Confused I guess?

Erm.. I don't really know how to start? Or even if I can get help here?...

I'm 22 and feeling incredibly poop! "/ I've not long came out of a 4 year relationship.. Witch to say the least was my first heartbreak. I've been battling with myself for the past 5 months.. Trying to pick myself up and brush off these feelings.. But lately I'm realising im not as strong as I thought i was. I've been trying to socialize more with friends I lost.. I've tried going out drinking.. Probably drinking more than I should, I've tried taking hard drugs and ive tried to get intimate with other people. But non of these things seem to pick me up? Like when I go out drinking, I have fun.. Let lose, take drugs and drunk excessivly, but the next day and the come down make me feel so so low! I always thought I was a strong person, but a few weeks ago I ended up cutting myself! I KNOW! I'm an idiot, I was drunk.. Going home to an empty flat and horrible thoughts running through my mind! I know all this might sound silly to some people it sounds silly to me to, but I genuinely feel like I no longer won't to be on this earth anymore. I know that might sound dramatic but it's just how I feel. After cutting myself I felt so lost. I felt so weak. After that I had to hide my wrist from family and friends and was possibly the worst feeling I've ever had! I haven't spoken to anyone about the way I feel because I just feel stupid! I feel like I've completely let myself down! I shouldn't be feeling the way I do! I should be happy that I still have a handful of friends and a family, I just don't know who i can trust. I don't know who I can talk to about how im feeling. I've tried to take myself to the doctors but the day I say I'll go.. I feel better that day, I feel like I Finaly have control over my head again, and I believe that I've got over the worst. But the truth is.. I'm not, I just don't know how to pick myself up anymore. I literally don't even know who I am? I don't no what I enjoy doing, my career path has changed, and I just feel lost. Lost and alone. The break up hasn't made me become like this. I have had a little bit of a rough start to life.. But didn't everyone? I think the breakup was just what has finally pushed me to my breaking point. I hope I don't sound silly to people on here? And maybe If someone could just give me a little guidance as to what my next move should be? Because I just want to get out of this slump! And enjoy the life I wanted to make for myself! "/

But anyone with any advice that could just help me with my next move.. I would appriciate that :)

22 Replies

  • Hello, Shabbaa ! I don't know if you are new to the site. I'm pretty new here, a day or two.

    I don't know either if you are a girl or a boy, but it doesn't really matter. I made the comment because I don't want to address you wrongly.

    Well, you are only 22 and for sure with a lot of life ahead of you. Believe when I say I can understand what it means not wanting to live or feeling like we don't want to anymore.

    Unfortunately , problems have the ability to blind us so deeply that we feel so absurdly hopeless.

    I don't know the importance that relationship had for you, but if it was something meaningful, grieving will be one of the things that you will find yourself doing. That is a very natural response after any relationship which was meaningful to us breaks or was damaged somehow.

    Some people will believe you need to be strong and try to live your life regardless of what you are feeling. What I would say to you, it would be to understand what is happening to your emotions and accept that is okay not to feel so strong when your heart is broken. Your feelings need time to be healed, and drinking more or taking drugs is not going to make that happen.

    Are you addicted to drugs or just taking them due the circumstances you are experiencing? I hope the answer is the second, but even if it is , the first can became a reality in your life and very likely will make future much harder for you.

    Shabbaa, when our emotions are all over the place, it is hard to get to a place where things we do or feel make sense. You are not stupid at all. Things really get jumbled up in our minds when we are hurting for whatever reason .

    I know what is like to feel lonely and coming back to an empty house. I know what it is like to look around and not have anyone, besides God ,to care for you. And that, for the ones whom believe Him, we desire that He could materialise, and hug us. But when we try to be still, very still, and cry out to Him, and say exactly how we are feeling, He doesn't need to" materialise", we simply can feel His presence in that stillness of the moment. I don't know what you believe in, but if you believe in Him, don't forget He is there with you in the empty flat. Shabbaa, you don't need to look for intimacy to feel better, because it won't last, and after, it will only make you feel worse because in reality, what you really want is cover up the pain you are in, am I right ?

    Sweetheart, give yourself time to restore your feelings and emotions. Be with people who will support you not with drinking and drugs, but with encouragement, real care, advices which will produce healing in your life and not harm.

    Make a decision and go to your doctor and share with him how you are feeling, that is one of the first steps. Don't rely on the days you think you feel better, because thinking you feel better is different from being emotionally in control of what you may be capable of doing if you, at suddenly,find yourself in a stressful situation. So please, don't rely on those okay feeling moments.

    Cutting yourself is not going to take away the pain even though it may seem like a good idea, and give you the relief you thought you were looking for. However, every time you look at it, it will bring you back those moments you want to forget, it will bring back to the pain you don't want to feel. Do you understand what I am saying ?

    Don't think people in this site are here to judge you, at least, I haven't come across with any judgmental replies. People will express their opinion, and try to help each other, I believe, somehow, based on their own life experiences or knowledge, etc. So , feel free to reach out to someone here when you want to talk.

    You are not a silly person, you may just being doing silly things, but to you, right now,it what you are believing it works for you. But when you stop and reflect about the person you were, had and would like to become, you will see things differently. Grieve what you have to grieve, whether the relationship or the "you", that you don't seem to be able to find anymore. But you are there, just a bit afraid right now, that's all.

    I hope you can have a good night sleep. Remember, you may think you are alone , but God is just there by your side, and we are now by your side through this site.

    Hope to hear from you.

    A big hug.


  • Thankyou so much for your reply.. I really appreciate it :)

    I'm a girl I know it doesn't make much diffrence what gender I am but haven't really wrote much on my profile as I am new here :)

    My realationship did have a lot of meaning to me.. I was so wrapped up in love. The realationship ended because my ex found a new girlfriend whilst she was still me.. I truely loved her.. With every bit of me.. I hung on every word she said to me.. How we were made for eachother.. We'd always be together.. I gave up everything just to make sure she was happy.. Make sure that what ever she needed/wanted she had! She had my hole heart.. And she ending up breaking my heart to be with a new girl.. I was upset and hurt.. But now when I think about it.. If she wasn't happy with me then she deserves to be with someone that will make her happy? But I just can't but think how come she got that happy ending? How come she got the house.. The dog.. New girlfriend.. And I got nothing.. Nothing but an empty cold flat.. With no one around me? I thought bad things happy to bad people not good people?

    I hate feeling this low.. I've never felt so low in my hole life.. And I just can't seem to find that pick me up anymore?

    I just want to be happy? That's all I want? Doesn't matter if that happiness comes from a new partner.. Or just by me finding out who I am? Things I like to do? Things I actually like? I feel so frustrated with myself that I let myself get this lost.. I was so blinded by love i ended up losing myself.

    I'm not addicted to drugs... I just don't seem to know when to say no! When to realise enough is enough! But I'm so wrapped up in the moment.. That taking drugs will just take away the pain for a few hours.. Just let myself completely go and enjoy the time I have... But the next day.. The come down from all the alcohol and drugs makes me feel so much worse than I already did.. So I do go out and drink more to stop myself feeling like that again.. It's just a Vicious Circle "/

    I really want to get myself to the doctors and tell him how I've been feeling? Get that little bit of help that I need.. But I'm so scared... Scared that he could tell me I'm being stupid.. Or I'm making up my feelings? When I sit and talk to myself I do sound stupid? Feeling like this just because I've had a heart break.. People split up all the time and they seem to do just fine.. Why can't I be one of those people? Why can't I just pick myself up and dust of the dirt and move on?

    When I'm completly sober.. I see how much I need some help... I know I need a little help and know I would probably benefit so much having a counsellor.. Just someone that I can tell my feelings to.. But I get scared.. Even just thinking about going to the doctors and opening up makes me just want to hide.. I don't even know what I would say to the doctor? 'Hi I've been feeling sad lately?'

    This is what puts me of going because I just don't know what to say when I get there?

    Do you have any tips I could use on getting myself down there and getting the ball rolling?

    But thanks again for replying.. Meant a lot


  • Hi, Shabbaa! Good afternoon. I have just noticed you had replied .

    Before , saying much, I just would like to thank you for wanting to share more with me (or others) and giving me more details on your circumstances.

    You asked me if i had some tips to help to get to the doctors. I dont have tips and I can't put myself in your situation because I am not you, however, I will tell you what I believe it is the way to go, and you have to make your decision, okay?

    1. Would you be seeing a doctor who you are familiar with ?

    2. Do you trust him/her?

    3- Have you ever shared any emotional matters to him/her before?

    4- Does he /she know you "use" drugs ?

    5-Have you cut yourself before? Does this doctor know about it ?

    6- Would you feel more comfortable to talk to a male or female doctor?

    7- What are you thinking she may say that may make you feel worse than how you are feeling right now?

    I could go on and on, but these are just some questions that may help you to feel more at ease at the surgery.

    The doctor is not there to judge you, and if they try, don't let them. How we feel, the only one that can say if it is true or not, it is the One who has created you, and that was not a doctor. Of course there are people that fake or whatever, but those , I am sure the doctors will be able to realise that at some point. So don't worry about what they are going to say. If you think a bit rationally , they will have to say something, so just wait to hear him/her,and try not to antecipate any conclusion, okay? I know it is pretty hard to do that sometimes, but you at least can try and see for yourself .

    Doctors can't control their patients' problem to suit them. They cant choose only to deal with " a flu". So make the appointment, be a brave girl, and put one a foot forward, and the other will follow.


    Shabbaa, I am a mum, a friend, a sister, a wife, a daughther who is an orphan , a university student, and have other roles. In every role we have in our lives, we gain experiences that will make us into the person we will become one day. Many of us will experience things which will make life a bit or a lot harder than others, and I am tempted to believe that's why God has provided the world with such a different outlook, and by doing that each one of us will always find someone to be there for us, sooner or later, because what we go through in life enables us to gather experiences that may be essential to somebody else, and sometimes, we go through things just to be able to reach out to another human being.

    You are only 22 years old, and unfortunately is already experiencing a pain that we could say unecessary. However, we don't have control over other people's choices. They, many times, make choices and forget we were part of their lives and hearts, and that can have a devasted result to the ones left watching they movin on ( or pretending to have moved on) while we are picking up the pieces on our own. It hurts us deeply, whether is a realtionship between "true"friends or any other kind. They hurt, it is as simple as that.

    I am going to get some of your words:

    "I was so wrapped up in love. The realationship ended because my ex found a new girlfriend whilst she was still me.. I truely loved her.. With every bit of me.. I hung on every word she said to me.. How we were made for eachother.. We'd always be together.. I gave up everything just to make sure she was happy.. Make sure that what ever she needed/wanted she had! She had my hole heart.. And she ending up breaking my heart to be with a new girl.. I was upset and hurt.. But now when I think about it.. If she wasn't happy with me then she deserves to be with someone that will make her happy? But I just can't but think how come she got that happy ending? How come she got the house.. The dog.. New girlfriend.. And I got nothing.. Nothing but an empty cold flat.. With no one around me? I thought bad things happy to bad people not good people? "

    Right ...

    As I attempted to say before, our experiences in life, many times makes who we are today.

    I can see clearly by your words, that the person became someone you invested all your coins on .

    Shabbaa, when we are in love, or even when we just love people, in general, too much, we have the tendency of believing we cant live without them. Isnt the feeling you are having now? I have been there too, in different occasions. Whether is a friend, family , boyfriend, husband, etc, the feeling that we can't make it without that person is beyond our rational ability of seeing anything else. This happens , Shabbaa, because our emotions are involved in the process of the depature from those people. It is REALLY , REALLY, hard even to believe we will be able to take the next breath because it hurts us so , so , much, darling.

    I don't know what kind of experiences you have been through in life, but I can see what kind of behaviour you have displayed in your relationship and that was not very helpful so that you could have something left in you to give a push to bring you back.

    You said, " I gave up everything for her". I am not going to reapeat all your words, but by my own experiences in life , and as someone that wishes to know you will be okay in the future, I will share what life itself has taught, and actually taugh me a big lesson very recently, as I am going through a very hurtful time in my life as well, different circumstances from yours, but pain is pain all over the world

    My darling, one the first lessons this expereince should bring to you , is that we don't give up everything for the sake of somebody else. Period. You don't realise that when you say " I gave everything up for her", you are also saying, I gave up my self-respect, for the sake of someone else, and when you give up your self-respect for the love of someone else, you gave up the only thing in you that would help you to "put you in the first gear" to move on. Our self-respect can't, musn't be compromised , should not be sold at any cost.

    Self-respect, Shabbaa, is that thing in us, that when we dont display clearly to others, that is when they stop respecting us and everything about us, and that may make them think they have the legality to treat us how they deem okay, and when they do , we are left powerless by the pain that it causes. It is a very serious issue.

    To love isnt to give up everything for somebody else. To love is not to believe in everythng someone says to us and not pay attention if his words match with his actions. To love is not to accept people's wills and disregard ours. To love doesnt mean to believe that the realtionship will be forever, but to live that relationship truly while exists because actually there is no forever, one day we will die, that relationship will be over and pain will be inevitable. We just can hide from it . The problem with love Shabbaa, is that when we take our feet off the ground, we are in a big, big, trouble.

    Sometimes, and very likely depending on our emotional needs, we think that if we do or supply the other person with everything he/she needs , they will always love us and be there for us. However, this is not the truth. Real relationships of any kind need to have the interest of both parts at heart, not only one part. Did this person do for you all you did for her ? I guess not. But your emotional needs made you believe that what you were doing was okay and that the realtionship would survive by only one person investing in it. It doesnt work like that. Relationships are just like little plants. A plant in commum and two different gardeners but equipped with the same amount of seeds, fertiliser , plant food, sunlight and water. The idea is that both gardeners will pour a bit of all they have been supplied with so that there wont be shortage of anything from both sides. But in many relationships what happens is that only person pours into it, or pours too much too soon, or even pours all at once , and than kills the plant/person by suffocation. The beauty of realtionship is when two people go together to the "plant" pour a bit of love, time, care, consideration, integrity, honesty, listening ears, etc. , this way there will always have something left for the next day and neither of them will find themselves empty, because when they do together , the plant produces something and give to the gardeners a bit back of what they have invested in it, and the cicle continues. That is a healthy relationship, Shabbaa.

    There is a song by Bette Midler that says " you've got to give a little, take little , laugh a little , cry a little and let your poor heart break a little, that's the story of , that's the glory of love." That 's what love is about - A LITTLE OF EVERYTHING.

    As I am trying to leave you in peace, i just would like to add something to your reply:

    " But now when I think about it.. If she wasn't happy with me then she deserves to be with someone that will make her happy? But I just can't but think how come she got that happy ending? How come she got the house.. The dog.. New girlfriend.. And I got nothing.. Nothing but an empty cold flat.. With no one around me? I thought bad things happy to bad people not good people? "

    If I put you your words into a picture frame now, of course it would be a sad picture , I understand that.

    But if I could give you a blank canvas, what is that you would like to add to it from the point where you mind and heart will be calmer and hurting less?

    This experience has given a lot of tools for your future relationships. it has given you the opportunity to make better choices in the future, not only in relation to people, but most of all, your behaviour in the relationship towards them. If in this new canvas, that I am sure you are going to be able to add things that will edify your life, you choose to act the same way you acted in the realtionship before, you will get the same result, do you understand?

    Use the hurt , disappointment to help you to take a sincere look at your heart , and find what is that that may do that may cause someone to break your heart again. Think about the reasons why you gave up everything for somebody else, because when you find the real reasons, and the real reason is not only because you loved the person, you will realise that if the motives were to keep the person with you or make her love you more , it didnt work as you could see yourself. So you cant do that again next time. You will fall in love again, but next time, you need to remember you are dealing with another human being that has faults, makes mistake and will definetely let you down soon or later, but lettingus down doesnt need to harm. If you allow yourself to be emotionally involved with someone else having in mind these truths, you will be more likely to overcome disappointments in a less devastaded way to your life.

    Don't think about what the person took with after she left, all these things are part of a picture frame that you dont want in your life anymore. Make the appointment, talk to the doctor and whether he gives something to keep your emotional balance in check or refers you to counselling , take care of your health first, and when you feel emotional stronger, I know you will be able to regain what you once lost - YOURSELF-

    I am sorry for writing so much. I hope I have't bored you with my blah . blah , blah.

    Take care, Shabbaa. And again, you are not alone. God is just at the distance of a movement of your lips. He can hear you and guide you far better than any one of us here may. But Im glad that He can use this site as a channel to people to show love and care towards each other.

    God bless you.

    A big hug.


  • Thank you so much again for your reply back.. And let me just say first.. I never get bored reading your replys.. You speak nothing but the truth and help me see more clearer in how I'm feeling.. So I thankyou from the bottom of my heart.

    I've been with my doctor since I was born.. So I know him fairly well.. I think I could trust him.. I'm just not sure he knows how to deal with patients who are experiencing the problems i have.. My mother deals with very bad depression and has been going round in circles with out doctor to try get the help she needs.. I think that's what puts me of going down as I feel he could just hand over some medication and hope if feel better? My doctors doesn't know I take drugs.. Or I have cut my wrists... A few years back I tried to take my own life.. And because I was hospitalised that would probably show on his records I guess?

    In my realationship I guess I did try to hard to fight for something that wasn't there anymore.. Are realationship didn't start of the greatest and was rocky from the start.. But we learnt to forgive eachothers past and start fresh.. But when I felt like she was slipping away I tried so hard to make her see why we first got together.. How much I loved her and how much she once loved me.. I didn't want to lose her.. We had been threw so much together and it was my first love.. So I think I was abit nieve to think I wokldnt get hurt? I truely thought I knew her? And I think that's what hurt the most.. That I got my judgment so wrong about her?

    I do feel like I'm over the hole heart break now.. I don't think about her as much as I did.. But I just can't seem to shake off these feelings? I hate feeling so low.. I don't want to be this person? And I truely dont.. I want to have the life I've dreamt of.. I want to work hard and get all the things I've dreamt of having... But it just seems so far away.. I feel like ive failed at my life already so why bother to carry on? What's the point in working hard?

    I've been sober for about 4 days now.. Witch is the longest I've stayed.. I've thinking a lot clearer.. And I think I'm ready to just bite the bullet and go and see my doctor? What's the worst that could happen hay?

    I'm not much of a big believer in God.. But lately I have found myself talking/ shouting out to him.. Wanting him to guide me to the path I should b taking... Help me move out of this slump.. But I never seem to get any indication he's heard me? Never have any sign that he's showing me the way "/

    I'm sorry to hear your having a rough time yourself.. And I may only be 22 but if you ever want to just get some things of your chest maybe I could help you out alittle? Because your replys honestly make me feel so much better.. When I read them it feels like your inside my head.. How you speak is just how I feel.. And I do appreciate you taking the time to reply to my posts :)

    Thankyou so much.

  • Hello. like me , are you stiil up ?

  • I will write to you more later on today,but before leaving you , I just want to say that I am really proud of you for being sobber for 4 days, it shows that you are trying to see things from different perspectives , however this is only going to be possible if you allow your mind to be free from alchool and drugs.

    I am glad I dont bore you with my replies. Writing seems very natural to me, so when I see it , I have written a "newspaper".

    Thank you for your concern towards me. I found that to be able to write on this site with the intention of reaching out to someone else has been helping me as well. When our pain can help us to help others, the pain is never in vain.

    I am glad that you found yourself shouting out to God. The sign He is listening to you is that all of us took our time to reply to your post and care for you. That's how He shows His love. However the knowledge of Him is something more personal and only yourself can desire to have. Keep on shouting out to Him, He never gets tired of your voice.

    Talk to you later.

    a big hug,


  • Sorry I've only just seen your reply.. Hope that your well :)

    Thankyou for your reply again.. After reading what you've just said.. About being im here was a sign from God.. Even thou im not a believer in him.. What you say makes me kind of think twice? Like after having a rough couple of nights nights befor finding this site I was talking to myself in the flat.. Asking him to help me out of this hole I've gotten myself into.. And I seem to have just stumbled across this site after looking through Google for some advice.. So is this his sign for me to be on here speaking out to peoe who have felt how I feel?

    I have had a drink tonight.. Kind of feel like I've let myself down.. But I didn't drink a lot tonight.. Few glasses of wine just sat in my flat.. But not drunk so hopefully there will be no come down in the morning :)

    Hope that your ok thou :) hope to hear from you soon :)

  • are you there ???

  • Im here now yeah :)

  • Hello, you ! How are you feeling today in general? I have the feeling that you are not wonderful but I sense that you can think much more clearer at the moment.

    I forgave for drinking (lol) only joking. I guess you are having more control over your life, your own words showed that: "I only had few glasses of wine", so to me it is an improvement. I am sorry if I sound like a mother, but I am one, so it is almost inevitable not to care. But please, dont get me wrong, I am not intending to suffocate you with my "care".

    What do you believe in, Shabbaa?

    It is so good to see that even though you are not a big believer, you are open to see the little "miracles" that happens in your life without you realising. The little miracle that you didn't drink for some days, the little miracle that we are chatting here, the little miracle that you woke up, the little miracle that you are consideringg going to the doctor, etc. These things may not mean anything to anyone, but to those who desperate need to see God's hands somehow, somewhere, these are big miracles. And I have been from the other side of this site , and I am a witness of how you were feeling some days ago, and how you may be feeling today. Maybe not that great yet, but not the same either, are you ?

    So what have you done today? Do you see your mum frequentely ?

    a big hug.

    I will be around for a while if you want to chat.


  • We seem get to keep missing each other when we're both online haha.. In general I feel ok.. Not amazing.. But ok i guess.. Just need to keep thinking good happy things because every time I think of the past i work myself up to a state that I don't need to get to?

    I don't really believe in anything.. Just never have.. Even thou when I'm in bad times I seem to call out for him so I guess I must believe a little?.. I see my mum quiet a lot.. Just lately with the way I've been feeling I haven't been round to see her.. But tomorrowhen I wake up I might go round and see her for a few hours :)

    I haven't really done much today:. I did get dressed and actually move out of the flat thou.. Got a few bits and bobs and some fresh air.. That's as exciting as my day got :) how about yourself? Did you do anything good? Or have anything planed for tomorrow? :)

    Sorry we missed eachother again

  • Hello! How are you ?

  • hello, shabbaa! have you been okay ?

  • I really hope you are doing okay.

  • Thank you for sharing. It sounds like the things you are doing to cope are not really Helping; getting drunk, taking drugs and trying to move on. Maybe trying something else, might work better. I am wondering if this is what you are trying now? It is a big change in your life when a long term relationship ends, it is also an opportunity. You can find out who you really are and what you really want. It's painful, but it can also lead to a better and more enjoyable life. Talking can help, it's not just about feeling bad, it's about finding your way. Maybe the Doctor could help by referring you to counselling. Focus on what is left after this big change and focus on what you want. I really hope this helps, it is a roller-coaster time, with ups and downs.

  • I completely agree with afriendofjesus. I have been through a VERY similar situation and have PTSD on top of it. Its is really really tough... and, it takes TIME! That answer STINKS... I know it. I 've been there.. and the last thing you want to think about is being in this state for a longer time! Be kind to yourself... come to this place for support... love yourself and please hang in there. Counseling is something I would have NEVER considered.. but, I'm trying it.. and SOMETIMES... it helps. Look into this. Breathe... and give yourself some space to learn and grow from this.. And- some credit! This is tough. You will get through it.

  • Hello, Change 2015! Thanks for the appreciation on my comment. We are all here,I guess, to help each other. I hope you are doing better too. I do hope Shabbaa is feeling a bit better. It is strange how we want to know how these people we even dont know are doing, isnt it? But I guess the moment we take our time to help someone , we desire to know how they are doing.

    Best regards,


  • Very True! And, its wonderful to be around people for a change who understand and can relate- THAT is for sure! God bless! :)

  • God bless you, too.

  • OMG when I split up from my partner a couple of years ago I felt so broken, I thought I would never get over it. I was a real mess for months. I thought he was the love of my life lol. I'm not talking lightly it took me a couple of years to get over it. I did get over it, in time bI met someone else. I realise now I fixated on my ex because something was missing in my life. What we had was not real but I clung to it. I

    Have now found new love but it gas taken time. I wish you well xx

  • Hi Shabbaa,

    I know how you feel. 7 years ago, my husband of 21 years (we'd been together for 25) decided he wanted a "redo" out of life, and dumped me and our 2 kids for a much, much younger woman. I had left my career for him, so the kids and I were not in great shape financially. It really, really, really, really, really sucked!!! And I was in so much pain! I kept super busy and had to keep a front up for my children, but the minute I sat down with nothing to do, I started bawling uncontrollably. The divorce was protracted - about 3 years, while he tried to wring as much money out of me as he could, never mind how it hurt our children.

    The worst of the pain (the constant sharp knife in the gut feeling - you know what I mean) lasted about 6 months for me. (It's different for everyone.) After that I started getting dull ache days interspersed with the knife-in-the-gut days. After about a year, I mostly had dull ache days, with occasional good days. The I started having more and more good days.

    I'm 7 years out now, and have almost all good days, with a bad day once or twice a month (I'm still not fully recovered financially.) I'm to where I can see the the good side of him being gone (my house is peaceful, no tension EVER, and I can do whatever I want, whenever I want to.) My children had a little bit of a rough time at first, but are now doing great - both at university studying engineering.

    What helped me:

    * I talked about what happened and what a jerk he was to everyone who showed the least sign of being willing to listen. I talked about it constantly. I was a very, very boring person for a couple of years, but that's ok, because I needed to talk about it, and it wasn't forever. (I hardly ever talk about it now, unless I encounter a person going through a similar experience, and think sharing might help).

    * I had two children and 2 cats to take care of. My cats loved me unconditionally, and my kids told me they loved me (in between typical grief teenagers give moms). And I had to keep things going - everyone needed food, and the kids needed to keep up their activities so their lives didn't change drastically. If you have a pet, like a dog or something, they give you love, and they need care and consistency; and you have to be unimpaired enough to take care of them. They're also really handy when you just need a snuggle.

    * I know stuff like this hurts, and expected the pain. If it didn't hurt, there would be something badly wrong with you. I also know the pain fades with time. You just have to be patient. It's like walking through a tunnel. You just keep putting one foot in front of the other, and you eventually will get to the end of the tunnel.

    I'm going to ask you to trust me - I'm 50 years old and I've seen a bunch of ups and downs, and whenever my life is feeling really crummy, I know I just need to wait patiently, and then things will be better. Sometimes way better than I expected. When you're 22, I think it's harder to trust that things will get better because you haven't seen it happen as many times as I have.

    But please, please trust me and wait it out. Give yourself permission to hurt, and know that it won't last forever. The pain WILL fade, and you WILL feel better. And while you're waiting, PLEASE don't do anything permanently damaging to yourself! I don't want you to spoil the wonderful things that WILL come your way!


  • I know the feeling.. and it's quite a mess.. Ive always been the good girl, and the most reliable person ever.. Till i met this guy from another religion.. I didnt date him, but he was the closest person ever.. and now it's all over.. so am broken without a break up.. i dont if i even love him or want him back..

    well coming back to you i know it's a mesS

    dont put yourself in unnecessary danger by cutting ur wrists and gettin drunK

    trust me, it's not

    worth it

    I know these things are easier said than done.. but ull have to be strong for yourself

    get urself a change of air

    hang out with different people

    dont keep anythng that reminds you of him

    do things that u enjoy

    dont get into a love relationship just now

    just change everything about yourself

    it's high time u carve ur own life without anyone's influence and u enjoy it

    in other words, fake it till you make iT

    u are 22.. and u have a lifetime of opportunities in front of you..

    make good use of that

    this age wont come back

    enjoy it while u can

    uve already lost the guy.. maybe he was not worth it

    now dont lose anything more

    u can urself see the wise choice

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