No Whiskey Tonight

I feel really sick and restless right now. It feels like I am waiting out a storm a sea. I have whiskey in the house and decided against that. I rarely drink. One reason I stopped was I was finding no matter how much I had I was not getting a nice light feeling anymore. I could have six shots and I would feel all serious and would take some weird pleasure in talking to people I knew without them being able to tell I was drinking. There was a time when I had a couple of shots and just felt good. There has been times I drank to aleve boredom. It is cool to see I am so depressed I can't even bother to drink. Not that I ever had a problem. Another serious fear I have is mixing alcohol in my system will all my prescription medications. February was the last time I drank and honestly got nothing out of it. I was and am feeling very poorly and laughed at myself for being so depressed I couldn't even be bothered to have a drink. Which is of course a good thing. Thinking of the calories also stops me. All the bad things my life are keeping me off drinking. Depression/anxiety medication reaction fears, and my eating disorder. I hate beer and wine. I only ever liked hard liquor. I am feeling so empty and anxious I would try just about anything. But I don't want to drink. That is a blessing really.

[snow-13]

Well u def made the right choice not to drink. My sister has bad depression n takes lots of melds and drinks...a total mess!! Honestly it's destroyed us as a family to see the mess she ends up in. Depression is still very misunderstood so I really feel for you. I wonder if u would listen to a wee song i sent her yesterday. It's on you tube.. Hillsong called ..I surrender. Hope u don't mind me suggesting it . Def stay off the whisky but and hope u can get some help with the depression. My sister won't go for help sadly but makes the whole thing very heavy on me as she practically needs looked after . Hence it resulted in me getting severe anxiety after finding her temp paralysed only few weeks ago due to mixing alcohol with her meds so ur diing great not touching it . That's a wise choice . X x x

[Hidden in reply to snow-13]

Thank- you for your kind reply and sharing your song. I do believe in God and do see some of his blessings in my life. I woke up very early and on edge this morning. I have worked a split shift for 4 years. Every morning and every evening often six days a week. This month I also will have two Sundays- so no days off at all. There is nothing I can do about it but I know it is part of the problem. No matter what time a day I am waiting to go back to work and can't relax. I am glad I didn't drink. I do have anxiety medication but it makes me sleep. I may take one now- go to work- sleep my afternoon and then back to work this evening. I don't want to live this day. Nothing to look forward to. I hope your sister gets healthier soon. My step-father got poisoned from drinking. Might of been home made stuff or mixing pills. I was not told. But I did visit him in the hospital and he could only say one word. Go. So I came in the room- and thought he was asking me to leave before I knew. He was near a vegetable. He could not move much. He took my hand and just played with my rings that had shiny stones in them. Seeing a former healthy man other than drinking turn into that and then die- does motivate me not to drink. Thank-you for caring.❤️

[Hidden]

Hi there i'm bigalan my i say well done for not drinking whilst suffering with depression and anxiety, my oldest brother died whilst drinking whisky and whilst on prescription medication that was 4 years ago this october, i suffer depression, nerves, diabetes, the list goes on if i carried on telling you it would probable wonder our many people keep going, i know what your going through but just having someone to talk to could help, i think you have started by coming on HU and asking for help their's where many people may be able to help or adive you keep in touch and hope many other people that are the same has you try and help you as well take care look forward to your reply.

[Hidden]

Thank-you for your kind and caring letter. I am very sorry about your brother. There sometimes is a conflict someone wishes the peace of death but then like with my step-father -he got paralysed and lost most brain function from drinking too much. All the pain in his life could not have been worse than dying at age 50 basically a vegetable. My cousin shot himself five years ago. He went missing and they found him in the woods. Hurt the family so much. My mother has a drinking problem and is drunk by 6pm daily. Sometimes earlier. Even when my gut says I want a drink my brain overrides it pretty easily - or even the laziness to go and get it helps. Tastes awful makes you feel awful and can kill you. Well it can taste good but the cheap stuff should be enough to turn anyone's stomach.

I did join HU to talk and for help. I see my doctor too and I have a partner. He is good to me but always gets in a peeing contest if I say I am not feeling good. He will say - well how would you like if you had my problems? And you know that is not helpful. It is not that if someone has things worse than me- or perceives them worse than me- makes ME feel better. Not at all.

My hobby actually is studying Gaelic but now I spending that time on this board. I lost interest in all my hobbies even more so lately which is a sign of depression. I feel so on edge this morning. But glad I didn't drink last night. My eyes feel blurry from anxiety. I feel there is nothing about today I want. Go to work - come home for the afternoon and go back to,work until past 10pm. Nothing to look forward to. Just a pay check at the end of the month. I want changes in my life but I want them to be made for me. Like make the changes out of my control - and then maybe my job will change - even though after 4 years it has not. I also have a large animal someone at work made me take in. Long story but that animal bonded with mine and now they are not much enjoyable as pets to me. Love to rehome them but can't cause one of them is not mine. My boss sent me home with that animal about 3 years ago. No offence to them but it just is a burden to me. I take care of them but it feels like more work and not as a pet should be. So if changes to my work schedule or my boss taking his animal back - would be things I hope for everyday in vain. But it could happen.

Also my relationship is not really how I want things. He lives with his mother and spends I would say two or three more time with his friends than me. He calls me on the phone twice a day and takes me for grocery shopping in town. But yesterday I had the night off- plus my poor pet wee bird died. But he went off with his friends to buy beer. He doesn't drink because he is a diabetic but he always carts around his friends when they get too drunk to drive. Which they know in advance they are going to be. I thought - why have an evening off just to sit here alone? I am too depressed to get out and do something. But atleast I didn't drink. I quit all my medications for 6 weeks starting in early February. I drank then but no one knew. I went to whisky but also had a bottle of Sambuca. The sweetness really turned me off. So that was a positive thing too. Now I am back on my medications. I feel much better and atleast am able to wake up in the morning - instead of not even have the motivation to get up to the bathroom until I am about to burst my kidney. Even then I had used a bedpan twice. Like that is horrible and pathetic and I don't want to be that person. So the medication does help me have energy to get up and do normal things. My boyfriend never slept a night here. Always goes home to his mother and cat. He is the best partner I ever had. But I do miss sleeping beside the person I am supposed to be in love with. I keep my house very tidy and do things special for him when he comes over once a week. I don't want him here more - because unless it is his idea- then it is meanness to me.

Thank-you for your kind reply. It does meant a lot to have people care out there.❤️

[evilmissf]

Well I've stopped drinking, just with a change of meds, I used to sit and think " I need a drink" and used to call in the off licence on the way home from mothers and sit at home on my own drinking and causing havoc on facebook, although I didnt do it during the week at first, since being more and more depressed in the last year, i've noticed it creeping in during the week too. Like you i noticed it wasn't having the same effect, so decided to go to the doctors and get my meds changed. Since changing, drink is the furthest from my mind and am loving it, I do still have a drink when I fancy one, but never a full bottle of wine or half a bottle of spirits any more, my new love is elderflower cidre and i only have 1 bottle, which for me is a miracle, and this from a person who only two months ago thought there was no way back and be stuck in this rut for the rest of my life. I am so pleased I went to the docs and saught help. Maybe thats what you need if you're feeling anxious. Hope things get better for you x

[Hidden in reply to evilmissf]

Thank-you for your kind words and sharing your experience. That is wonderful you can enjoy a drink now. I can stop myself but never seemed interested in drinking unless I know I am safe and alone. But it is normally not a temptation unless I am feeling very low. In public I almost 100 percent never drink. And when I do I get whiskey with three slices of lime. That must of been three or four years ago since I last did that. I don't have any friends in this place I moved to. Just my boyfriend and he is diabetic and doesn't drink at all. I had a big mess with my medications starting in December. I had a huge panic attack at work and saw my doctor the best day for help. It was one of the worse I ever had. I am already on 300mg of Wellbutrin and he added 150mg of Eleffor -spelt wrong! And it made me zombie but that is what I needed at the time. After the 30 days of that was up he wanted me get a three months supply. Too long and boring to explain why- but instead of taking the new medication- I quit all of mine at once instead. After 6 weeks of that I found a new doctor who put me on just the 300mg of Wellbutrin. And always had Lorzapam to take as I needed it. i am very happy things worked out for you! Thank-you for sharing your experience.💐

[evilmissf in reply to Hidden]

Thank you for the reply, I know what it feels like to be on edge, i have just gone throught two months of utter hell changing my meds, but I'm pleased I stuck with it now. I really hope things even out for you it's awful being stuck the way you are, if you ever need to chat just send me a message, good luck x

[angse]

Hi aspen alchohol not the answer as you know, not only does it make depression a lot worse, but could lead to liver problems, you really don't want that, you have obviously been through a very hard time, and I really sympathise with you. Take care of yourself and speak to medical person as soon as you can. Annette

[Hidden]

Thank-you for your kind words. I sincerely know it is not good for me. It has been two months since I last drank. I was so lonely and depressed last night but wrote my post instead of drinking. So that was a really good thing.💐

[Hidden]

Hello

I like a whisky with pint of beer, They say a whiskey makes you frisky ??

As long as you do not overdo it there is nothing wrong I have a double dram with 0.5 litre of beer or ale and that is it. That Scotts treat is once a week. That is it !!!!

BOB

[Hidden in reply to Hidden]

I agree Bob! Having a drink to savour and enjoy is a beautiful thing. If I had any friends where I live I think I would enjoy a nice drink. I grew up surrounded by alcoholics - and the fact I can say no to drinking and I can stop - are all good signs I am on the right track. I always look forward to your replies on my posts and other people's posts.

[Hidden in reply to Hidden]

Hello Aspen

A family member was a secret, problem drinker and we found bottles hidden all over the house, She used to ask next doors to shop for her and bring drinks into the house eventually we managed to stop the problem.

When we purchased the house after Her Death we continued to find bottles all over the place, also under the floor. So now I am very careful what I drink.

She drunk Teachers and would get rid of the bottles by slipping them in the trash, although she would keep the golden tops as she found them attractive. So we would have a good idea what she had been drinking over a given time

BOB

[Hidden in reply to Hidden]

My mother would ask everyone to pick her up a 'box' of wine. It came with a plastic spigot on the from to dispense the wine. She would always laugh like it is nothing serious- after all it came in a box- not a bottle. i think people with drinking problems try to make things sound okay to themselves. It must of been some surprise when you found bottles under the floor!

I am also very careful what I drink. I honestly was 32 years old when I first tried it. For the examples we have seen in our families we are more aware of what can happen if someone drinks in excess. For me when I realized my tolerance for drink had become very high I felt it was time to cut back. Also drinking with the intention to get drunk is never a good plan for an evening home alone. I like having my bottle here but have not touched it since February. knowing I can resist it makes me feel confident. If I made it absolutely forbidden I think that would change my mind set. There was a time I would enjoy one glass of whisky after work on Saturday night. I might do that again when my life settles down a bit. I hope you are having a lovely spring day and thank- you for your reply.

[Smartie1688]

I'm glad your not drinking, I never used to drink but when I found out my husband was cheating on me I turned to drink to help me sleep, I would down about 1/4 litre of Malibu in about 2 mins, just to get the light headed feeling and then I would fall asleep, but then I started to drink a bit more because I wasn't getting the same effect. I stopped when realised I started to get pains in my side whenever I started to drink. I knew I needed help so I went to my Doctors and have been on meds now for about 2mths. You need to love yourself more than anyone else, it's hard but that's what you need to do, I'm still trying to love myself more I have good days and bad days still, my only blessing is my kids, family (excluding my soon to be ex-husband) and work. Work has been what has really kept me going, it gives me something to focus on and keeps me busy, my boss is also wonderful and knows my situation and has been so supportive.

You talk about your boyfriend as being the best you have had, have you tried talking to him about how you feel? My soon to be ex always put his friends first and I always told him that's how I felt, maybe I should have left him years ago for not putting me and the kids first, hind sight is a wonderful thing, but I have now learnt the hard way never to put anyone or love anyone more than yourself. It might sound selfish but when you start to giving yourself the love and attention it does make things better.

My soon to be ex is making things difficult at the moment so I'm going through a bad patch, I'm hoping it will improve but once I get home from work I have lost all motivation to do anything and just want to try to sleep. Sleep has been bad for longer than I can remember now, but now it's worse, but I haven't been tempted to drink.

If I could I would give you a big hug, because that's sometimes all we need! Take care! Xx

[Hidden]

Goodness I am so sorry you are going threw so much. Cheating is such a painful and lasting pain to live with. I had an exboyfriend back in 2008 and his mom and us were on holiday together. And while I spending time with his mom- he cheated on me with a random tourist. It hurt a lot. He even had the nerve to invite her out with us one evening. She made a comment about a book she had in her hotel washroom that he must of seen in there... I kept quiet and as they drank more and more - I could put things together. I was just numb. I was at a point I wasn't even going to get angry because he just was not the person I thought he was at all. But has given me scars on my heart for sure. I did try precription sleeping pills for awhile but now when I can't sleep I take a Lorzapam. It does give me a light feeling much like drinking did at one time until I built up a tolerance. But my doctors give it to me which I feel better about than me trying to loose myself in drink.

You are a strong lady and you have your kids even though your husband turned out to be someone other than whom you thought. Good riddance to cheaters. I hope you meet someone very special that will appreciate you for the person you are. Thank-you for your reply.❤️❤️💐❤️❤️

[CarolineLondon]

Oh well done YOU. Look I know you don't like to admit it young Aspen but slowly, slowly you are improving things in your life. And I for one am proud of you. SO KEEP GOING.

Baby steps, it's good you acknowledge when you've done the good stuff, its also okay to fall down, just be kind to yourself. I think alcohol much as sometimes it can be fun, just confuses the issue.

Try and keep it light, think the best the time will pass anyway. If there isn't a storm doesn't mean there will be one, you are just experiencing change in your life and change can be scary but try and embrace it, know someone is always looking out for you and take deep, slow, long breaths, what is it they say...let go and let God (do all the hardwork).

Try and live in the moment whenever you can (so no thoughts of the future or the past and you will find more peace). After all the truth is all you have is the here and now. You can do this Angel I have great faith in you. So well done again and for sharing XXx

[Hidden in reply to CarolineLondon]

Oops ! I wrote my reply below where I meant to!🌻

[Hidden]

Hello Caroline! Your kind words so make it difficult to stay lost in my depression.😋❤️ I must say I met some very lovely people on my short time on this board. The Depression seems to be the best group in for frequent posts and responses that I have experienced.

I was thinking it would be a rare situation someone woke up and wished they had drank more the night before. The morning after I wrote that post I was a bit proud of myself for not trying to use drink as a bandaid for a broken heart. Instead I wrote my post and received so much kind support. So I thank-you and some other special HU friends for helping me out when I need it most!❤️

This has been the second good day at work in a row. But I just am taking it one day at a time. If my boss turns back into a scary creature then I will deal with it then. But two days in a row without his rapid mood swings and angry cruel words is worth celebrating. Maybe it will be three days in a row but like you suggested- live in the now. Hoping for the best and acknowledging there is potential for some rough waters. But mostly hoping for the best.

Do you know the famous Footprint Prayer? I don't want to ruin the surprise at the end if you don't know it. But I am certain you will like this prayer.❤️ It is inspiring!❤️

Thank-you so much for your kind reply and support. I hope you are having a lovely weekend!💐

[CarolineLondon]

Aspen I have been gripped by a cold and may not see it through to tea time...lol. No I dont know the foot print prayer I'll have to check it out.

Well done keep going and my advice DONT catch cold its a right ole pain in the behind XX

[jue1]

Whiskey keep off that will turn your liver into stone......and scar your lungs with ulcers

turn your blood into water....should i go on (that should do it)

Find yourself a nice friend who you can talk with about your problems...........if you can

or look forward to something nice like a holiday....................(works for me)

drink will not help you...............good that you could write down at that moment how you feel and understand it.... I feel for you and understand every word .

thinking about you..............nice post jue1

[Hidden]

Thank-you for your kind and caring response. You are very right in everything you say! I have not drank since February. I have it here but have no tempation since I wrote my post. I think all the support really helped me! If a person writes a post and people respond almost right away it keeps the writer encouraged not to drink. And when they write after the posts it supports the person when they are feeling vulnerable. I really appreciate your warm thoughts.💐