depression is destroying my life

Hi

I'm a 38 years old woman and I think I suffered all my life from depression/anxiety. I'm married for 5 years with my best friend from 23. My biggest problem is that he don't or don't want to understand me. To be truthfully sometimes I can't understand myself... I had a father that left us (me, my little brother and my mum) when I was 9 years old. He always been very irresponsible regarding to money and sometimes he used to go to the cafes or restaurants and have something to eat or drink and just live without paying for it!!!! I always been aware of the situation and I always condemned him for that! But destiny's irony I became an addicted to shopping since I start to earn my own money. I almost destroyed my life and I was saved by my husband. He just had knowledge about it just a couple of months before we got married, I thought that I was going to be alone for the rest of my life but instead of that he fought for me and helped me the best way he could. Till today I don't have control about almost of the money I earn, it is for the best, I will be always an addicted.

Since I was 18 I take anxiety and depression tables almost everyday, I have better days sometimes but I always feel sad, guilty about my mistakes, crying , anxious, pains everywhere, mostly when I get up, I just can't cope with nothing, and I have very bad moon swings too. I don't know what to do anymore... I went to my GP and she referred me to the mental health clinic and in my first assessment with the mental nurse she looked in to my eyes and told me that I wasn't that bad, gave me an envelope full of leaflets, told me that getting a counsellor was going to take a wild and booked me for another appointment 4 weeks after... I didn't show up. My condition is interfering with my personal life and my job and it's getting worst... I just can't be happy and live my life in peace....

[Suzie40]

Hello and welcome to the forum. I'm sorry you're feeling so bad. There are two things that I picked up on in your post - you take andipressants almost every day, and you didn't show up to your appointment with the mental health nurse. Professionals can advise and support, but the hard work has to come from the person suffering. Even occasional missed doses of medication can result in down days. There's very little point in engaging with outside agencies if you aren't going to bother turning up to the appointments!

[Hidden in reply to Suzie40]

Hi Lucy34

I have a long history of psychiatrists and counsellors and I felt let down with that first appointment and I cancelled the next one.... My bad I know.... I have an appointment with my GP next Monday.

[Photogeek]

Hi Lady bug.

I think you really need to stick with the Counselling and Support. Living with DepressionCan be tough at times, but there is lots. We can do to help ourselves.

You must be willing to put the hard work into getting your life in balance. KeepUp with your appointments and stuff.

Count the good things In your life like having a supportive partner. That's a big plus.

Hannah x

[AnnieQ]

Seems as though you have got to a very low point and you are finding it hard to live your life. Today you need to think I have reached my lowest point and how can I find a way out? It isn't about getting rid of depression, but learning to manage it and bring it under control. At the moment depression is controlling you - if you only do one thing today spend 5 minutes thinking about the good in your life. If nothing else it will give you a respite from the negative feelings. Keep talking on here and getting it all out in the open. I agree with the other posts and you should go to your appointments and take your medication properly. Today is a fresh start - you won't feel better overnight but each day you will make progress - but as Hannah said it is hard work.

Annie x