Im 22, still very young! From an outsiders view, my life seems perfect. Lucky enough to come from a wealthy background, I'm healthy, and I have a full time job. My problem started when i was about 12/13. I spent my entire educational years in and out of counselling and seeing the doctor. In high school I used to have a 1 hour session 2 times a week, at this point I self harming through cutting and 'over the counter drug abuse', very few people are aware of my past. I was hugely into my sport and continued that through many future years, that's one thing that never suffered. I again received counselling and visits from the doctors whilst I was attending college. There was a point where it affected my eating and i lost 2 stone of weight in 4 weeks, it was painful and i just felt useless, i didn't even have the energy to change those habits, even chewing was an effort. Cutting a very long story short, high school and college passed and i felt normal again, for a good 18 months, I was playing a high standard of football and i was happy. Nearly 4 years ago I discovered my dad was cheating, I have endless amounts of evidence, I've taken pictures of everything i have found, its almost like ive been playing detective. Christmas 2012 i found presents for another woman, perfumes, lingerie (which wasnt my mother size), expensive fake tan and body butters, i didnt bring that up until earlier this year when i just absolutely flipped, all he was concerned about was whether or not i had told my brother. So, was that him confessing? I dont even know! Hes very nice to me but appears to hate my brother. Is it because he wants to keep me on his good side so i dont open my mouth? Oh, he doesnt work- he dishes out the money that my mother works so bloody hard for! what makes me angry is that i watch him spend it on this other woman, or is it more than one woman. MY mother is clueless, she worships him and it breaks my heart watch her being treated how she is! For the past 12 months i have felt empty, I have a fantastic girlfriend but she lives in america and is in he last year of university. My sport is non existent. I don't socialise with my groups of friends any more. I am near enough always tired, My body frame is the biggest it has ever been and I have always been a very petite athletic build. Ive cancelled my gym membership, which for though who know me will be seen as shear madness. I spend every evening isolating myself. I shut myself in my room and 90% of the time i find myself doing nothing other than staring at my four walls. I cant be around large amounts of people because i either want to break or i panic and i want to lash out. I cant trust anyone because I feel im surrounded by so many lies. Im struggling and i just dont know what to do. I want to be me again, I have lost myself for too long and i cant bare to waste any more of my life.
Please, Someone help me