel you are quite young and you may have a long life ahead of you, so you need to know yourself and the condition you are suffering from to be able to control all that negativity.

Now I have been married for thirty years, I live in an adapted cottage in the countryside.

We have a Welsh Collie called Pax. My wife loves gardening and I get guilty feelings as I am unable to assist when She works outside so I then need to do other things as compensation.

All I can really say now is do not make yourself a slave to your condition.

We have some very helpful people on this site who will give you support and understanding, So how can we help ???.

BOB

[macscott in reply to Hidden]

I'm 33 year old. Still young some would say. I'm psychically healthy, well I was the fittest I've ever been just six months ago. Working hard with lots of exercise. But now I'm incapable of doing anything. The smallest task seems enormous. A cannot see the point in anything attitude. I have already made myself a slave to my mental heath issue.

What caused this? I cant really figure that out. Being severely depressed, you mind allows you to only think in negative ways. The should of, could of, wish I did this did that, if only???. All things relating to the past, which I know is gone now. Everybody im sure will have some regrets about their past. But most can let go, learn and move on to a happier future. I am always dwelling on the past and worried about the future. I can not control where my mind takes me. Worried about events that have not even been planned. Like how am a going to manage to go to his/hers birthday party, weddings, funerals etc. I am terrified of never being able to feel again and show emotion. The psychiatrist i seen toady assured me that I will get better. But at this point I think that is impossible.

I know I have not really answered your question of why i feel like this and how could we help. Giving up your time to reply has been helpful! I did not think I would have had replies so quick. Its really good to know that people with similar issues are on here to speak openly. Thank you!

[angse]

Hi Mascot

First I would like to say welcome to this site, it is really good that you do have family support, and yes this illness can be quiet selfish at times, you are going through all the classic signs of depression, believe me most of us here go through that like you, you are not alone on all those feelings that you are going through, i to can't wait to go to bed, just to stop feeling the way I do, due to have counseling, waiting for appointment can't wait, I can't take antidepressants as ihave liver disease, and it would put to much strain on it, and am not prepared to take a risk, don't feel quilty as this is an llness, you did not choose it, hard as it is to be positive when you feel so down, there is always a light at the end, keep on thinking of the good things in your life, and talk to doctors when things get tombad good luck. Annette

[trekster22]

Welcome

[MedStudent1]

VERY IMPORTANT QUESTION! how long have you been on fluoxetine? This can have a massive impact on your situation thats why. please reply

[macscott in reply to MedStudent1]

Hi, I have been on the medication for about 7 weeks now. Started off with 20mg per day, now on 40mg as of last week. Seen a psychiatrist today. He said to give another week of 40mg then if no improvement start taking 60mg per day. Its hard to tell if the meds are helping me. And to go to 60mg scares me. I did not want to start them but felt I had no other choice. I did feel slightly better after speaking to psychiatrist but sure enough I ending back in bed feeling terrible.

Thanks for your reply!

[MedStudent1 in reply to macscott]

Alright so you were on 20mg for 6 weeks right? Did you know that after increasing your dosage from 20mg to 40mg, especially so early on in treatment, can and most often will significantly increase your feelings of depression and anxiety? This will last for a good couple months i think, atleast. I was on 20mg for over 2 months (been on 20mg for 10 months now) before it even started to do any good. The benefit of going to 40mg is that you will feel WORSE but for LESS TIME. That is, your body will get used to the medication faster than if you were just on 20mg. Trust me, I'm a medical student Basically it's because the drug changes the chemistry of your neurotransmitters gradually. The more you take, the faster this process happens, which initially causes more depression and anxiety (due to less serotonin between synapses). I can't even imagine how you'd feel on 60mg :/ If you can handle the updosage that's great, but if you can't then please talk to your doctor. And always remember, This Too Shall Pass! You'll be alright! Take care and all the best

Regards,

MedStudent

[Nicolar-dun]

Feeling of guilt is part of your depression so I know it's hard but try to not blame yourself for feeling the way your feeling. Your family and friends are clearly wanting to be there for you so lean on them. Offload how you are feeling and sometimes that can help with the guilt. Do u see a councillor. They are good for this. I find on days like this that talking and having a cry can help. I have had depression for 1 year now and have up and down days all the time. It's about coping with your emotions and trying to keep in control. I hope this helps you. You are not alone. Please remember that. 😀

[macscott in reply to Nicolar-dun]

I have certainly being using my friends and family to lean on. They are very aware about my problems. But after months of it they are no doubt sick of hearing about it. They would do anything to help me, but I can not help myself. I know im not alone, but it just feels like it. That's a symptom of this awful illness. I have seen a councilor a few times, but not really built up a relationship yet. I think i have convinced myself that I will never recover from this. Again I just feel dead inside..

I really appreciate your reply. Thanks!

[Nicolar-dun in reply to macscott]

Anytime. I know how hard it can be and I know where your head is. People used to say it will get better to me and I never thought I would ever feel better but then one day it just felt ok, then slightly better and gradually got better day by day. I am here if you need me xx

[Hidden]

Hello

You say you have been on your medications for seven weeks, the dose you began with is generally a dose to take the edge off your condition and seven weeks generally you should be feeling some form of relief. Every time you up the dose allow two weeks for the revised dose to give some further relief. This medication in the early days can make your mood very low and sometimes you may be asked to give your medication time

You are saying you are seeing a Psychiatrist, and He is proactive with your condition. As seem by the increase in your medication. Does He have any ideas on what has caused your problem ??. Have you lost someone ??.

When I read your script I gather you have regrets regarding your past. Is there something from that period that is tugging you down with negative thoughts, i was taken when you had health problems as that can really knock you down. And if you are dwelling on something that is hanging around like a bad smell you will need to come to terms with your worries.

One thing I was suprized about is the fact you are seeing a Psychiatrist and you have not said if you had seen a CPN that would have talked and tried to understand what has gone wrong with your changes in mood.

We are always here to chat and we have many good listeners here and hopefully you will find us some help in dealing with this condition

BOB