doctor update: ive got a therapy/councilling appointment for the 6th february. im really scared and to be honest im feeling the lowest have in a real long time. i felt really quite suicidal for the past few days. i hate being under this black cloud, i just feel of no use to anyone when i try :/
also, ive had this friend since i was 10 that has been stealing from me, my family and my home. its taken me a year to confront her, but i did it tonight. it didnt go great and theres a big long story to it but i really want to still be her friend but she is denying everything and i just cant be friends with someone i dont trust. shes caused me lots of bother with my already broken family and other friends. I still am willing to let her be my friend and move on if she admits it, but she wont. i just hate all my situations right now and i cnat eal with this anymore.im sick of this shit, my head is just constantly filled with worries and bad thoughts and i try to cleanse it by seeing the world, trying to feel beautiful, being appy and having a posative, realistic view on life. but this feel always comes back. i just want to end it all right here right now because i simply cant deal with these situations, im a coward i know.