seeking help for some1

i dont know if i should post this cos this is not about me... im in a relationship with very depressed person,and am just trying to find help for him and for our relationship.. basically he takes tablets almost every day(not sure if they still works for him),he have good and bad days but most of them are really bad ones..he cant get out of bed,feel really down,dont want to talk to any1 & is generally unhappy & tired. am trying as much as i can to support him but sometimes i just dont know what to do .. so now am thinking of finding some counselling or support group for both of us so he could feel am there for him,and want to help, but dont know where to look for .. does any one could suggest some places or groups..i would appreciate any respond

we are all beautiful and deserve just to be happy!

a x

16 Replies

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  • Hi I sympathise with you as this can't be easy to deal with. I don't know of any groups where you could go as well and am not sure this would help. He can ask his doctor to refer him for nhs counselling. You don't need to go with him to support him you know and he might even feel constrained if you attended too. x

  • thanks ... i wish to go with him so he will feel am there to help,but maybe you are right..

    'open your mind and eyes to realize how beautiful is life' !

    a x

  • Hi, No has a informal carer - you must have the support from whom ever you can to support your partner - however some people feel that he should take the 1st step

    and you must encourage him to do so - we are all in charge of our own life's at the end of the day - its always been a difficult area --- ask him to see his GP - and check out what his problems are and encourage him to go alone in the 1st visit see how that goes --- (also you must make sure your relationship is strong and thats not the problem) its so difficult so many reasons have to be taken into account?

    Just be careful and see if he agrees to see the GP 1st who can refer him to a councillor if need be, Think of yourself also ---- nobody else will Good Luck and Take Care jue1

  • thank you for you kind words... he is on medication prescribed from his gp but i dont think they are really helping.. he knows i want to help him but i dont know if he wants to help him self & thats the issue..

    life is so short but worth living !

    a x

  • The first step is just to talk to eachtoher be strong for him and then when he is ready get him to see a doctor. That is the first step to admit to yourself that you have a problem before you can admit it to anyone else. The one person who has to be the strongest is the person suffering and for that they need the love an compasion of those around them.

  • phoenix2173 he knows his depression is affecting his life & also sometimes our relationship.. am trying to be strong and support him as much as i can but many times i catch my self on having weak days that i want to just walk away cos i cant handle the pressure :( ....and then in those moments i put my self in his shoes and think that i would appreciate to have some1 on my side ...so i try even harder !

    ' love ... '

    a x

  • Youre not alone i have depression and find talking about problems makes it easier, im here if you want to talk

  • thank you so much... i just wish to know how i can help .. its so painful to see him having really bad days, he literally spend all day in bed and barely talk to any1..he struggling to open up and talk about it & am opposite.. i want to talk to solve the problems..

    ahhh i don't know what to do so am looking for some advice's form other ppl

    a x

  • i found that i avoided talking then sudenly i just opened up be there for him at the moment try to make him feel good about himself

  • If what he's doing isn't working, he needs to see his GP. You need to insist he go.

    Some people use their depression as a tool to make others take care of them. ("If I'm sick enough, she'll take care of me and never leave me. So I need to stay sick so she doesn't leave.") Often, the sick person doesn't even realize what he's doing.

    Other people need to be the rescuer/mother. They may not be happy, and in fact may be exhausted and sacrifice their own happiness and even career. But they would feel too guilty to stop doing it.

    When two people like this get together, it's bad. They get in a pattern where the sick person stays sick, and the caretaker gets more and more exhausted, and eventually becomes sick herself.

    The big clue if you're in a pattern like this is if the sick person is refusing to get help. If you are in this pattern, you need to protect yourself. You need to get counseling for yourself to get help breaking out of it. Depression is hard, and sometimes one needs to switch medications, and sometimes one needs counseling, and sometimes both. Unless you are licensed in this area of medicine, you are not qualified to give this kind of help. If either you or he are expecting you to provide help that's equal to the results a doctor can provide, that's really, really not fair. To either of you.

    Get your partner to a doctor. Insist on it. Bribe him. Threaten him. Hit him over the head and drag him by his heals. Whatever it takes.

  • thank you Kris ..

    i do understand what you are saying but i just cant walk away..even that i have my ups and downs ,struggle some days ..i just cant... love is blind and me as a partner have responsibility to look after him and help him when he needs me ... obvs i wont let him to take over my life ... i just wish to shake him and sort it out all his issues ...

    'life is like a constant story '

    a x

  • Hi, I am so glad that you are there for your partner. Unfortunately I don't have much support from my other half and it's tough. We don't talk much and he's spoken about leaving me. Encourage your partner to go see his doctor and get help. Make sure he knows you are there for him as well and offer to go to any appointments or sessions with him. My GP gave me leaflets with regards couple counselling as I told him about the problems with my husband, but since he's refused to even do that it's adding to my anxiety, depression and is stressing me out. Your husband needs to take the firs step of going to the doctor, but you can be there to support him if he needs you to go with him.

    Good luck.

  • 20voices... thank you so much for your comment..

    its really sad to hear your husband doesnt want to be on your side and support you.. i think not many people does realize what depression is and how it can affect others lifes..obvs partnership is about understanding and supporting each other but its quite rare to see it in a realtionship's now :(

    if you will need some 1 to talk to am happy to do that :)

    maybe i dont know much about this illness but am good with listening so whenever you want am open up to it

    'we are all beautiful angels '

    a x

  • mymind.

    Thank you for your kind words. I ended up in some state yesterday as things got too much for me again. My husband was all nice and chatty in the morning then just shut down and was all secretive again in the evening and disappeared off out with no mention of where he was going or how long he'd be. My mind worked in over drive until he came home and I said some awful things cause I was so worked up.

    We used to be such a great team and always worked together to solve problems. I am heart broken with the way he speaks and treats me sometimes. I try my hardest to make in as comfortable as possible to my own determent at times, but he still thinks I am selfish and only thinking of myself. Sad sad days.

    I am now afraid to feel happy when we do things together as I am expecting that he will shut down again and just disappear out without saying where he is going. He knows I worry if he's out late at night and hasn't texted to say when he'll be home.

    He says he's read up about depression and stress, but that then leaves me confused about his actions surely in all that material he's supposed to have read there was something about the thought cycle that most people with depression goes through and how easy it is for us to spiral out of control.

    Anyway, I'm trying to get back on track again. I have never liked roller coaster and this is one heck of a ride I am on at the moment. I know the end of the track is there somewhere, but I just don't know how many ups and downs and twists are waiting for me. :-D

    Thank you again for your response.

  • 20voices

    ohhh honey...think positive... i always say ''there is always a bright side'''.. and i really do believe in that.. everything is happening with a reason,or to make us stronger our to open our eyes..

    man are generally difficult and they cant handle lots of difficult situations... your husband is probably afraid of opening up and discuss loudly the issues (like most of the guys tbh)

    i think you shouldnt be afraid when you have good time together ,and cherish this as much as you can.. life is too short to worry and over think.start enjoying every moment and when ur husband pay even a little attention to you take it as a blessing! marriage is about ups and downs ,there is no perfect marriage or couples..

    so take a little step and accept what he can offer you at a time

    also as a little tip for you... when you wake up in the morning,try to think about something beautiful..like life :) be thankful for what you have and what you achieved ,look in the mirror and see how beautiful you are!

    am here if you need me :)

    'every life is like a blessing'

    a x

  • so the sad times came... we ended up our relationship & going different ways :(

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