Haven't written on her now for quite some time. Felt a little like a stranger amongst friends I think. Just really need to talk as I'm really struggling with things right now. I should be happy as I've not long since returned from having a pretty good holiday in which me n my partner hardly argued for once! I'm unable to work at and haven't for some time due to severe back trouble,. All my colleagues were in contact in the beginning but now they don't bother with me. If I ever do return, I honestly don't know how I will feel being amongst them. I send texts etc., but I don't get much in a response, so I've started to give up. I have managed to make a couple of friends from my daughter's school, but I can't talk to them about my life n feelings. I'm struggling to get out of bed not only physically but mentally. Everything is so much effort. I feel lost and very alone. When my partner and daughter get in, I still find doing anything such an effort. My days are wasted in bed, not only because I am unable to get out easily physically hut also because I can't muster up the energy to be bothered either. I'm on so many different types of drugs that they don't help matters. I just really need to get myself out of this feeling sorry for myself pattern but I'm finding it so darn hard. Even when my partner asks me to make a phone call to someone, even if its just to make an enquiry about something, it's an effort. Why can't I feel happy about anything? I just want to close my door an hide away from the world.
Sorry for my rant, I just needed to talk.