End of my tether

Have taken a decision to walk away from my voluntary role as village hall treasurer. Have had to have my medication increased and I still can't cope with it. The person who did it before has been helping me and admitted this afternoon that she was worried about me, she thought it was too much stress. So I have decided to give up. Not looking forward to next week's meeting as it will leave them stuck but I just can't do it. My GP told me to give up but I tried to carry on, expect it will be the talk of the village but if they're talking about me then they're not talking about someone else. I know I will feel guilty but now I just feel a weight off my shoulders. Feel a real fool and a failure but I had been so down I was getting to the point of thinking about doing something stupid. Sorry to go on but it's been a very bad day. Regards Lorna.

10 Replies

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  • If you are having problems with Depressive illness and you do voluntary work, depending on what you do we all can feel that something like treasurer can be difficult and cannot do it justice. I am the same I do voluntary work and I have to be careful what I do. I was doing one posting and I could not do the work as it was against my principles. So they are trying to give a post that I will not feel uncomfortable, so you are not alone.

    Personally I feel if people talk about me and Mental Health problems it is their concern not mine. I am very open about it and I feel stronger for that.

    Voluntary work should not be a chore, as that happens I run a mile and I begin to look for a more interesting, suitable posting. I am going through that period now and one of the positions looks very promising and the other more like hard work,although I will give it more time too grow on me. So Lorna look for something that really rings your bell, Volunteering should be fun as we do not get paid, mind I get travel expenses lol.

    Good Luck on your search

    BOB

  • Voluntary work should make you feel good not stressed so you do right giving this up. Dont feel a failure. I used to do quite a few things at our local church like different committees and I gave it all up as it was too much. Nobody minded when I explained how it affected me.

    I volunteer at a local community centre at the moment which gives me a sense of purpose. Im not working at the moment. Im at the centre tomorrow so I hope I do sometning worthwhile. Last week I was painting which I dont enjoy!

    David

  • Not sure I'd enjoy painting either. Thanks for your kind reply. Hope you get a better job this week. Regards Lorna

  • You have to do what is best for you, and not what other people want from you. Is there a way that you could take part in some kind of 'hand over' to whoever will be taking your role? That might help to alleviate your guilt, knowing that the job is being done as well as you did it xx

  • Thanks for your kind reply. I don't know who will do the job, that's how I got stuck with it. But I'll bear it in mind. Regards Lorna.

  • Lorna, I feel that you have come to the right decision; certainly experiencing that amount of stress is counterproductive to your mental health and it important to realise that. There is nothing to be ashamed of and there is no need to feel a fool or a failure as you have done a strong thing firstly by persisting for as long as you have and secondly for recognising your own limits.

    You know what? At the end of the day they will be stuck for a bit yes but nothing is worth risking your health to that extent.

    I am in a similar sort of position with my voluntary work; I've mentioned it on here; I'm supporting a student and the teacher is rather a bullying type of personality ; although things have improved from how they were there is still the tendency there ; he just has that type of character. I don't want the girl to suffer and not learn and I feel she would leave if someone did not protect her; she told me this week how she freezes when she's with him and I also have a big fear reaction but I am not showing it; it takes me several hours to calm down when I get home.

    The decision I've come to is to see her through the next important stage and to inform my manager that I need to either limit how often I go or they need to find a replacement for me. I informed them originally of my difficulties with him and I think they have good idea but I've sort of sidelined it a bit now for official purposes as he hasn't done anything terrible since and it is partly I guess down to different personalites and how they get along but I am happy with myself that I have put this boundary in place as I know I just could not go on going every week as it has made me very ill.

    So well done you!! Try and think of something you enjoy and make sure you do it whatever it is! Do one activity purely for enjoyment.

    Maman I'm not feeling too grand this evening and this is not as articulate as i would like but you get the message. You have done the right thing. Definately. Well done you. XXXXX

  • Thanks for your kind reply. Hope your own situation improves too. Regards Lorna

  • Hey, Hey Lorna, I just 'read' the words 'Village hall Treasurer' and felt exhausted!

    It's not a sign of failure knowing when to stop, it's a sign of strength!

    You can't give to other people if you , yourself are exhausted. All that happens is mistakes get made and then you are in deeper trouble! And whose to say you wont return to the job when you feel better, 'if' you want to. Don't let anyone make you feel you have to do something, especially when its voluntary, it's your choice.

    I know you don't like letting people down but looking after yourself and your health is paramount it does get more important than that, well unless you have kids.

    Take it easy be kind to yourself, build up your strength and mental health and then reassess. You are doing the right thing....WELL DONE! XX

    I could do treasury for you Lorna but it would go something like this....one fairy cake for you, 3 for me :-)...and thats just fairy cakes!

    Sending I HUG hope it helps and pleased you aren't bottling this up.

    XX

  • HimLorna

    I was Treasurer of our local allotments for 7 years. The Committee resigned but I can't seem to get it through their heads that the financial year,ends on 31 March and we have grants to be,dealt with. I've had,abusive phone calls,from the retiring committee about lack of loyalty- the new lot are,constantly sending me emails about the accounts and can't get it through their heads that although I've given them monthly bank statements and a Cash book that's up-to-date, they can't be audited till the end of March. I was in hospital in October having witnessed an assault at the allotment where a new member punched a retiring member of the Committee and because it went to Dort, got threatening phone calls and now have clinical depression and Parkinson's. The mornings are the worst. By evening I start to feel normal again but when I go to bed at night, know the whole cycle of palpitations will start gain.

    I look normal, apart from walking with a stick, but people just don't understand. I'm not looking for sympathy, but when I overbalanced at Hogmannay and fell backwards staving two ribs, everyone was very so sum pathetic about that. Strange, isn it, because what's most difficult to cope with is the depression!

    Take care of yourself

    Best wishes

    Nessie

  • Thanks for your kind reply. I hope you get your situation resolved, at least I haven't had to cope with violence. But I know what you mean about not being able to see we are ill. Because some days I can function okay people don't see me as ill and can be dismissive about how I feel. Regards Lorna

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