Some days, I love life and being single is the best thing ever, I can focus on making loud heavy metal and I love listening to bands like Avatar and The Defiled and picking up my bass and playing along even if I don't know the notes and screaming along with the vocals. It makes me feel really good talking about it and I've heard some really good things about what people have said about me which makes me feel on top of the world even though I'm single. I keep noticing one girl looking at me but I don't even know who she is and I doubt she now who I am, I don't have the balls to go up to her and even if I did I wouldn't know what to say or do, she's quite attractive and she dresses quite emo like me haha.
The rest of the time however, I feel like writing a suicide note and just going to the train station and killing myself, I hate being single - no-one loves me and I don't love anyone, it's probably best like that but I can't help thinking that I need someone in my life just to keep me alive, this makes me sound really dependent on others which I'm not usually but I just want that one person who's there for me no matter what happens. Everyone is falling in love around me and I've just stuck myself in the social group which only focuses on gaming and tech. It's really sad but it's the only way I know that I won't get hurt by back-stabbers and being with those guys just makes me happy, I feel like people actually want me around because they like talking to me.
A good friend Lucy has been talking to me about her troubles with her ex and I've now become focused on helping people through this sort of thing, I found out that her ex has been manipulating her so I punched a huge hole in my wardrobe (probably not my best idea I know) but I just hate it when people I get close to and I care about, get hurt by some self-righteous mug (can't swear on the site, dam!).
I don't know what to do with myself and I know I can't go on like this anymore.