Struggling at the moment! :(

On Thursday it will be two years since I lost my mum. Without fail on the lead up to the anniversary my mood goes down. Is this normal? I have been feeling really good lately but now my fiance is on my case saying that I should be fighting through it. Easy for him to say though. I know there is nothing I can do to bring her back and I have had my assessment appointment with cruse bereavement counselling and waiting on my initial appointment. How do i get through it in the meantime? I feel that my fiance isn't supportive at all as he told me to dry my eyes and that this shouldn't be happening every year. Surely grief is an individual experience x

Last edited by

17 Replies

  • Hi,grief is a very personal thing, there is no time limit to it!

    Birthdays and anniversaries are so difficult to cope with.

    I lost my husband almost 6 years ago and in a few weeks it's his anniversary and I know it will be a difficult time for me.

    Everyone works through it in their own way and in their own timescale.From what you've said about fiancé he still has his mum,if that's so he cannot possibly understand your feelings,which are perfectly normal.

    Hope your counselling helps.

    Love Lowtongirl xxx

  • Your right about your feelings coming up to the anniversary of your mums death I feel the same way around the time my mum dead. ,it's like an event clock in our heads, and strange the way the mind works .

    Nobody knows how you feel in your own mind , your mum will always be in there, and I do feel my mum is looking out for me.

  • On the day robin Williams took his own life was the eve of my brother's birthday he also took his life that hit me really hard i feel empty every year I don't know If I will ever get over it

  • I'm so so sorry about your brother. That is a very hard thing to

    Come to terms with. Have you had any Counselling or support?

    Its good to talk about your pain over the death of your brother. It

    Helped me a lot to talk about my late partners death. Grief gets

    A tiny bit easier with time..

    Look after yourself and don't be afraid to cry if you want to.

    Kind and healing hugs to you Fish n Chips.


  • Yes I've had counselling twice when my father passed away it effected my marriage my wife kicked my out because of my mood swings had no support from her at all I do cry a lot I do talk about it more but it's always with me every single day

  • How on earth would something so huge come and go without you being affected? I can't even begin to imagine how hard this must be for you. I don't really have anything helpful to say, as I've never experienced grief, but I'm thinking of you lots x

  • Seems normal to me. Of course grief is a very personal, individual experience but I would certainly get upset on anniversaries and special days.

    Thinking of you

    Sarah x

  • Hello Les

    Life and loss are very hard on us especially when we lose a close family member. Feelings can move from anger to sadness and sometimes we can have feeling of conscience if we feel we failed to say something or do something while they were alive.

    Generally you will need to think what would your Mother feel if she was looking down upon you, been so sad and upset. She would possibly feel that you need to move on and your thoughts should be towards those who love and need you in the land of the living. Your Mother will always be with you depending on your faith. I always feel the veil of death is so fine and they can see and help you proceed through your life choices. Try not to waist this life of learning. If we did not love those who pass we would be that poorer in our lives.

    Move on now life is for living


  • Hi there sorry your upset. Grief does not have any time limit or end date on it.

    My partner died five years ago , and of course I feel the loss, the date reminds me

    Of that day, but my mood doesn't go down. The loss and sadness is with me all

    Year round.

    It's your Mum and two years is still not a long time. I think I said it to you

    Before and I don't mean to be hurtful to you, but your problem may not be the

    Grief that you are experiencing but your Fiancés harsh attitude. I would be upset

    If my Fiancé told me to dry my eyes etc. etc. Surely he could be a bit kinder

    To you? Maybe you need to think about what you need from your Partner.

    Les I hope you work it out, Grief is painful and how can he say how you

    Should react? No two people react the same to a death. Ask him to read up

    About Grief, then he might be able to help you, rather than make you




  • Hi I think it is perfectly normal Les. I lost my mum last year and the anniversaries this year were awful and my mood plummeted. Am hoping the 2nd year ones will not be so traumatic but they might well be. So tell your bf he is an insensitive git and to keep his trap shut if he can't say anything helpful! x

  • Cough your making me roar laughing with " keep his trap shut" etc . It's very

    True when your going through Grief you are as fragile as an eggshell .

    Cough I hope you will be ok when your Mums anniversary comes around ,

    We will be here to hold your hand.


  • Thank you my friend. The first anniversaries were in June this year. 4th June 90th birthday, 19th June death and 28th June the funeral. Have decided I hate June... I really hope it fades a bit over the coming years. xx

  • Cough the Pain is sort of still there but the way we deal with it changes. We cope let's say,

    That awful raw pain lessens. I notice it now 5 yrs later. First two years were awful.

    Hannah xx

  • That's good to know Hannah. I don't want to go through this every year for the rest of my life! Thanks xx

  • Aw, thank you so much for the lovely posts. I asked him for an apology for the 'dry your eyes' comment and he said no so I won't speak to him about it. And if I can't speak to him about it who can i speak to. He went thru the whole time at the hospital when my mum was dying which riles me even more because he saw the anguish and grief tearing thru my whole family. If it's meant to be a harsh attitude it's done the complete opposite of helping me. Now we r arguing about money and the kids and it never ending. But obviously it all gets put down to me feeling down about my mum and having a hard time with my daughter or feeling down in general. Funny how it's always me and never Mr perfect. Gets on my goal so it does. His mum was in til 12.15am this morning. Him and his mum getting tore into me about my daughter, money and our home situation. As always she sides with her son. I made a comment about his son so that i could give a similar situation to mine with my daughter and that was me speaking about his son/her grandson but they found it perfectly fine to ransack my daughter. Double standards per usual. Since my son was born they have blatantly excluded my daughter who has a different dad. I was told by his mum that the problem with me and my daughter is me and how i deal with her. If you were to see what their family is like you would laugh at the hypocrisy! X

  • Once again thank you for all your considerate replies x

  • I'm exactly the same and it's been 12 years since my mum died. I noticed that on the anniversary in absolutely fine because I've prepped myself and psyched myself up for the upcoming event. Then I feel so proud of myself that I've made it through with minimal tears. However, give it a few days and my mood is low and I'm crying at everything. It has got better over the years but it still happens.

    Grieving is a coping mechanism, it's only been two years. For others that send like ages, but when it's your loved one that's died, 2 years could just as easily be 2 weeks. Time seems to stand still at anniversary time and it seems like only yesterday it all happened. Let yourself grieve, don't listen to anyone who tells you you should be over it, that's not how it works. I didn't have anyone to talk to either (my fiance was rubbish), so I bought myself a puppy. She's called Comfort (for obvious reasons lol) and she's the best thing ever. I can cry on her, talk to her or just cuddle her and she never judges :) Have a think about what you need and you'll find the perfect coping mechanism for you (not necessarily a puppy ;))

    So sorry for your loss. Xx

You may also like...