Can someone help me and my daughter

I am struggling majorly to be able to help my daughter, we initially attended docs as she was feeling really down and they diagniosed depression and gave her meds straight away ( explained that mey get worse before getting better) she took for approx 1 week and felt 100 times worse having suicidal thoughts and immediately stopped. She now refuses to go back to docs but has seen school counsellor a couple of times with devastating effects and now refuses to do this. She wont talk to me at all in all honestly I dont know how to deal with this, I have tried to persuade her to go docs and tried to talk to her but she feels i am part of problem I tried softly softly thinking this would help I ve tried treating the same as I do the other kids but she gets angry and destructive and still doc had no advice. I try to talk to her she says Im just having a go at her says that I am unsupportive and that she hates me!!! I have attended meets at shool with her i am in constant talks with them and they are now worried as she had meet with deputy head and broke down in tears saying she wants to kill herself . she is struggling with attendance and doing school work now and really doesnt care about anything or any one. My doctor wont/cant help as they say due to her age she must take herself in Im waiting for school to call back so I can get them to refer her to Camhs and they say i need a referal but im worried that unless she is prepared to make visits that I will get no where. There is so much more I can say re the situation but feel that this is enough to get started

5 Replies

  • Hi bogjak01 this is a terrible situation for you and your daughter and I really feel for you. I am at a loss what to suggest as you can't make her go to the doctor if she is no longer a child. All you can do is let her know you are there for her and will love and support her whatever.

    What she doesn't need is pressure from anyone as this can make depression sufferers feel worse. I know you are very worried about her and quite rightly but maybe take a bit of a back seat for the moment whilst keeping a close eye on her might work better.

    Oh by the way antidepressants often make the sufferer feel worse until they kick in properly after around 2/3 weeks. She should have been told this by the doctor. Meds might well be able to help her but maybe different ones? There are many on the market. Take care. x

  • It is so hard to take a back seat !!! on the one hand you worry like mad and feel useless to help and that no one around wants to help and then on the other hand you sometimes get angry and resentfull when you are constantly being told that you are hated and that I am the cause and then there are the days when she is having a "good day" and she wants to be around and talk to you and buys you presents and you have a laugh together and actually talk about nothing in particular.

    I am hoping that the School will be able to get her to agree to a referall to Camhs today - although they have stated its alot harder for them to do this and that it would have been better coming from the Doctor- but in all honestly the Doctor is really useless, unknowledgeable and unhelpful.

    Lets see what today brings - Maybe there will be a light at the end of the tunnel for her and she can go back to being the ambitious enthusastic girl she once was !!!!

  • Hello

    So sorry, depression in a younger teenager/ adult can be a very trying time for not only the parent, also the sufferer.

    Sad to say I do not know what has brought this on and this problem can be so destructive to their lives and this can lead to problems with those who do not know what to do. ??. The situation basically seems to revolve around Her studies or her personal situation or it could be that she feels that Her future educational pathway is the wrong one. Sometimes it can also be problems with the educational pathway she has latterly proposed to take. We do not know??

    Medications for depression needs time to work and possibly depending on the medical pathway could take up to three/four weeks to give relief, suicidal thoughts can be a contraindication, although again we have no way of knowing what the problem really is. Young people have a problem at the best of times as they are trying to work out their place in the family and society and they may become worried and concerned at what is going on in their lives. Many can feel lonely or worried regarding the dynamics of the course they are taking or sometimes they may not be managing their education and are frightened to be able to discuss their situation as peer pressure or family pressure on pass or fail could be another problem you are not picking up on The list of problems can go on and on

    One problem parents may suffer is the child feels the adult does not understand.

    There are several organisations who deal with situations regarding this problem and you will need to research your area.

    Sorry I feel I am not much help I know when I was younger I was the devil to understand, and now I am 65 so from being young and daft I am old and daft, although I can understand the turmoil you must be suffering


  • I can only imagine how difficult this is for you and your daughter! Having children of my own and having been a teenager and remembering how difficult it is. Essential oils can do amazing things for depression. A good website with a testimony of essential oils helping with depression is I could not having made it through depressing times without my faithful, Lord and Saviour Jesus Christ. I hope this helps. Praying for you.

  • I want to give you hope. My son went through a very difficult time after the age of 16, or at least that was when I realised he was going through a bad time as he tried to kill himself, unsuccessfully. He has since told me it had been going on for years before with alcohol and drugs to numb the pain. He has a job now and has returned to college and applied to university, I am so proud.

    He took two overdoses in his late teens, one of the antidepressants he was taking, which frankly made him worse. The doctors refused to give him more or change them as he had taken an overdose, he didn't want them anyway. It is very hard watching your child feeling so bad that they want to end their life. I decided that the best way to help my child was to help myself and I went for counselling to try to make sense of what was happening.

    My son was involved with CAHMS but disengaged. He was even taken into hospital and later refused contact with anyone medical for fear of being taken in again. Every suggestion I made he didn't want to try or thought it was stupid, which left me powerless to help him. I had to trust that he would sort things out for himself.

    In the end just being there ready to listen without advice helped him. Supporting him with what he wanted to do rather than imposing what I thought was best helped him to feel in control. He told me he hated me, he told me about all the things I did wrong in bringing him up and criticised all the decisions I made. So I accepted what he said as what he believed and corrected some of his misconceptions about the course of events. It was understandable that he was so scared and confused and I acknowledged his feelings. I remember frustration at not being able to get him help and sometimes the help from services he got was no help at all. I fought for my relationship with him and in the end for his own good I let him live with his grandparents. There were times when things seamed to improve and times when it just got worse. He is still very angry sometimes. I didn't always get it right but I have forgiven myself for being human and making mistakes.

    I understood that his brain was changing and he didn't always have control. I understood that his hormones were causing his emotions to erupt. I understood that he was trying to grow up and find out who he was. I understood that rejection from a girl was the end of the world. I understood that he was under pressure to be what he considered successful. I understood that the education system is focused on an all or nothing approach which writes people off or pigeon holes them if they don't achieve what they are supposed to achieve at an arbitrary age. Imagine being told that if you don't get exam results your life is over and you will never be successful, it isn't true but how are children supposed to know that. Children are under so much pressure.

    I tell him I'm proud of him, I tell him I love him and he's on the right track. If he falls again I will pick him up again. I can only hope he knows that.

    There is hope, but there is no magic bullet or magic cure and there were time when I wished there was to take away his pain and suffering. It just takes time, a lot of time and faith that they will find their way. I just needed to keep him alive long enough to find his own way. There is always hope. I have a bracelet which says "Choose hope and anything is possible". I like that.

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