need to talk

ive never done this kind of thing before so please bear with me. ive been with the same man for over 7 yrs we both have kids from our previous marriages. He tried for a little while to help my kids by being there for them but my kids were young and i guess they did not want to have a Dad in their life. He was very close to my youngest daughter but she did something that he will not forgive so they dont talk anymore. My daughter is moving out because she hates it there he is always in the room and dont talk im stuck in the middle of all this mess. I cry myself to sleep most of the time. I make sure no one will notice anything is wrong I lay down after everyone is asleep and the tears start falling. Every time something happens its my fault or my kids i dont understand. If i ask questions he says OMG just leave it alone thats were you mess up u dont leave it alone. I dont understand why he doesnt want to talk about anything. I feel so lonely IDK what to do or how to feel about anything

4 Replies

  • Is it possible for you to catch him in a moment where he seems receptive? Sometimes you need to pick your moment to have a serious conversation.

    Do you have friends you can confide in? That's the best way to dicuss these things.

    It must be very tough being stuck in the middle of this. Families can be difficult - blood runs thicker than water. But maybe one day they will talk again? Maybe one day there will be a party and they will just get talking or at a special event.

    How old is the daughter who is moving out? Sometimes people really do have to get away from the parental home. I have a much better relationship with my parents now. I Am happy to see them every few weeks and we are all still there for each other. I would go rushing to help them if they needed me whereas before I probably wouldn't have.

    Maybe try to be positive about her moving out. At the end of the day, it's only natural for them to want to live their own lives. My mum was in tears when I moved out! And my dad was trying hard to hold them back lol. But overall this could be a good thing for your daughter as she may be happier.

    I hope it works out. Crying is a natural way of releasing built up emotion. It may be worth speaking to your SO about how upset you really are xx

  • Hi I don't really understand this! You say your partner tried to help your kids by being there for them, but if you are together he takes on the kids as part of the package doesn't he? This surely is not negotiable? He can't suddenly opt out of this and I can't believe your kids didn't want him in their lives unless he doesn't want them in his. As for your daughter 'doing something' so he doesn't speak to her anymore - well how childish of him. He is supposed to be an adult surely or did you take on another child when you committed to him?

    He is blaming you because he can't cope with his responsibilities. You need to put your kids first and tell this man to shape up or ship out. If he doesnt want your kids he doesn't want you. They are your first priority not him! You deserve better than this. x

  • Human beings are sometimes so unpredictable and incomprehensible. That's why we have to really depend on a higher love that keep us from losing our minds trying to understand the perplexing actions of human beings. Its even tougher when its the people that are most closest to us.

    God sent Jesus Christ to show us how to depend on Gods unending love and concern for our lives and well being. Ask God today to make himself real to you and guide you with his love through these baffling times.

    He is just waiting on you to ask for his help from your heart. Lift your hands up and let him take hold of your burden....Its too much for your heart to carry. The kids need you immensely.

    Nothing is impossible with God. Matthew 19:26

  • Whoa hold on there for a second folks. As a man who suffers from deep clinical depression, I have to throw something in that may be worth looking at. Could he be suffering from clinical depression? A lot of people just start throwing things at a person who stays inactive (could be male or female) as in "Snap out of it" or "Pull your shtuff together" or some other derogatory term. Which could become really bad. When people have that attitude towards me... it makes the depression so much worse! It sometimes can border on throwing someone out of control.

    I cannot make this judgement as it is not me, but it almost sounds like the man is in silent misery if he won't talk. Depression is a monster! You just REALLY don't want to talk sometimes! Many times people don't even know! Look at Robin Williams! The man you are with may be different than the one you met and got together with some years ago.... please look in to this because trying to argue with a person in deep depression could drive them over the edge... the brain chemicals are not right and a person cannot think right. It takes everything they have just to get out of bed in the morning. I go through this every day as I lost a family member this year and more. But this isn't about me....

    I just hear warning bells screaming.... depression makes people do some unthinkable things. What you may not know is when the person comes out of it (if they do come out alive) is that they cannot believe they thought up those unthinkable things too! And if you knew, those thoughts will scare them as much as it may scare you. I know this as the person who scares me most is myself. Safety first, please. And I am saying a prayer for you and your family. I hope you all find a solution, and remember, keep talking on here!

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