I trusted someone with something so precious and they have betrayed me in the worst way possible. I can't help it, I hope they suffer, I hope they don't experience a single night of peace or peace of mind.

I don't feel I warranted their betrayal and actually deserved the reverse. I rarely think this way and Im aware of human frailty, but this person has treated me as if I have no feelings and that my emotions are of no consequence. I shan't let them drive me down, or they will have won. They withdrew their right to my understanding and generosity, when they chose to treat me and my wishes as if they were of no consequence at all.

Thank you for letting me air my grievances but also I wanted to say to those like me, DON'T ever let ANYONE make you feel less than you are. Don't let them try and degrade your life, your values, stand up and say I have a RIGHT to be me and I am magnificent! People will push you around if you let them, they will try and take hold of your life and control it when they perceive they have lost control in their own lives. I am utterly disgusted!

The days ahead will be hard I know that and maybe I will concede to depression, but Im not going down without a fight and I will get back up again! I came into this world alone and I will leave alone and that will be my strength not someone else's non sensical idea that I'm available to be changed or controlled. I can't even begin to share my deep, deep disappointment, feel somethings are a basic human right.

Thank for letting me vent.

52 Replies

  • I can empathise with your feelings of betrayal, but please be aware of Karma. What goes round, comes round. Somewhere down the line, that person will have the exact same thing happen to them. Don't drop to their level in wishing them to suffer, Karma will do that for you. Keep talking the problem out, it's better than getting tied up emotionally. The people on here do listen, and others more experienced, will be along to offer better guidance x

  • I don't think I have a religion, but if I was ever to get anywhere near, it would be based on the principals of Karma. Some years ago I went through a period of being in a lot of financial difficulty. On one occasion I didn't have enough money to feed the children. A lady I talked to online (I've never met her) sent me a £20 note. It was an act of kindness I have never forgotten. Today I saw on Facebook that her daughter is really upset because they can't find an item she really wants to go back to school with next week. I remembered seeing the item in ASDA, so I went out and bought it. I am going to post it to her tomorrow and I hope her daughter is really happy. What goes around definitely comes around.

  • What a lovely story and how kind of you, but you could just have easily passed by and not bought the item from Asda, I think that says more about you than Karma :-) Its heart warming, I love kindness and I try and practice it myself whenever I can. Thank you so much for sharing that Lucy, thats really kind X

  • lucy you write such moving messages! you truly are a shooting star in a place we find lots of stars :-)

  • Hi Pixie

    What a lovely reply, I don't believe in Karma, It's a lovely idea and of course I respect your right to believe, I'm not saying Im right, I just cant get onboard. It would be great if what goes around comes around as a matter of justice, of course. I'm a Libran we looove believing in Justice and its hard to take on the chin unjust things that happen in life be that International or local events.

    I wish him the unwell, he has wished me by his actions, I think we are accountable for our actions and that if you chose to deliberately betray someone to ease your own life problems then you send energy out that will bite you. I may wish him ill but Im not going to do anything, it gives me comfort to feel I could (when in truth I can't).

    I'm only responsible for me, for my actions, I can't make anyone do anything. Equally no one can make me do something without my co-operation in some form ( that's a stinker, it's so much nicer to blame someone else, than take responsibility yourself ) but somewhere within, that a person deserves to be treated with kindness, consideration. He chose to treat me another way and I feel that choice should hold the heavy consequences of his original actions, that said it may not , but I enjoy the thought it does, its all I have.

    I am appauled that I should attract such a person into my life and I want to believe otherwise, that's what Im holding out for, for the Universe to show me, my faith in it. If you believe in Karma then it should also be that for every good deed, a good deed of equal measure is returned, so lets see. I did the good turns and what came back was uncalled for, so now lets see if as we sew so shall we reap.

    What I see is abhorant to me and I hope I have been mistaken, deeply mistaken in my conclusion of the events and ultimate judgement of his character. I have faith guided or misguided in human beings.

  • It's not nice to wish suffering on someone Caroline. You obviously don't want to disclose the details of what has happened, but perhaps if you were to talk to this person about their actions have made you feel, you might be able to reach a resolution? Life is too short to be angry x

  • He wished it on me ...Im going to sound 1st Grader now... he started And no I didn't do anything to warrant it, he just chose to. There are numerous incidences of people doing the most awful things and when they asked why, they answer 'because I could'.

    I was just venting, it helps rather that than depression, I can't do anything anyway other than take solace in my thoughts. I cant share the details Im sorry, for me I want to think better of the person involved believe me I do. Wishing them ill wouldnt be my first choice normally but when someone deliberately wounds you, its hard to be charitable first off :-)

    Thanks Lucy X

  • Hi Caroline

    You sound very angry and I'm sure you have your reasons but wishing someone something bad won't make things better surlely?

    Forgiving is another thing but I hope you don't really want them to suffer


  • Come in anytime Caroline if you need to vent. It is good for you. It does sound awful what this person has done to you but I do believe in karma also. I have seen it working on many occasions. You are right to feel deeply upset and angry at this person for doing this to you. But when you have calmed down a bit it is better for you not to hate anyone regardless of what they have done. By hating and wishing someone ill-will you can let hate and bitterness take over your life and it doesn't do you any favours as a person. I speak from experience here. I once hated someone and didn't realise when until I stopped hating what a burdon it was for my soul and I felt a million times lighter. Since then although I have had people do me great harm I have never hated and never will again. Dislike and abhorr but never hate. x

  • Thanks Cough, I havent said I hate him, I might want him drop down a well right now but everyone seems to be missing the point, it really doesnt matter what I wish him, nothing is going to happen.

    As I explained Id love to go along with Karma, I mean what a great idea, divine retribution or even divine rewards, but I believe in energy in the expression, interaction, interchange of energy which is again why I am so disappointed by recent events.

    As to forgiveness I long since I forgave my abusers the most hanous crimes when the rest of my family cannot. I have no trouble with forgiveness, but not now when emotions are raw. Right now he doesnt deserve forgiveness or understanding, in time Im sure he will and in more time this may well mean nothing to me. But wish him well right now, no my friend not right now.

    I appreciate your kindness, my anger will keep me focussed and hopefully lead to a much better solution and ultimately calm. Ultimately I need to take onboard this is about my energy exchange and how I have to clean up my vibration and what I transmit, so this never happens again. Ultimately as with everything in my life it is my responsibility.

  • Sorry Caroline I shouldn't have used the word 'hate'. Hey we all trust the wrong people in life sometimes because we are human. I don't think it's the vibes we give out it's just the way things and some people are unfortunately. But if that person does that to others then he will have a very sad and lonely life.

    I have been wrong about people before and it really winds me up to think that my b...s.... meter is not working properly. It makes me feel vulnerable if I can't trust my instincts. But I would rather carry on trusting and be hurt sometimes than end up not trusting. I think so anyway.

    So please don't let it stop you trusting in the future Caroline. We can still be nice people even if those around us aren't. Take care xx

  • You are right of course and I like you am more disappointed in myself that I didn't spot the BS signs. I like having faith in people and it pains me to see someone choose to be the lowest common denominator of themselves. However Im not about changing people, we are who we are and its important we don't lose sight of that. No one should have to change unless they feel it is right for them.

    Its funny cough, writing this I realise how lucky I am to be able to express myself, I dont live in a war zone or a regime where I have no civil liberties Im a very lucky gal. Sorry I wasnt having ago mentioning hate, actually for me the fact that he has let us both down far excedes's not strong enough it turns I am disgusted!

    Not Angry now but tired and determined. You've all helped, thank you XX

  • Hi

    Im not explaining my self as per, I do wish him the pain he has liberally inflicted on me with this betrayal and by my being angry I have a passion that keeps depression away, equally stopping me my turning in on myself with some form of depression .

    I shant remain in anger but Id far rather be angry be able to say " I hope you have a crappy time because you were prepared to be crappy". I am worthy of my emotions and being angry, often I feel people fall into depression because they deny their anger, their feelings of revenge or resentment. I don't see anything wrong in that, sorry if that seems extreme, but I dont stay in anger and it gives me some sense of power and self, allows me to say this isnt good enough for me!

    Just because I wish him ill doesnt mean anything is going to happen to him Silke, Im not the all seeing eye, but by my denying or trying to cover up my true feelings of disgust and resentment I could do myself damage. We all have these feelings to some degree or another as falible human beings, Im sorry but denial just leads to suppression and suppression often to illness. Being PC isnt always the best thing to do, I know it isnt popular to wish someone ill or perhaps speak the unfetted truth. But Im not the bad guy here, he didnt need to do this dreadful thing, no one made him, he chose to and I'm choosing to say that he deserves what he gets, I don't believe in Karma if I did my threat of harm might carry some weight, but it doesnt.

    I shant do anything to harm him but come on Silke Im not a Saint I never said I was but I do take responsibility for my actions numerous times. If my wishing him ill because he has behaved in a most callous unnecessary manner makes me a bad person well I may have to wear that.

    My apologies if I have offended you, I am just trying to explain. Im not for bottling things up and not upsetting those who wilfully and needlessly choose to upset me. I stood up to my abusers and I stand up now. I am not a shamed nor sorry for how I feel, by tomorrow I hope and expect to be stronger, but I will take anger over depression any day of the week, with depression comes inertia and often self doubt and maybe denial. Id rather try and move from anger, to resentment to some form of calm, maybe I cant bypass depression but I'll give it my best shot and do you really think he cares what I wish him?!

  • I hav ebeen down the same road - it's hard dealing with betrayal. It seems to be the kind people in life who get taken for granted.

    I am proud of you for dealing with it so well. Just cut that person out of your life and let better people in - he/she doesn't deserve you! xx

  • Thats very kind I really appreciate your support. XX

  • Caroline, I have literally just read this post and I have to go out now but will be back later on this afternoon.I care about you greatly and how you are feeling.

    I can see from the brief read that you feel angry betrayed let down taken advantage of frightened and all sorts of a mixture of emotions. You are important to me. I am here for you and I will reply to you later sweet Caroline. XXX I think I have some idea of what has happened too and we will be here for you XXX

  • Thank you so much thats really kind and I do need a friend right now, so its very kind of you to offer. Right now I have a headache so taking a break and some pills, if I feel better I will go out for a time but contact you later :-) Im still here and so long as Im here I still have the ability to make positive changes in my life, no one can rob me of that XXX

  • Hello I was used which may sound harsh to some but don't trust anyone apart from yourself people use each other you sound hurt and bitter which is normal the person who did this is not worth it . Speaking from a man who lost his home, wife, everything

    It's hard I know but don't let it overtake your life if you need to talk to someone ask for help don't bottle it up inside

    Take care

  • That's very kind thank you. fishnchips14 Id like to share something with you, we havent spoken but in one of my posts I explained I can only see the potential in people, their greatness, what wonderful opportunities life will share with them. That you are as bright and strong as the sun inside. Now I don't feel / see this about myself often.

    When you say you lost everything your home your wife everything at first I feel sorrow, Id like to give you a hug. Then what I see is potential the chance for a new life, a clean slate, when your ready it maybe that these major events are the making of you and that you ultimately achieve a life of true happiness and fulfilment. I'll hold the light for you Fishnchips and I will be here to say I told you so when your life really blossoms. You must be a very brave, resourceful man it takes courage to weather the storm and then to offer help to another.

    In someways I am fatalistic I take solace, if you can believe this, in the fact that I came into the world alone and I leave alone, no one has true domain over me other than myself.

    What I find most heartening about this forum is people are willing to share their stories and experiences with me. I am essentially a stranger to you all and for you to trust me with your experiences and feelings and thoughts is very heart warming. I feel a little less alone in my fight to stand my ground and have the right to be myself warts and all.

  • Caroline,

    I've been there and sometimes am still there. I get it. The anger can overwhelm you when someone betrays or tears apart your trust. I have wished ill and all sorts on this person but I know that I would never really want this to happen and it is just the anger talking. I Just want the person to suffer in the same way they have made me suffer. Nothing more and nothing less. It won't happen and I have to try and let it go. I'm a Libran as well so believe in justice and fairness and honesty. That is what makes it so hard, that I would not knowingly unfairly treat someone and so am shocked and dismayed when it happens to me. I'm not an easy target either.

    Anyhow I try and treat people with kindness and deal with the feelings of anger as they are not good to carry around. But you don't need me to tell you that. I'm working on acceptance rather than forgiveness ( or at least on forgiveness of myself)

    Take care of yourself and don't let it consume you.

    Sarah xxx

  • Sarah spot on we could be the same Libran. Do you remember Kenny Everett, he used to say 'put them in a field and bomb the bastards!'

    I hope you dont feel you have to forgive yourself too much, I'll push something out there and say you werent ever guilty in the first place! We react because of who we are, we try and keep our intentions pure and sometimes we f*ck up. I can't forgive this person right now because he has shown a shallowness of character I wouldnt wish to see in anyone ever.

    Maybe your right maybe I need to forgive myself for attracting him into my life in the first place.


  • don't think about it anymore because it will take over your mind and soul, the same thing happen to me and I was so depressed and the other person was just living her life. Say to your self she or he is not worth my friendship and you are a better person. I beleive not to wish anything on anyone even if they hurt me, I just say God if someone wishes bad or good give them the same. God is good he will help you. Stay who you are and not what people try to make you.

  • exactly right Honey, thank you XX

  • So sorry to read you're going through such an awful time. I believe that when we do something awful to a fellow human being they will suffer for it eventually. But that's just my belief. I have suffered greatly at the hands of people I loved with all my heart. To say they treated me awfully is an understatement. The horrible things I could see me doing to them was a shock to my system. Revenge is sweet maybe but it backfires nine times out of ten. Not saying you're out for blood but I felt I easily could be(and I thought I was such a sweet person to lol). I know all of us on this site are feeling for you,you're such a kind and thoughtful soul. Please don't let this change you but I know you're much stronger than that. Sending you hugs lovely Caroline, Sam xxxxxxxxx

  • Awe Sam what a lovely reply, really Im so grateful, all this support is really helping. You know what they say is true the best revenge is success. Soon I shant care what hes, said, done or even if he's still It wont mean anything to me. I have myself and no one can take that from me and more over I like myself, I may not be perfect but Im proud of my efforts, I treat people the way I would like to be treated with kindness and respect. Thank you for saying those kind things its always nice to hear. I will doubtless have my good and bad days, days when I want to burn his house down, but ultimately I know whats right and wrong and even right and wrong for me :-)

    Thanks again Sam xxxxxx

  • caroline for someone to do something bad to you just means that they are a bad person and not worth venting anything of value over so be happy and forget them completely lots of love and wish you all the best

  • If its your BF he's a see you next Thursday

  • Bingo!

    Actually thats funnier than you think. Years ago I dated a guy for 5 minutes, real out doorsey type and he had a minor accident climbing and broke his leg. I went to collect him after a hospital visit and I asked how it went, he said "....ok... the nurse said 'see you next Tuesday' :-)" He had no idea what it meant, how fab to be able to actually say that to a patient who was being a pain in the arse and he was just the type to upset a nurse... ha ha.

    Cheers you made me smile x

  • Hope others don't ask me too explain lol

    your welcome funny tale

  • Our

  • lol phone a friend

  • Ha ha ha I play darts on a Tuesday and Thursday and we always say to each other 'See you next Tuesday (or Thursday)' then we all laugh. Simple things simple minds :) xx

  • Darts Darts! Is there no end to your talents Cough! I hope you wipe the floor with the opponents! :-)

    Yes exactly small things.

    I watched a documentary about a woman who kidnap a Mormon in the 1960s, even now it makes me laugh (Im sure its not supposed to be funny). But come on a 6ft4 Mormon, kidnapped by a 5ft4 blond ...worlds gone mad! :-)

    What next ovens that can cook food in 5 minutes sometimes less!


  • Hi Caroline, yuk, life sucks sometimes, thankfully there is more love than hate around, it’s always the betrayal that always leaves such deep scars and we end up punishing ourselves re-living the pain sometimes.

    I had just read Paul Gilberts chapter on letter writing and wrote a very long letter to someone who has constantly betrayed me, it is not one that I would ever want to send as it would do no good anyway, but the act of writing down just why it hurt so much did help me, and I feel much better for it. He says it doesn’t always help, but might be worth a try writing down what exactly what you would like to say face to face and get it more in the open.

    Funny mentioning Kenny Everate, I was thinking of some of his sketches yesterday and what a sad loss to the world now that he’s gone :-(

    Lots of hugs to you xxxx

  • Monib Im going to do something EVEN WORSE...yes you heard it here, Im going to.....

    Drum roll please....send him LOVE! YES, loving thoughts, that should mess him up! Of course all this will be done remotely Im not ACTUALLY going to talk to him!

    My sister lives in the North and one time she was angry with me ....and ooooh did we argue, raised voices the lot! Then one day i was in London and I thought, yeah Im going to get her good and proper, so I sent her a box of her favourite fudge from Fortnum's and Masons.

    Yeah well seee told you she had to forgive me (I hadn't actually done anything wrong) but I showed her! Ha Ha.

    I home? Oh come on Monib what self respecting home is going to take me Im on the funny farms waiting list :-) BIG KISS X


  • I wish I could attach a picture here, I have just put a new one on my desk top, so I will just have to write it for you instead :-)

    It was a sad and disappointing day

    when I discovered that my

    Universal Remote Control

    did not, in fact,

    control my Universe!

    (not even remotely!!)

    Just keep sending that love out there, Karma says it should come back ten fold!!!! (i'm still waiting, but I have a lot of patience) :-)

    big hugs xxxx

  • Thats soo kind, actually my freeview box died and Im still trying to figure out what that

    Universal remote control, thats excellent. In my lighter moments I like to think the big man upstairs (God) is just amusing himself with us as puppets! When you see some of the ridiculously silly, funny stuff that goes on in life, even in your own life he's got to have a sense of humour, that wasskily waskle, maybe he broke the remote! No more telly for him!


  • Today with everyones help Im getting stronger. The Letter idea is a good one maybe I will save it for another day when I really need it. I have to say I did have the pleasure of saying to his face a lot of what I wanted to say. :-)

    Also to my great pride I did not resort to violence (which was I was taught as a child) nor did it even cross my mind.

    Kenny Everett sooo funny! You're right he was a real loss. Monib as ever you have great taste!


  • Today with everyones help Im getting stronger. The Letter idea is a good one maybe I will save it for another day when I really need it. I have to say I did have the pleasure of saying to his face a lot of what I wanted to say. :-)

    Also to my great pride I did not resort to violence (which was I was taught as a child) nor did it even cross my mind.

    Kenny Everett sooo funny! You're right he was a real loss. Monib as ever you have great taste!


  • Caroline I am back now and have read through much of the thread. I am totally with you that it is healthy to feel anger towards someone who has treated you in this way and shown this character though as you know actually doing anything to get revenge is not a good thing and I don't feel that you would do that. You just want to allow yourself the anger rather than turning it in on yourself.

    To say that I have suffered the same would be so true. My own belief about this now is that when we undervalue ourselves (even subconsciously) we do not seek out the people we are truly worthy of .I am sure you are by no means "without issues"(but if you're anything like me they only hurt you and not others) but I can see you are a good and genuine soul with depth and integrity as am I . I have met and got involved with some people who are just plain selfish and others who have been troubled,which is more complicated. The fact that you have issues yourself should be no excuse to be treated in this way I have learned and all the more reason firstly to treat yourself compassionately and secondly to expect equality of treatment with others.

    I know you haven't said exactly what happened but firstly I do trust you and your experience of things and secondly reading through the lines over the weeks you have been posting I have a fair idea and I would say firstly that I believe your assessment of this person's character is correct;

    It is no reflection on you except to say that you maybe still lack confidence and self belief at some level even though on the surface you profess that for yourself it is hard thing to actually grasp and hold when we have been denied it when younger.

    Therapy is by no means the answer to everything and will not be what is on your mind right now as "rightful anger" is top of the agenda right now, but if you not already in therapy maybe you could consider this as a way of looking further into how to develop your own self belief. There are other ways besides therapy though and actually recognising things as they truly are and saying what you have already said to him is definate progress in my opinion.

    Now Caroline don't go going back on these thoughts and turning them on yourself or trying to rationalise or make excuses for him by the way as you have done nothing wrong . You are possibly vulnerable and a little needy like me but what I am saying to myself right now is that I am not too needy for the right person and I need to value my positive attributes. Not quite ready to face a relationship yet myself but working on myself and this view of myself.

    I don't know you deeply so sorry if any of this is a bit off skew; most of it applies to me so it is therapeutic for me to write to you as well. I would suggest that you re-read out loud the very first bit of this post and all of your other replies you have made, then say "Too right Caroline; you have got it spot on; this is exactly how it is and so I am very clever for recognising this and there is absolutely nothing wrong with my mind or my perception of things".

    I'm here to PM if you want or can reply on here (or not at all of course) Can't guarantee that I'll be on here exactly when you are as I don't know when you will be on but if you do want to write I will definately reply again Caroline and it shouldn't be much of a gap as i will check from time to time over the course of this afternoon/evening/tomorrow etc.

    Gemmalouise Xx

  • Gemma Louise you're and Angel thank you. Because of my dyslexia I read this upside down, kind of back to front. You wrote:

    My own belief about this now is that when we undervalue ourselves (even subconsciously) we do not seek out the people we are truly worthy of

    I read :-) and this is how I would like to take it and this way it has a bigger impact on me and I would still like to credit you with the expression:

    My own belief about this now is that when we 'value' ourselves (even subconsciously) we do seek out the people who are truly worthy of us

    I love that! Pure genius Gemma as always :-)

    You're so right I should merely attract those worthy of me.

    About the therapy..well on Thursday I am going to a meeting at the NHS to discuss my wrongful treatment and lack of any counselling despite being told otherwise, with the head of the department. I was sent for assessment 4 times! To thee most awful registrar ( I didn't know at the time he was the registrar) who made my life a living hell. A more truly awful man you couldn't wish to meet. Finally at my last meeting I broken down in tears, after he looked down his nose at me for the fourth time his answer was to go back my GP. I have had to suffer at hands of an NHS clinic for literally months, so wish me luck with the meeting.

    I would love counselling and if I could have the access I was supposed have had to help in my darkest moments with the worst aspect of the abuse I suffered, I do feel I could have avoided the mess I am in now.

    I wasn't lucky enough to have Photogeeks experience:

    "I went into therapy and began to see why I was putting up with third rate treatment

    From men I dated. I learned why I was blind to he normal signs that is person

    Was not reliable, honest, trustworthy. I learned to discern between normal

    And not normal. I stopped being a victim and I now know that I would never

    Put up with a moments bad treatment from any partner. That's.very liberating,"

    Initially I went for that and other help but not only did I not get that but the registrar literally harangued me. I have decided not to just forget it, which I think he was counting on and made a formal complaint.

    One thing I would say Gemma and I haven't read enough to decide, I am not sure that 'I' believe in narcissists (that doesnt me your not right or anyone else to believe that), I suppose part of me doesn't want to believe they exist at all. That said with the little I do know, Im sorry to report my BF may well be one, so even with help I may not have been able to spot the signs.

    Today I went for a walk, had lovely time, then met up with a friend which didnt go so well (shes reallly hardwork) and finally Im home.

    I know I must remain mindful.

    Thank you again


  • Aw Caroline I like the way you turned my phrasing around too! That sounds a much more positive way of putting it!

    It sounds like you managed your day quite well which is good news as I see it as regards your robustness. Going for a walk excellent idea and meeting with a friend :) even though it didn't go too well and she was hard work you managed to get yourself out which is good news i think.

    Yes counselling/therapy can be a very hit and miss affair. I can well believe your bad experiences; I have had a few myself and although I always bang on about this it does always seem to me that the more distressed and less articulate I have been the worse has been my treatment. It is only since I started to feel some self worth that others responded accordingly and I still feel that all of this is "dyslexic" or the wrong way round .ie it should be " the greater the depth of people's despair ( or confusion) the better the treatment offered and more effort made to help that person. (or something like that) Oh honestly Caroline there is a whole catalogue of events with organisations with individuals with relationships that I could recount wherein the greater my need the worse the treatment and the more confused and self critical I became ; it is all wrong. Even now I find some people can be amazingly narrow and selfish in the extent to which they will not reach out to others (not talking about people on here as they are the opposite) . For many of these people we are talking about quite simple things they could do just to extend themselves a little to others but I often find that they won't unless there is something in it for them or it is their very close family. That really depresses me :)

    Anyway this reply isn't supposed to be about me; so back to you ;

    I hope you manage to get some rest this evening and stay mindful of everything. I will wish you luck for Thursday. I can offer you my own words of wisdom on how to treat the meeting; be as unemotional as possible and talk ABOUT how you feel about your lack of treatment (and be as factual and rational and business sounding as possible. Compose your argument and what you want to achieve before you go and refer back to it ) rather than SHOWING how you feel. Of course we shouldn't have to be like this but in my experience the mental health services do not like any show of emotion as it seems to frighten them!

    Also if there is any chance of you obtaining advocacy if you are not happy with their responses then look into this.

    Sleep well. XX You've had a long and traumatic day. X

  • Wow Gemma what great advice, your so right about the meeting, I'll read that again later when I get all my paperwork together thank you. I kind of feel Im going through this process so they wont treat anyone else so carelessly so keeping it business like is perfect, really cant thank you enough!

    Thank you also for your thought out replies and as ever sharing, your right when you need the help and show the fragility they push you to show they seem unable to cope....Ridiculous.

    Its gong to be weird tomorrow because Im in one of my I create my own reality moods and that doesn't entirely fit with

    Regardless your reply as ever helps, is supportive, intelligent and kind thank you so much. I have sent a couple of private messages, hope they make sense


  • I think that you are right about the other person you know him he sounds like a very selfish person and does not deserve to have a single person or friend to speak to or even listen to and be stuck in a empty room wih speakers resounding sounds of war blasting in his earholes just to drive him crazy

  • lol...are you trying to out funny me Bomber56!

    He's not bad, in fact he's a good guy really. When I went on my rant I was hurt and angry but as always with me I dont stay cross for too long, other things distract me :-)

    Im trying to learn a new software programme.

    Also for tonight Im Allll about the LOVE Bomber56, Ive gone all flower power, now Im not saying this will last but....Im sending out lllurve to everyone and everything ...even my faulty fridge which Id like to kick and the freeview box which isnt working....paint them pink and shower them with love.

    Thank you Bomber56 you're tops for being on my side! :-)

    Now who knows is the Moon really made of cheese. Look I never said I was sane :-) I mean it doesnt say 'Action on Depression' for purely sane people now does it :-)

    So tell me Bomber in a fight between Hitler and Margaret Thatcher who would have won, Handbags at dawn!

    We did have a 'in a fight between Virgina Woolf and your Mum who would win' post, but its seemed 100% other peoples mums would win with varying tactics. Seems all together wrong to spell Woolf without an 'e'!?

    Okay Im off to bed before I send you all deranged by internet contact...ha ha

    Sleep well.


  • This is hilarious Caroline! Glad you're feeling more perky.

    Best of luck for today :) X

  • Hi Caroline

    I'm really sorry you are so hurt. Now I cannot agree with you wishing bad things

    On anyone.

    I know what hurt is like as I have had my fair share but I never wished I'll to anyone

    So I really can see you are hurt and wounded.

    Now my reply might not be like everyone's as I suppose I'm me, but I give it to help

    You not to hurt you,

    Now your post is hard to understand as it's so vague without knowing what crime this person did. , there are hurts an disappointments

    In everyone's life sometimes. To me it's a question of degree.

    I sense your Post and hurt is about your Partner, if it is , this is what I think. We are

    Adults and we choose who we date, who we live with or who we trust with our

    Feelings. So if this person let's us down then, I see it as my own fault for being

    Such a bad judge of men or women. We enter freely into a relationship and

    If we are too needy or emotionally messed up or whatever, then that is our

    Responsibility, if we fail to spot the Neon signs that signal, that this person we are

    Dating is not good relationship material, if we don't notice their little selfishnesses

    That come from them... Then that is our responsibility and really our own


    Caroline I have learned that if we put up with stuff like this at the beginning,

    Then it does not bode well for the relationship. If we refuse to see the other

    Person as they really are, then it's our own fault, if we accept selfishness

    Or even infidelity from them, then no one but us is responsible. You can

    Use this bad patch to look at yourself honestly and see why you didn't see all

    This sooner. This could be for many reasons, but I think the only way that

    You will grow and change and avoid this sort of thing, is to have a really

    Good look to see how you could have done it differently.

    Caroline I am saying all this because I was hurt years ago, and when I look

    Back on it now , it was all my own fault. I was dating a selfish person, we were students

    We were doing Masters and he didn't have the money to do his Masters and I

    Lent him the money. Needless to say the relationship finished and he ran

    Off with my money . Of course I was hurt and betrayed but I never wished

    Him bad or stuff.

    I went into therapy and began to see why I was putting up with third rate treatment

    From men I dated. I learned why I was blind to he normal signs that is person

    Was not reliable, honest, trustworthy. I learned to discern between normal

    And not normal. I stopped being a victim and I now know that I would never

    Put up with a moments bad treatment from any partner. That's.very liberating,

    Caroline I hope you don't mind me saying " oh you poor thing" etc. I feel

    If I am honest with you, you will change how you feel and you will learn

    The biggest life lesson. Which is. How to love yourself.

    Caroline if none of this is helpful just ignore it, be as kind and gentle

    With yourself as you can.

    I am a big pacifist and could never condone anyone wishing bad things on

    Another, as that will make you worse not better. So try and get rid of all

    The revenge or hate feelings you have.


    Hannah xx

  • Hi Hannah thanks for your well thought out reply, if you get a chance to read my replies you will see I have already taken on my responsibility and why I feel anger and my expression of anger, revulsion are justified, so I wont repeat myself. What you have said is of course quite right and than you for taking the time :-) XX

  • Hi Caroline

    I hope you begin to feel less hurt.

    Hannah x

  • " They withdrew their right to my understanding and generosity, when they chose to treat me and my wishes as if they were of no consequence at all."

    Your own words. Too right Caroline. You are strong and you are right about this . Gemma X

  • Todays UPDATE:

    To my shame I forget whom is doing the walking and joined the walking group, forgive me its my dyslexia (yes I can say that :-). Whom ever it was THANK YOU. I read your post and I walked a long way yesterday and I will go out this afternoon maybe round the park or something.

    I have indulged in my emotions and continue to but Im moving into more positive emotions, thanks to all of you. SO A BIG THANK YOU for being so understanding, Im determined to learn from my experience and grow. This weekend coming will be the biggest hurdle and even this week I maybe up and down but right now Im in a strong place and looking to the future. I want every much to take on Abraham Hickes teaching that I need to enjoy life right now, right this minute not wait for a future nirvana so Im trying to get on board!.

    I hope you all feel some measure of peace and of course happiness today XX

  • Hi Caroline, you are sounding different :-)

    It's Sue that does all the walking, she fires me up into wanting to join a group as well, but no just yet for me :-(

    we will all be with you this weekend, so lots of Hugs xxx

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