I hope everybody's okay!
So today, i was in my uncle's house ans i was talking with my aunt about my mother and stuff.
My aunt is like my 2nd mother, she is always there for me and i know she loves me like her child.
So, i told her about my depression and all, and she told me "Why haven't you talk with me before? You are afraid?" And i said that yes i am. and she says "You know, i will ot go to tell this to your mum, i know what you're feelind, i have lost my mother and i can't sleep since this day (like 1 or 2 years ago) the worst is that even when she was diying, she doesn't wanted me.. And since then, i'm alway blaming myself.. I understand you. And for your mother, i know, this is not fair for you. (...)"
Anyway, i told her everything (about the death of my friend Jonathan, about my depression but not about my suicidal thoughts)
And she told me this, i will never forget that "If you need to talk, anyday at any time, i'll be there for you. I love you for who you are, not for what they want you to be."
This words touch me so much.. I was really glad at this moment, but i was wishing so hard that it was my mother telling me this.. But yeah..
I think, i have to stop with that. I have to stop thinking about "who getting my mother back" because i will never bring her to me. I know that. It hurts a lot but, i have to keep my head up and to be strong, to keep being strong without her and without her love. And for my father this is the same.
So, i'm living with them, i love them, i talk and laugh (a little bit) with them, i call them "mom" and "dad", but thats all.
If they doesn't show me their affection, it will be the same as now.
But i'm happy to had a really good talk with my aunt, and i'm happy to know that she always be there for me, even if i cant told her everything about my problems and about my life..
Anyway, sorry for this long and maybe boring post but i needed to tell you this! You're like an other part of my family now!
So, be safe sweeties. Love ya all !
-The little one xx