When will I stop feeling this way?

My husband left about 1 year ago, and 4 weeks ago I moved back in with my parents (i'm 33) I have never ever in my life felt so low, lonely, worthless, a failure, unhappy, and a burden. I had a very bad relationship with my husband and he used to say some very cruel and hurtful things to me which led to a sever lack of confidence and near enough eating disorder. Eventually after a huge row he left and moved back to his hometown. I stayed in our rented apartment and felt relieved that he had gone, and my eating improved. About 4 weeks ago I felt my body gave in. I broke down uncontrollably crying, and tried to take my own life. Since then ive moved out of the apartment as it was making me physically sick the thought of going back there, and have moved in with my parents. I feel they have become very snappy and short with me which has led me to feel they resent me being here and im a huge burden to them. I feel ive let my parents down and my family are disappointed in me. I feel so so so lonely, and have now got to the stage where I hate going to bed at night, knowing ill have these awful thoughts then cant face waking up in the morning if this is my life. I do not think I can go on anymore if this is what my future is destined to be like. Ive tried the positivity thing and read every self help/CBT book going, and im afraid when I feel like this, telling myself positive things is not happening! Is this it forever?

7 Replies

oldestnewest
  • You will stop feeling this way Kate but give yourself time to adjust. Give yourself time to get your head together and understand you are just staying with your parents as a stop gap measure until you can find yourself somewhere else to live. It won't be forever you know. Lots of grown up kids move back home when a relationship breaks up then eventually move out again.

    I don't know if you are working or you have seen your doctor. Do you think you are depressed? What you have been through is enough to make anyone ill so please go easy on yourself. You are not a failure - you were just unlucky enough to marry a barsteward so well done for kicking him into touch. I am sure your parents understand this but it will take a bit of compromise for all of you as maybe it's not easy for them having a grown up daughter back again.

    Show them you are taking steps to get your life back on track again and tell them it is only temporary and I am sure the tension will ease a bit. Meanwhile be the best daughter you can be and that will be enough. .... Take care. x

  • Hi Kate,

    I am so sorry to hear you are in such a dark place and my heart goes out to you.

    When a relationship comes to an end, whether it was a good one or a destructive one, we still find we go through a grieving process and it sounds like you have been working through yours for some time now.

    Don’t be too quick to judge your parents apparent snappiness, it could be their way of trying to control their own fear over worrying about you? it really can come out all wrong sometimes.

    Depression and loneliness are such major obstacles in getting back to living the fulfilling life you both need and deserve and it sure sounds like you have been trying your best to beat this. Sometimes you need a little extra help from the medical profession, sometimes in the way of medication and sometimes just in the way of therapy? Talking to someone on a regular basis that is trained to help you face the future without fear and help give you back the strength you need to do this can be invaluable.

    Your ex has done a lot of damage unfortunately, but you are now in control and you know what he did was very wrong and your worth much more than he ever gave you credit for!

    For now your main concern is coping with the day at hand and calming your mind to be able to get a good nights rest. I would personally urge you to get help from a trained therapist as well to help build up your confidence to go back out into the world of socialising later on and combat the loneliness. Sadly it is not going to come to you, but first you need the strength and confidence to move forward and know that you can have a wonderful life going forward.

    You will find plenty of friendly voices here that will only be too glad to get to know you and help along that path xx

    Speak with your GP and find out what your options are for help, there are choices to make and different directions you can take on the road to recovery.

    Stay strong, you can get through this and meet someone who will treat you the way you deserve to be treated , then one day this aloneness can be history and you can live you life more like you would like to.

    Lots of Hugs to you,

    Moni xxxx

  • Thanks Moni, it helped to know that is how my parnets might be feeling. I feel awful as know that soooo many people out there go through so much worse than this, which is probably why I wont talk to anyone about it for fear they'll just think im being silly, selfish, dramatic or attention seeking. Truth is, I know I shouldn't be feeling this way, I just don't know if itll ever end. Im better in that im away from my husband but worse in that I feel ive lost my path, my future, hopes/dreams and now have nothing to look forward to or live for. Every day is a struggle and a battle. My GP allowed me a seven minute appointment before he was called away by his receptionist and ive not bothered going back as I felt so unimportant!!! My dentist prescribed me diazepam as I was grinding my teeth at night. It has elped venting, and listening to your kind and lovely words xxx

  • Hi Kate, it wont help much trying to tell yourself that many others go through much worse. what others suffer has nothing to do with your pain and you are as important a human being as every other one of us xx. you are neither selfish, dramatic or an attention seeker so please never lable yourself as such.

    It's sad that you were unlucky with your GP, is there another one at the surgery you could see? sounds like you have a more caring dentist (I am scarred silly of mine!)

    Don't loose hope of you dreams, there is no reason why new ones wont come along that will be so much better than the old ones. It's an amazing world when you look around, there is so much to see and experience, you are so young still and will meet so many new people once you are feeling better.

    No one can ever promise that there wont be a few hardships along the way though, I guess we have to just face those when they arrive, each will be a differnt challange, but we are are born with such strength that we don't always realise.

    Even though I am older, my dreams have been shattered a few times over the years, new ones took there place and some wonderful people came and went that I wouldn't change for the world. Sometimes something small can happen that I loose control of life and have to work hard to bring it back, but once I have I live it as best I can and find so much enjoyment out of even the simpliest of pleasures :-)

    I have been on this site for a few months now and found it has helped having people to talk to that understand depression in all it's different forms and they are so kind and commpassionate, it's a nice place to be.

    your life is beginning anew again, what you have been through has been very difficult, but you can go forward with new dreams that can bring you a wonderful life, just be open to them.

    lots of hugs, Moni xxxx

  • Thanks, it helped to know that is how my parnets might be feeling. I feel awful as know that soooo many people out there go through so much worse than this, which is probably why I wont talk to anyone about it for fear they'll just think im being silly, selfish, dramatic or attention seeking. Truth is, I know I shouldn't be feeling this way, I just don't know if itll ever end. Im better in that im away from my husband but worse in that I feel ive lost my path, my future, hopes/dreams and now have nothing to look forward to or live for. Every day is a struggle and a battle. My GP allowed me a seven minute appointment before he was called away by his receptionist and ive not bothered going back as I felt so unimportant!!! My dentist prescribed me diazepam as I was grinding my teeth at night. It has elped venting, and listening to your kind and lovely words xxx

  • Hi Kate sorry you are feeling so bad.

    You say your eating improved? Do you have an eating disorder, because that

    Can cause severe depression.

    Did you get medical help when you tried to take your life, I am just trying to make

    Sense of your Post. Living with parents at this age is I'm sure hard, but maybe

    It's what you feel you need.

    I think self help is not enough, you need to fet medical guidance and follow

    It through. Nothing works unless you work at it.

    Keep posting and let us know how you get on.

    Hannah

  • No, I got no help, I tried to believe im strong and can pull myself out of this, but clearly I cant. It was also brushed under the carpet by the 2 people that knew about it. I feel like if my family don't talk to me about my situation its a way of them thinking its not happening. I cannot put into words and find it so hard to describe how low, utterly worthless I feel, and a burden, than ive tended to internalise things. I suppose because my parents have helped me out financially and with the move I feel I don't want to talk to them and bring them down even further. When my mum sees me sitting and staring at nothing, feeling completely lost, she snaps at me. I just feel completely and utterly lost. I took antidepressants about 2 yrs ago after my husband cheated, and made my feeling even worse! If that's possible! xxx

You may also like...