Feeling really uptight.lately my mum was taken into hospital recently !everytime she goes in i feel panic that something is going to happen to her as she hasnt got the best health at the best of times ! It makes me really worried as i always wanted her around am i being selfish dont know how to deal with this and it makes me ill ! Anyone know any coping strategys ? Thanks in advance

21 Replies

  • Okay Back up young man, this isn't doing you any good. Your Mum is in the best place right now, getting the care that she needs (there isn't anywhere else). You need to be strong for her and yourself.

    So can we agree that Mum will be in hospital for a period of time, be that hours or days and you have a choice how you spend that time, the time will pass regardless of what you do.

    So how about trying to think positively about the outcome, you have nothing to lose. Imagine the perfect nurse giving her care, the best doctor in the world tending to her needs. I truly believe people can feel your intensions if you wish her the best she will get the best.

    I know I go on about Radio 4 but I listen alot and it can be really informative, that said Im dyslexic so I forget stuff, details, but bear with me here. There was a programme about people walking miles with intention be that to tell their loved one they wanted to propose or in one story a man talked about walking miles to get to his dying mother and her literally holding on to life until he got there (she should have died much earlier), It's some buddist idea.

    Now Im not suggesting you go on a long walk to show your intention (well you can if you like) but your energy and how you feel is really important not just for you but for mum. You have this time now to really try and get into a good feeling place and that will communicate to your mum.

    So you say to me but Im on my knees, well look after yourself first, ease out of this gently, make a cuppa, listen to some music, minute by minute try to worry less, ease out of this , you have sometime I'm sure before visiting hour. Rest, breathe deeply , relax, imagine a white light around you and then around Mum. She's still here and I'll bet she's a tough ole bird, the very best you can do is visualise her getting the best help and your easing your anxiety will help you cope and send out the right energy.

    One last thing, now is not the time to deal with your worry about Mum dying, so let go of that thought, however when things calm down, I would suggest you go and talk to someone about how you feel. We all have to pass this life and you will be ok when that happens, but it is not happening this red hot minute, so breathe deeply and deal with today a moment at a time.

    You need to be your own bestfriend right now, you are doing your best and she knows you love her, Love is very powerful. Being harsh on yourself is not what is needed right can do that later when she's out of hospital if you must, but not right now.

    The good thing about men is you can be very practical, so do what you do best, focus, remain rational, breathe easy and move slowly today there is no rush, you have plenty of time.

    The others here will give you the fluffy stuff, I hope my little bit of tough love helps you. You will be okay, you can do this. Look after yourself first and you will be in a better position to cope and to help Mum.

    Im very sorry you're experiencing this and I know its tough, but you are tough, smart and resourceful, you can do this.


  • Thank you caroline what you said makes sense ! I know i need to get it together but im finding it hard as im having my own health problems which i was dealing with but this has hit me for 6 i alway seen my mum as a strong person but this has taken a lot it out of her ! Thank you again david

  • Hi

    Im not telling you what to do, I don't want to add to your guilt! Just suggesting, try and focus elsewhere. You are a good person David.

    Rest, take it easy, garden, listen to a play, have a bath, right now you can't do anything.

    She's in the right place, please try David to feel a little less stressed, its important, stuff your face, listen to Hancock...distract...distract...distract thats my advice...let David off! He's a good and kind man! You can deal with the rest later, don't be so hard on yourself.

    As you say you've had a nasty shock. Now go and buy a gadget :-) Amazes me Men's capacity for nerding and buying gadgets, admit it David love gadgets!

    Okay well I hope you feel some relief soon, keep talking, expressing yourself here, the people are so kind, will show you real love and kindness. And my advice avoid the Archers.


  • Thanks for your kind reply i do love my gadgets but cant always be bothered with them ! I find watching mrs browns boys or some other comedies ! Ive also been blessed with a lovely wife of 27 years who is my.rock ! So heres to a good future thanks BIG HUGS BACK david x

  • Thats the Spirit that's the David I want to see. GO to the SHED NOW and Bang about a bit BLOW SOMETHING UP and then your lovely wife of 27 years can clear up the debris you a naughty boy and all is right with the world :-) Lucky you. Well done David for making the first moves to turn this around I am proud of you.


  • Hey she would call me worse than that if i made a noise or wrecked the shed lol ! David

  • Look David, Im pulling the double spy method on you.... :-) Getting you in deep trouble to create a distraction...completely free of charge. Now if you burn down the shed by accident what happens then.... ha ha... just kidding.

    You made me laugh you wasskel!


  • Hello David

    I really understand how that feels. My feelings towards my mum pretty much consume me all the time. She is very poorly at the moment and it's the hardest thing in the world seeing her suffer.

    I often try to seperate my feelings. The natural feelings that anyone has seeing a loved one suffer against feelings that I'm a selfish, horrible person wanting her around to fulfil my own needs.

    What I find really hard is learning to stand on my own two feet. Needing a recipe and instinctively picking up the phone to ask Mum for it, or not remembering how to change a plug and a twang of sadness rippling through me because she used to do it for me.

    Counselling has helped me a lot. It's helped me to feel less dependent on her and accept that I can't change or influence the outcome of her illness. I also find writing helps and talking on here to other people who I know understand.

    Hope you're ok today

    Lucy x

  • Thank for replying lucy im really drained at the moment i dont cope well with stress ! Just hope things get bettter soon ! David x

  • Hi David, I sometimes worry that I have tried to be too strong for my children to protect them from the world outside, even once they were grown and should have been a little more independent.

    A few years back I came home to find my youngest in a very distraught state crying her eyes out and it was because once of the friends had just lost her second parent, and she was just so distraught at the thought of loosing me! She needed help that I couldn’t give her, she now has a very good therapist that after a course of sessions she now can just dip in and out of when she needs them, I helps her take control of her own life instead of worrying so much about the ‘what if’s’.

    You will be helping your mum so much if you look more to helping yourself and independence , it makes us mums so happy to see our children’s inner strength shine through.

    Hugs, Moni xxxx

  • Hi moni thanks for you kind reply ive always been close to my mum so the thought of not having her around scares me i know that sometime in the future it will happen but i hope things get better for now at least ! I think i worry more about it because of my own health problems ie anxiety,depression and i had brain anuyrseum last year which have caused me to worry about others more but im getting help with these things so hopefully things will start to look up soon ! Thank you again for your help david x

  • Hi David

    I hope your Mum is better soon. I know it's hard but try and relax, worrying about everything just wears us out and won't change a thing.

    It's very natural to worry about your Mum. My late Mum was a diabetic

    And her last year of life wAs hard. Mum lived to be 87 and she had

    A good happy life, so try not to worry.

    I always tried to be upbeat even if I didn't feel it, and I just

    Concentrated on making Mum happy.

    Don't worry about not posting, everyone's life is very different.

    Be really kind and compassionate to yourself

    Hugs to you

    Hannah x

  • Thank for your kind words my mum means the world to me shes in her late 70s but also has diabeties and lots of other health problems she in with fluid on the lungs heart problems im really worried about her ! I had my depression getting better but.this has made it worse ! I just hope she gets better ! Thx david xx

  • Thank for your kind words my mum means the world to me shes in her late 70s but also has diabeties and lots of other health problems she in with fluid on the lungs heart problems im really worried about her ! I had my depression getting better but.this has made it worse ! I just hope she gets better ! Thx david xx

  • Moni that is lovely story and your advice is so so true.

    You sound like a lovely warm person, and I'm really glad that

    You stuck with us here.on this Forum.

    Hannah xx

  • Hi,

    You're definitely not being selfish. You are worrying about your mum which is a completely natural reaction to have. I'd be worried sick too. But letting your anxiety getting completely out of control isn't a good thing a sit's damaging to your own health. And I'm sure your mum wouldn't want you to feel like this. Maybe you can find some ways to keep your mind off things?

    I find getting lost in someone else's story helps, like a film or a book. Doesn't always work but sometimes does. Maybe going for a walk or a run will help to release the excess energy you feel through the anxiety. I know how that feels as I suffer form anxiety and sometimes I just can't sit still or can't stop worrying about one particular thing and it takes over. Exercise can help, something high energy like exercise classes or running to expell the negative energy.

  • Hi very good post and I just ticked the recommend box for

    I agree worrying and stress is so back for you, reading a good book

    Is great too. Drawing or Painting help me too, even though I'm fairly

    Amateurish at it, I'm no Picasso .

    Hannah x

  • Hi celtic been there done that! I find the best way is to visit as much as possible, be as supportive as you can and find out all you can from the doctors. That should reassure you. Oh and put on a smiley face for your mum as she won't think it's serious then. Good luck xx

  • Thanks for that i will be glad when she gets home and hopefully stays well !how have you been ive not been here for a while ! Just getting used to working 4 days as thats as much as i can do now ! get a fair bit.of brain fatigue but other than that ok ! Take care my.friend david

  • Cough lovely Post that I am going to recommend. The advice you give is

    Always . Common sense . Warm and witty and understanding. Lovely

    Hannah x

  • Thanks hanna im trying to stay positive just dont want anything to happen to her

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