My BF is a selfish, self obsessed wanker!.....oooh that feels good, just to say it.
I'm not looking for sympathy I'm far from perfect and please don't tell me to leave him, if I was capable of doing that I would have done it a long time ago. It's just right now I would like the arrogant git to fall down a very deep black hole! I'm afraid the naughty corner isn't enough.
As for being able to tell him I suffer from depression, he's just like my mother it would be a sign of weakness and he'd use it against me. I'm sharing here because you're nice people and I don't think you will mind. Why people have to be sooo mean all in the name of power and control!
I feel like giving up, but I wont! No one is going to make me give up. I will die defending my right to be myself and lead a decent life and to be treated well. Please don't ask me to defend our relationship, I cant always, when it's good it's lovely and he can be a very kind man. However right now he's heaping untold pressure on me and I'm not taking it lying down and Im sure you can guess it isn't going well.
I know every thing in life is my responsibility, Im not stupid and if I choose to stay with him well I deserve to feel like this; but sometimes just sometimes I feel if I do my best and I do, that should matter, not just to him but the Universe.
Oh look I'm just venting and maybe this is all rubbish, my biggest problem is I remember, I remember what it was like to be sooo loved, so cared for, I miss that. Even to be liked and looked for, maybe the fault isn't his, maybe it's my memory of better times.