it is late where I live and I am not sure if this is the right place to post this. I lost my mom two years ago and I feel like I've steadily worsened. During the day, I manage. I do things with my family. I watch tv. but some days I just feel like I'm looking at the world through a filter. Some things had happened during her decline to make that filter apply but it wasn't as bad. But now it's near everyday. I can't do things i enjoy without feeling very off. And every night, without fail, I miss hsr so bad, I break down. I would do anything for her back even for a moment. What do you guys do to distract yourselves?

9 Replies

  • A big hi Roderik, and this is a great place for you to be where everyone will welcome you with open arms :-)

    I am sorry about your mum, grieving takes a very long time to get over, and you can never stop missing someone no matter how much time passes. Did you get any kind of grieving counseling when she died? It’s never too late to try some as trained councilors can offer so much help, all you need do is speak with your doctor to put you in the right direction.

    Once you have slipped down into depression it can be so difficult to know where to begin trying to get back again, that’s why talking things through with people that understand and are trained in this area can help so much.

    On here we can exchange experience of what we have found helpful or discovered that could be useful, a lot of these things work some days but are just not enough on others, So one of the things we all have to keep telling ourselves is not to have huge expectations, but work on the small things we can slowing bring under control and then we can continue to work towards a much happier lifestyle, but always be readily prepared for the next time something happens to give us a knock back.

    Laughter can be a great tonic! And when you are just a tiny bit better and able to smile you will find chats here that stop you thinking all together and take your mind to crazy places, it may only be for short periods, but every little helps.

    Some people need some medication to give them the helping hand to start moving forward, medication cannot change your life, but can be of great help to just give you the edge to see it from a very different perspective. Have you spoken with your doctor yet, they will also do some blood test to make sure your other hormone and other levels are where they should be?

    Our body’s are such complex things with so much going on we really do have to have a certain amount of faith in trained medical practitioners to see if something is not quite right.

    Things may look very bleak at the moment, but you do have an inner survival strength as it’s build into all of us, it’s just depression will trick you into believing you are someone you are not, with no idea how to take back control.

    Seek help from every direction you can, and stay with us here, it’s a good place to be yourself, even if all you want to do is rant and say life stinks! Sometimes it does and sometimes you can manage to take a step above it all and start to live again.

    Lots of hugs,

    Moni xxxx

  • Hi Roderik nice to meet you and welcome to the site. Do you think you are suffering from depression? Have you sought help for it? I lost my mother last year and understand how you are feeling. Or maybe you are stuck in the grief process - that does happen. Have you had bereavement counselling? Do you think that would be a good idea?

    You will always miss your dear mum but she is up on her cloud happy and peaceful now. I believe you will meet your mum again one day. Stay strong x

  • Hi

    Sorry you lost your Mum thats aweful. Thing is grief can make you do funny things, feel different about yourself but believe it or not its transitory, true some changes are forever but some are good changes. But thats not how you feel now so my advice if you feel really bad:

    1) SLOW DOWN, move slowly, think in terms of minute to minute...Im okay now, Im okay now, then move on half hour to half hour, notice you have the important things, water, heat, lighting, food, clothing, that you are in no danger this minute now.

    2) LET YOURSELF OFF, today isnt a day for achieving stuff, do what you have to do and then rest, take the day off, youre, youre own boss, this is your life take time off. If you try to change things now you wont get very far, but when you feel better you will make up for lost tme, so invest in rest.

    3) Distractions, great! Im all for distracting the mind when its in a distructive loop. Listen to Radio 4 extra plays, look under drama, read a light novel, listen to music, watch a film, watch Jimmy fallon lipsync on Youtube, maybe even try to medidate. Be your own best friend and resolve to give up. You can afford a day or two out of your life to rest, recharge your battery. If you had a best friend in the same place what would you say to them.

    4) Recognise that although your mum is physically gone she's always with you in your heart, your memories and if like me you believe, in the spirit world she is still with you. And THIS IS THE BIG BONUS, wherever she is she feels no pain, no guilt, she doesn't suffer from cold, or heat, or unhappiness. In fact shes up there having a right ole party and wishing she could tell you that.

    5) THIS IS ALL TEMPORARY, it will pass you're smart enough to know that and as you practice looking at the stars and the sun you will get better at it. Your bad times will lessen or you will find it easier to cope. The thing is its like goldfish, they grow to fit the size of the bowl. When you reach the point you're doing better you will forget how truly bad it was before and the new bad is the worst, but by being mindful you will gradually remember and know your moving forward.

    The Irish have a saying, may the road rise to meet you.

    Roderik, you can do this, your smart, resourceful and life is for you, Mum gave you life to enjoy it, think of her and smile and try to be your own bestfriend.

    Hold on are you a chap? Sounds like a chaps name to me, well thats far easier, just go and buy yourself the latest Gadget! :-) Sometimes the answer is so glaringly obvious Im amazed at myself! I could never be Poirot or Inspect Morse, Clueso maybe :-)

    BIG HUGS, you CAN do this XX

  • Hi there. So very sorry for your loss. Grief is such a painful part of life, and losing a parent is one of the hardest things Ive been through. I lost my dad when I was 17, and felt so many deep emotions yet was numb and felt alone and desperate all at the same time. I contacted CRUSE, who arranged counselling for me, and more than once I went back to this. My life jumped around a lot, but what really helped was time passing, and keeping in my mind 'what would my Dad have wanted for me' It was like I had a hand behind me pushing me on, even when I was at rock bottom, I still wanted things to be better. Im not going to lie to you, I struggled immensely, but it will get easier to cope with, that I do know. Surround yourself with support, talk about how you feel, cry when you need to, and take each day, sometimes each minute, as it comes. Time passing and feeling emotional was part of getting through my grief. Your GP can help too, if you feel you just arent able to cope, dont be frightened to ask for support. Here if you ever need a chat. X

  • Hi Roderick

    My sympathies about your Mum. Your grieving, that's why you feel

    Thus way.

    Now you don't say your age or are you a student or do you live alone?

    If grief goes on too long , I think you should talk to someone.

    My own Mother died 9 yrs ago and it was natural as she was 87. I would

    Be concerned if I was still feeling bad two years later.

    Without knowing details it's hard to say. Did your Mum die early or suddenly?

    Welcome here to this Forum, if you stick around , which some people do, and some

    Do not, you will get support.


  • Thank you everyone. Just knowing there are people who would read this and reply and try to help helps me. Photogeek, it was sudden. Or maybe tragic. it was cancer and with the chemo she couldn't keep going on. Organs started to fail and we had to put her on a lot of pain medication. The last words she ever said was that the medicine tasted awful, and even then, she was basically entirely out of it. It wasn't pretty. But you guys are right about something. She is without pain now. And in my belief, she's in heaven. There is no way she's not. I just get hit sometimes by the weight of her not being here because she was a huge influence on my life. I really appreciate the help you guys have offered

  • Hi Roderick

    I'm so sorry . Your Mum may be gone physically but her spirit and

    Influence and love will never be gone.

    It's a testament to the person she was that you miss her so.


  • can someone provide a linkto the chat? won't use it tonight but maybe tomorrow i will

  • Hi Roderik and welcome to the site

    I don't know anything about the chat but thought I would just add my support. It is difficult to come to terms with losing people we love. You don't say how old you are but it sounds as though you were still living with or near you mum, you don't say whether you have any other family but if you were living with your mum then her loss will have been even more significant.

    Grief is hard and there is no way of easing the pain, we have to go through it in order to come out the other side and begin to miss the person and all we remember of them without becoming depressed. I wonder whether you have had an opportunity to share your feelings with anyone, also whether you have really cried about your loss, often males do not but we all need to really feel loss. If you have cried and felt your pain but still become depressed then it may be that you are stuck in grief in which case it may be helpful to see a counsellor who can help you to move on and begin to see your life as something to enjoy despite your mum not being alive.


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