Rock and a hard place

I'm trying my best to recover from depression but getting nowhere. Last time I posted here was over a year ago. In short I lost a relationship over a termination. Subsequently that person moved on and found someone else. The girlfriend that I had before her told me that she had two abortions and a miscarriage while she was with me. One year ago it all emerged that it all never happened. Some story she told me was it was all some PTSD from her childhood which I don't buy at all. The next one that I know did happen wouldn't have because I had already left her before she cooked the first thing up, as far as I'm concerned out of desperation to keep me. All this impacted on what happened with my next partner, and although job and money worries were rightly part of my worries, I feel with the truth I would have taken proper charge and there wouldn't have been an accident I could ill afford.

I'm so down, angry and bitter, and this is all now 2 1/2 years ago. Have been to respite centres, day hospitals after I took overdose in January. Wanted to see my counsellor from a few years back to tell her all the lies I was told but she isn't bothering to set up an appt.

feel like the only way to get over this is to find someone else cos counselling and pills not working. But at 40 with no job no money and no assets how am I ever going to find anyone?

8 Replies

oldestnewest
  • Hello

    You have been through the mill and all I can suggest is if you want to find someone with interests that match your own sometimes night classes or some associations may be there to help.

    You are sad to say very low I do not know if you have interests or if there is a walk in centre too visit.

    When I was really bad I was referred to a Mental Health Day Centre and that seemed to help me put things in perspective. Have words with your GP Surgery they may recommend something for you

    BOB

  • Hello

    You have been through the mill and all I can suggest is if you want to find someone with interests that match your own sometimes night classes or some associations may be there to help.

    You are sad to say very low I do not know if you have interests or if there is a walk in centre too visit.

    When I was really bad I was referred to a Mental Health Day Centre and that seemed to help me put things in perspective. Have words with your GP Surgery they may recommend something for you

    BOB

  • Thanks Bob, I will look into things going on in my area. Spending so much time on my own isn't helping

  • It's not your girlfriend or your counsellor's job to make you happy - it's yours! Come on now Warren, take a hold of this situation and be proactive. Try and get out to places where you can meet new people. I doubt there's much love to be found in the day hospital. Dating doesn't need to be expensive - a nice walk, macaroni cheese and the X-Factor - I'd date you!

  • Funnily enough I did find someone in the day hospital but that petered out. I will try and think of it that way, I just feel I have not much to offer but I know I'm decent enough and I treat the right person very well. Thanks Lucy.

  • Hi.

    To give you a bit of hope - my boyfriend is your age and we got together not too long ago. I am much younger than he is. What attracted me was his mind, how gentle he is, his maturity and logical thinking, his experience, I know he can look after me because he is older. It just seems to make a huge change from all the losers I dated my own age.

    He didn't have any money and still doesn't which is a huge worry for me as I am a saver and always have been. Our money issues give me anxiety but all I can do is hope that we will end up saving a decent amount for a stable future.

    Keep looking for a job - so many people are struggling with that at the moment (myself and boyfriend included as we only have temporary contracts and mine is about to finish!). But because I am a saver I have enough money to see me through. Money is very important and is required for a stable future, but that didn't stop me from moving in with him because I believed we would build that future together.

    A person can't make you happy. It has taken me a long time to learn that. You can be happy with someone during the honeymoon period but that soon passes. Most of my relationships haven't survived past that point. I think people just struggle to live and co-exist with others. People seem to disagree a lot and compromise always seems to be so damn hard.

    What I'm sayign is, don't expect someone to make you happy. Because that won't happen. You need to be happy with life. Of course there will be times when life sucks, but overall it is precious in the long-term.

    I can understand you're lonely. But you can also be lonely in a relationship. Maybe you should try filling your life with things you like doing? You don't need to spend money to enjoy life. That's the thing I've never understood about some peopl. Try to find joy in the simple things x

  • Thanks a lot for that. I am going to try my best to think of it that way. I've never been money-orientated but I just know it causes issues in relationships and I've seen that happen not just to me but a few I know. I'm trying to think about the future, I've been burnt badly but I can't change that. I know the more I think about the past the more ill I'm getting. I will try to find something in the evenings that I can enjoy

  • I've been hurt far too often as well. The more I think about it the more it affects my current relationship. But oh well, we all have baggage. It's just whether or not our other half can put up with it or not.

    Yeah, you need to have something to look forward to,otherwise life has no point and that truly is a depressing thought.