45

45 years old is approaching—and I don't know what to do with my life anymore. Very little interests me, I just want to sleep. Pursuing my dreams seems pointless... I'm struggling to make my life meaningful again. And patting myself on the back for the little things in life doesn't quite pull me out of this prolonged period of abnormally low energy and motivation... This is not to say I'm completely and utterly down. A small percentage of me enjoys reading stuff that interests me, eating cookies, listening to music, going on the occasional bike ride, taking pictures, cooking... Through purpose you find passion, you find happiness, you find drive, you find meaning in an apparently meaningless existence. Questions that are currently beleaguering my mind:

What on earth can make me enthusiastic and eager again???

What is the difference between people who are able to pick themselves up, get over problems, versus those that are not?

Human beings are never fully free from conditions. To what extent do we have choices in the things that happen to us? Does the percentage of choices really matter??

20 Replies

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  • You need to carry on doing those things that you enjoy - but maybe not eating too many cookies ;-). That is all you need to have meaning in your life. Do the essential jobs and try to fill the rest of your time with activities that you enjoy. You seem to know what those things are so that's great.

    The difference between people like you and me that don't get over stuff easily is that we think more about things. You can't think less but that is ok if you accept that and try to distract that mind.

    Best wishes. A

  • Adamski, I totally agree. I definitely tend to dwell and scrutinize things, but I've been learning to relax and let things go.

  • I have very similar thoughts to you - I DO things and enjoy them at times but am struggling to find meaning in life. I think that is a sign of depression, searching for something outside oneself to make life make sense... I don't have any answers, can only share your wonderings. x

  • Hiya, sorry to hear about how you feel, but I have been through, and suppose am still going through what you are. When I felt like this I had no one to talk to about it and compare notes. It would be nice if you could reply and hopefully we could help one another. It would be refreshing, not depressing and you never know we might just motivate one another. Hope you are well.

  • Hi back, Fattie. It's funny, after doing hordes of reading about depression, anxiety, ADHD, etc., I understand the reasons behind my depression. The realization that changing my life is not easy is the final blow keeping me down. What makes me feel good is that many people who are able to thrive (and quite successfully) may be the real ones suffering from mental abnormality. They have an exaggerated sense of their own importance and abilities. And that makes them move forward. There's something to learn there.

  • People with depression do think to much,me included. May be you could read a little. This always helps me to see how others deal with life. Your life seems quite full to me but I do know what you mean by wanting more enthusiasm! Perhaps you could do volunteer work if you're able. I'm fifty next year so I think of you as a mere youngster lol:) with so many exciting things ahead of you. Hugs Sam x

  • First of all you maybe have some medical condition causing this lethargy so I would make an appointment to see your GP. It was at about this age when I was feeling down that I was diagnosed with underactive thyroid & commencing on thyroxine made a big difference. Also get a hobby that you are interested in. You may also have depression which needs to treated. Look after yourself.

  • My GP has ruled out any thyroid issue.

  • I've mentioned underactive thyroid a few times to my GP but they ignore it, say bloods are normal. I keep meaning to get them to do the full thyroid tests but it's exhausting making sure everything is followed through...

  • I WAS BEGINNING TO FEEL THAT WAY, BUT MY SOCIAL WORKER ME TO MAKE A LIST OF THINGS THAT I DID BEFORE, THEN START DOING THEM. I HAVE DONE THINGS NOW

    THAT I FEARED I COULDN'T 'DO BUT TO MY SURPRISE. I FEEL BETTER ABOUT MYSELF & YOU WILL TOO ....... DO YOU HAVE A FRIEND OR RELATIVE THAT YOU CONFIDE IN IF NOT SEEK HELP FROM PROFESSIONAL.. LOVE TO YOU. I'M 83...... IF I CAN DO IT SO CAN YOU. GO FOR IT YOU WON''T BE SORRY............... LET US KNOW WHAT YOU DID & HOW YOU FEEL ABOUT IT..... WHEN YOU CHECK IN ........................................................................................................................................................................

    ...............................AGAIN START W/ I........ DID ..................YIPPEE.......... GENA

  • Hi there Richard. You are 45 not 75 so relax. I personally feel you are

    Overthinking everything here, I'm 65 and feel fine

    Forget trying to find answers to the great existential questions. Maybe it's that there are no answers. Live each

    Day and try and push yourself to do at least one fun/ happy thing each day.

    We have no choice over what happens to us, but we have a choice over

    How we react and act. You have choices so get cracking and enjoy each day.

    Think of the positives . What you have going for you. Don't wait to be mitivated,

    Take action and it will happen. Doing fun things will help you get back into

    The zone.

    You are a bright articulate guy. You have lots going for you if you could just

    See it

    This life is not a dress rehearsal so dont waste it worrying about why we are

    Here. Sometimes life has no meaning. The meaning is to enjoy each day and

    Forget all your expectations.

    Change the mindset and you will be more up.

    Hannah xx

  • Do you have family or friends around you who can help or at least talk at !!cycling is usually a very good exercise to shake the blues away

  • Lizherd, yes, cycling—any form of exercise—certainly helps. Reg. family: I have a distant relationship with siblings and both my parents have passed away. But I do have a few good friends to talk to. ;)

  • Hi....I totally understand how you feel... we are both of a similar age and I am also struggling to find meaning..... However......I stopped drinking any alcohol a couple of weeks ago which seems to have lifted the clouds a bit and the sun shining seems to have made a difference?...... small gains in clearing the fog but anything is better than nothing.......I wish you luck

  • Yeah, alcohol works when you have meaning in your life. When you don't have meaning, it finishes flattening you. I've cut back a great deal with drinking, and I also feel better.

  • I've been through this as well. I've discovered mindfulness as an amazing tool to discovery the finer things in life. It brings you back into the moment and teaches you to be kind to yourself. Good luck x

  • I think the same regarding meaningfulness. The thing that helps me is feeling valued. The only thing really that constantly sustains my interest and I'm passionate about is studying any form of history. Hope this helps Andy

  • Hi I am 45 now. I sympathise with you. I have not been feeling too good lately. I have no siblings no kids my parents are getting older, I keep having panic attacks and I am sure I am being stalked. I sometimes wonder how I go on

  • Hi there, forget age, that's just a number... if we're talking about the purpose in life, or how we're meant to feel, be, whatever.. I think we should remember we are just animals (alright, very clever animals and at the top of the food chain (or is it the bottom?) I don't think our life has any more importance than any other animal here.. you watch your cat and dog and all they want to do, is seek shelter, play, eat, drink, sleep, toilet and pro-create... that's it....

    Our basic needs are the same, it's just as humans we have so many more options and this sets us on the path to unhappiness, buy more, earn more, do more... we set our selves up for failure... instead of just living or getting through our lives....xx

  • hi dale here i totally agree you are thinking too much and it is hard to stop,Im 45 this year myself i had never had kids in and out of relationships never really settled.was in submarines for 9 years have had numerous jobs travelled lots thought i had the ideal no responsibilities life.loved parachuting,all sports doing and watching then 8 years ago met someone and had a child 4 years later so my life went from been all about me which i was selfish i must admit to.and been all about my child and partner, stresses of work, late shifts ,argument with partner about crap shifts no sleep ruthless manager.i dont know when it hit me but my head just popped i thought it was mid life crises been told low mood and emotional stress and work stress plus sleep deprivation.yhe last 2 months have been hell im still off work on citalopram thinking i should be stronger.whatever hits you never give up hope i thought that was it for me. i have learned through myself and people it will get better self help book positive apps on my phone hypnosis mindfulness.i used to self criticise,try to mind read.catastrophize lots of things but the reading has helped me.i wanted to do things but the hours of my job stopped it and slowly i stopped doing things and became depressed but i am getting there and starting to enjoy things again little by little finding myself.i wanted to go back to work today my occu health advisor recommended it but on normal hours my hr turned them down and said stay off for 6/8 more weeks so i dont impede my progress i feel like its has hindered me by not letting me back.but i will continue and you should try to find the little things first then the big stuff you like will follow.hang in there.

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