Over the last few weeks i have been busy with several jobs at once and to be honest I was beginning to flag. and with some of my problems I was beginning to feel that a hole in the garden may be a good idea.
My condition is basically a one of dread and I sometimes wonder where I could find a way out. I ended up on You Tube looking at Victorian Death Photographs , god only knows why. Eventually I sat down and tried to understand why I was doing something that in most occasions would be rather weird.
Eventually I came to a conclusion that I was trying to harden myself to a natural state of affairs and it was me wondering what if.???. I suppose you will most probably think I am at that time being a very strange person, possibly I am. All I saw was a vacant husk surrounded by flowers, nothing there, nothing to see and all that is shown is no where else to go, gone ??.
We all need to understand that, even when we are a strong , religious person.
Ok I feel I was dwelling on something that could happen to me or someone who cares for me, I ask myself what if no-one was there to look after me and my closest person was dead in a photograph, like what I had just seem. I came to the conclusion that the disruption that would be caused to my wife would prove to be very disruptive and would set her back so badly if anything happened. Although also what if she was to die where would that leave me ??
I suppose now, I understand life is for living and to experience life. The dead have finished lives Course and I have still a great deal to learn.