Hello all! I've suffered from depression for as long as I can remember. I've led a successful life and have been blessed w/ great family and friends. I've been a teacher since I was in college. I had a real bad spell in my late 20s which led me to the path of therapy and medication. I would "threaten" suicide but was too afraid to actually do it. I know, oxymoron here! I am a self hater and beater. (I'll slap myself or hit head against the wall, no cutting or anything. After the meds, I no longer felt as hopeless, but still have very low times. It's mostly when I make mistakes or feel like my character is being verbally attacked. I have let myself slip and blow my top at work three times in the last few months! I never can seem to forgive myself and am destroying my professional name. Today I really blew it and my students saw me. My boss came to see me and highly encouraged me to get help. I'm horribly embarrassed and ashamed of myself. When I fall like this I hate myself so much more. I am a very open person and do this so that people know who I am so that they can judge me up front and therefore, I justify what's being said behind my back. Isn't this terrible? I LOVE teaching and LOVE my students and my boss encouraged me that I'm very good at my job, BUT he said that I must get this "taken care of" so I don't lose what I've worked so hard at in my career. Do any of you know of a decent-paying career that I might be able to do? I'm not quitting, I'm just very scared right now! Any advice would be GREATLY appreciated!