help

im a 21 yr male just finished 3 yrs in college my life at this time is so bad its annoying its just frustrating more then anything. i can't get a job i've looked every where can't get one i still live with my parents i've nothing to do everything i do in my life seems to be to please other people college i only did as my mum mainly wanted me to it i did it to get off my back about doing something. i fell depressed about my life everything i do my mum and dad always want me to more they never seem pleased. i mean i dont want to end my life at all i want to live on make it through this but i just want to fast foward my life for about 5/6 years to where its more established or where i have something meaningful to do. i also feel my parents always put the pressure on me out of 5 kids yes im the oldest but my brother through not fault of his own never seems to get the same pressure as me for having no job or anything like that and he's 19 he recently just failed his first yr in college i did the same i failed but i went back and repeated but the diffrence between me and my brother failing was i was sat down by both my parents for a whole day talking/giving out about my failure of college and told if i don't go back i will be kicked out of the house im the one thats always being said to when are you moving out i just need a break from the constant pressure of it. i cant talk to my mum she wont listen she thinks im over Exaggerating everything my dad just says everything is up to you but he does because he is always talking about me behind my back with my mum. i just need to get away from my life just for a break.

4 Replies

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  • Sounds like your brother is the favorite, its hard living with your parents I kept leaving then went home a few times.

    I had bad anxiety was told I could live at home if I got a job it was very difficult

    My father was very strict didnt understand nerves it made me very ill

    Could you not get a flat? get a doctors note for the social to say things at home are making you very ill with depression and anxiety and his view is that you need to get a place of your own

  • I think you need to live for the moment , and not worry about what may happen in the future, it is hard to find work when you have never been in the system ,but there is work out there ,and as long as you ma and pa know you are trying that should help !.

    If you can afford it maybe a short holiday some where out of the way would help you focus?.

    Its always hard to explain the way anxiety and depression ,can take over you life isnt it ?.

  • Hi there,

    It sounds like your parents are being very hard on you. As the older sibling, I felt the same way when I was your age. I am now 24 and don't really blame my parents for going easier on my brother. It is all to do with different personalities. Threatening to throw me out if I had a bad attitude with my parents worked for me, I would adjust myself after that out of fear they may actually do it. But my brother was depressed and therefore threatening him didn't make any difference, he didn't care.

    I think our parents know how to handle us better than we ever think. So do you think maybe that's what's happening with you?

    I can understand the pressure you are feeling, it can't be easy. Before I moved out a few months ago I felt like I was suffocating and fell out with my family on a daily basis. Now I still feel the relief of having my independence. There are drawbacks to independence as well just like everything else but now I feel like I can breath.

    I studied biology at uni (completed a BSc Hons). And I will never work in biology. There are no jobs, it's such a competitive market. I originally wanted to be a teacher but that didn't work out (turns out I wasn't any good at it!). But having the degree still speaks a lot for me.

    It has taken me a while to work out jobs etc for my life. Was working in retail and now in an office, which is only a bit above the minimum wage so i have two jobs so I can save money! It is depressing at times I know, but soooo many young people are in this situation. It is a catch-22.

    But try to keep your head and stay positive. The law of averages says you WILL find a job eventually. Can't say how long that will take but if you spend lots of time applying you will find something.

    Upwards & Onwards xx

  • Hi Dayvi,

    Sadly you are not alone in some of your troubles at the moment, it is a sad fact of life that society has let your generation down, everyone is encouraged to study when there is not the support structure of getting any career at the end of it.

    My daughter took two years to get her first job that is her first job that is closely connect to something she wants to do, and even now she has to continue part time doing a masters to keep moving in the right direction or she knows she will get stuck in the wrong job forever.

    The trouble is with working you also will never know what you really want to do until your are working at something and then came build on it form there. For a lot of young people, not matter what they have already achieved in college or uni, they are finding they can’t get any work at all and have to look for placements where they don’t get any pay! If this is a possibility you could look into it, decide what your think you might like and approach as many places as you can and offer to work for nothing just to get some work experience.

    Parents are a funny beed of people you will find! They teat their children as if they think they know them best, so will tend to be slightly different with each child. Sadly they cannot understand when it back fires on them sometimes and doesn’t have the desired effect of actually helping you!!

    You have so much pressure on you being the eldest, born in a time of economic mayhem! and no crystal ball to know where you will be five years down the road.

    Like Pete says, your can only live in the moment, cope with what is within your grasp to cope with and not to expect too much. Keeping as busy as you can working towards your goals, but making sure each and every day a large portion of it is doing things you enjoy as well. Get out of the house as much as you can, maybe think about any voluntary organizations that are around, examining what kind of things appeal to you and what doesn’t?

    Talk to your GP about depression if you think this might be holding your back form anything as well, there are a number of directions they can recommend.

    This is a very difficult time, but you will get past it eventually and be able to look back knowing you worked hard but achieved lots.

    Take care, xxxx

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