Again and again

Hey you...

I hope you're okay.

I'm feeling bad right now, I'm at home overthinking and obviously I'm thinking about ending my life.

I'm tired of crying and thinking like that.. Tired of having so much hate from my family and my ex-friends..

I know, this is not great thinking like that but this is like that and I can't change it.

One of my friends told me that I'm putting this in my head, like I'm forcing myself to think like that.. But I'm not okay with her, that's not true. And she doesn't want to understand, so once again I'm alone in my room crying.

I don't want to hurt myself so please.. Someone.. Help me..?

I'm barely breathing, this is like everything is falling.

I'm thinking about my friend (I was/I'm still tbh in love) who died 3 months ago.. He was 15..

I miss him every day, every time, every moment of my life..

This is really hard.. Today I'm falling again..

I'm sorry for this sad post but, I need help..

Thanks for everything.

-another sad and young girl.. xx

47 Replies

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  • Hi

    Sorry to hear that you are unhappy & suffering. it must be very difficult having your friend (boyfriend?) die at any age but perhaps particularly at such a young age. All I can say is that you won't feel like this forever. Things will get better in time but if you are not alive then you will never know

  • Hey..

    Thank you fro having replied..

    I'm lost, I don't know if I will feel better one day..

    Maybe if I go with him I will be better?

    I don't see other ways to feel happy again..

    -another sad girl xx

  • "Go be with him"? Where do you believe he is?

    Today you do not feel happy. Tomorrow you may not also & perhaps next week could be the same. But if you were to leave until 85 years old, do you think you will feel this way every day for the next 70 years? That's over 25,000 days left to live. Would not some of those be easier than today? If you are not alive you will never know.

  • Maybe, you are right.

    But am I strong enough?

    I don't know.. I can't.

    I'm losing myself slowly..

    I just want to feel nothing you know. Nothing.

  • Yeah I do know, believe me.

    It's not about being strong or being weak. It's about doing what must be done. It's about getting up & putting one foot in front of another & moving & living. We could give up, anyone of us. We could choose to end our lives, and that is our choice. But in doing that we choose to make our family & friends deal with the guilt they will feel about not helping us. It wont be their fault they could not stop or help us, because we chose, but they will still have to live without us. The pain you feel now? How much more will that pain be felt by your parents? I couldn't imagine how a mother or father would feel to have their daughter be gone while still so young. It would crush them.

    So for you & I (and the rest of us) the only thing we can do is to put one foot in front of the other & to move & live. And to hope that one day we will feel a little better. And then another day we will feel able to cope with our sadness & live & be happy.

  • I guess you're right!

    I have to live, for me and for him now. I have made a promise to him and if i kill myself i Will broke the promise.

    Thanks for the support! I Will always be thankful! Be strong, you're an amazing person!

    -the young one. xx

  • Very nicely put.It has helped me as I want to quit also

  • Really?

    Good if it helps you!

    I wish you the best!

    -another young girl xx

  • Hey little one

    Really i am now concerned. You MUST call your country's emergency line and tell them about these thoughts. We can help each other here by writing but you are still a child - though I know you are more mature given your experiences - and adults in your country are responsible to make sure you are SAFE. Promise me to look up the number and dial for help. Please.

  • Oh SLSL!

    Dear you,

    I can't promise this.. You know with my parents and all.. This is really difficult, but I will look for the numbers, and try to call when I'll be alone ok?

    This is the only thing I can say to you about that..

    And yes, I'm just a child..

    Please dear, be safe!

    Thank you for your support.

    -the little one. xx

  • You are on the Internet now. Google the numbers please, go into another room and phone them. Please.

  • I can't Dear.. My parents are here, they will listen me..

    Maybe tomorrow? They are working so I will maybe try it if I feel so bad..

    We have a deal? Is that good for you?

    Thanks for caring..

    Xx

  • It has to be good for YOU!

    I think you should call them as soon as possible. There is help out there. Please use it. In which country are you

  • You're right..

    I'm in France..

  • Dear sweet girl, so hard for you to be thrown into such tragedy at another critical turning point in you life. Try finding grievance council as well if you can, something like that is never going to be easy to overcome and will always be with you, so knowing how to handle the grief wave by wave is important.

    Believe there are so many souls out there that want to reach out to you in your hour of need, hang on in there and try not to be feel alone xxxx

  • Hey!

    Thanks for having replied..

    I don't know, this is hard for the moment and the only way I see is by going with him away you know..

    I'm always alone here, I have friends (not a lot) but they are mean with me when I'm sad and suicidal..

    So the only good thing is talking with some of you here..

    Be safe!

    -another young and sad girl. X

  • Sometimes the trouble is people can get very scared when someone says they want to hurt themselves, I can feel like they can be angry or don't like you, when in it's sometime they don't know how to handel there own feelings of how to respond, even in good menal health we can feel helpless and afraid.

    You are already hurting yourself so much because of your inner pain, please beleive there is help out there, pick up the phone and speak in person to one of the help lines, your hurting so much now, but you really don't want to miss out on all the good relationships you are going to find coming in your near future xxx

  • I will call them maybe tomorrow.. I don't know..

    I'm afraid if my parents will find it and.. They will be really mad at me...

    Ok, they can be scared but.. I don't tell to them but if I don't reply to them they told me " oh you're cutting yourself again!", " oh you're so stupid I don't know why I'm still talking to you maybe killing yourself is the good way!"

    And it hurts..

  • Sadly parenhood has never come with a guide book and although they hurt you, they really don't mean to.

    Have you put some of your favorite music on, sometimes even sad songs can help, look up on youtube REM's everybody hurts sometimes, it's a lovely one to sing along to when your sinking down. xxx

  • Yes! I'm doing this!

    I'm listening the song "I wish you were here" by Avril lavigne (that's one of my favorite songs so yeah..)

    But I will listen your song after I promise!

    Thanks for the support! I really appreciate !

    -another young girl xx

  • You take care sweetpea, tomorrow you'll feel a little braver to fight another day. xxx

  • I hope!

    And thanks, the song makes me smile!

  • Listening to a sad song right now is not a good idea. It will keep you down & may push you further down. I would strongly advise to either try to listen to something more 'fun' or a light songs so as to try & lift your mood.

  • I don't really like "fun" songs..

    I'm this type of person who listen to everything like screamo songs (bring me the horizon) or more pop songs (ed sheeran) but nothing really happy and colorful... :)

  • Hi JimDom, that is very good reasoning, but it can feel impossible to sometimes listen to something happy when the world seems so intolerable, yet music, or any of the arts, allbeit the sader ones can still sometimes help some a little, purhaps because your focusing on them and not so much the overrulling voice inside.

    So although I would still go with every word you say, if that doesn't work, don't rule out the odd sad song xx

  • Hi Little one,

    I understand it is too hard for you to ring a helpline when your parents are so close by. Perhaps you can plan a time when you are alone to make the call, go for a walk with your mobile, etc??

    However a lot of helplines offer an email option and that might be easier for you.

    Also look for charities, helplines, etc who support people who self harm. In England a good place to start would be

    selfinjurysupport.org.uk

    which specialises in helping young women who self harm.

    I don't know what the situation is like in France but I'm sure there will be someone who can help you.

    Please don't give up.

    I know everything looks black to you now but it will get better.

    I'm going to bed now but I'll be around tomorrow if you would like to chat more.

    Love and Best Wishes,

    Lizard.xxx

  • Hey!

    Thank you a lot! I will search tomorrow for some things like that or maybe contact the English association..

    Yes, I will try it..

    I will enjoy chat more with you!

    So I guess, we talk tomorrow?

    Sleep well! Be safe!

    -the little one xx

  • Another-girl. You need to speak to an adult about how you are feeling and you need to that today. You are young, vulnerable and people on the internet can only support you to a certain extent. There are lots of people on this forum who want to help you, but this talk of suicide and not being afraid to die will cause people a lot of distress. Please talk to your parents, or your grandparents, an auntie or uncle, or even a teacher. Please don't think I am being patronising, because it certainly isn't my intention, but you are looking for advice from people with different kinds of experiences. There are people out there especially trained in supporting people of your age with mental health difficulties. I can see your posts getting a little bit more distressing each time and I'm worried that you are out of your depth a little bit. I'm writing this because I care, not because I want you to leave the forum. Please find a balance between chatting to us and talking to people in 'real life'

    Lucy x

  • Hey Lucy,

    Yes I understand.. You're right. My bad..

    But I haven't no one to tell this you know..

    I think tomorrow I will talk to someone.

    I will call associations for helping me. Because this is the only thing I can do..

    Once again, I'm sorry..

    -the young girl. Xx

  • You have absolutely nothing to be sorry for. You deserve to feel happy and to live your life to its fullest, and you can get help to make that happen x

  • Yes..

    But i'm afraid about "calling" associations and Stuff.. I dont Know..

  • Hi Another Girl

    I too am very concerned about you. You are too young to

    Be trying to cope with this alone. We are adults and we find it

    Hard, you are still a child.

    You will have to talk to your parents, do they not have

    Any idea of how Depressed you are.

    You cannot go on like this , this is a Forum for support but

    None of us are really qualified or able to help you. We

    Care but we too are having our own issues and problems,

    And it's very painful to read a post like this, saying you

    Are Suicidal or self harming.

    I agree with Lucy , we care and want to help, but we can

    Only do so much, and I really think that this is too much.

    You must phone those helplines as soon as possible. You

    Say you are afraid your parents will find out! But they

    Will find out if things get worse for you.

    You can get help so p,eSe take the advice from us, we

    Want you to be helped and start to enjoy your young beautiful life, you have so much potential, so remember that.

    Hannah x

  • Thank you Hannah,

    This forum help me a lot. I have stop crying and I feel less alone than I was 3 days ago.

    I care for all of you too and I know, I'm still a child but, maybe I can move on without my parents help?

    I don't want them to know my problems..

    I will call them!

    Be safe!

    -the little one xx

  • I agree with Lucy on this another girl. You need to get some professional trained help as soon as you are able. We will still all be here to talk to tomorrow and in a few days time and will like to hear that you have managed to get yourself that help, so please be brave and make those contacts as soon as you are able.

    Hugs to you Gemmalouise XX

  • Thank you!

    I will!

    And I will be there for you too! Maybe I'm young but I understand a lot of things, and I can help too!

    Lot of love!

    -another young girl xx

  • I have found one organisation called "jeunesse j'ecoute" This can help with the self harm issue . They are Canada based but you can e-mail or phone them anytime and they are confidential. Here is the link

    jeunessejecoute.ca/Teens/Ph...

    There will be others ; this is just one I found. Gemma x

  • Thank you a lot Gemma!

    I will send them an e-mail !

    Not right now because I'm tired but tomorrow! :D

    Thanks a lot! It helps me so much!

    -another young girl xx

  • Just had another look. Jeunesse j'ecoute are 24 hour and deal with ANY issue for young person under 20 free ,confidential ,anonymous if you want, professional but they have pages on self harm and stuff and are obviously professionals in their field.

    Bonne nuit, sleep well hear from you soon. X

  • Hey!

    Jeunesse j'écoute his a website just for the Canada, so i can't use it.

    But! I have found a french website "SOS-amitié" and i have send an e-mail to them!

    Thanks a lot

    -another young girl

  • Well done another young girl. You are a precious young lady who deserves to be helped so keep trying and make sure you get that help little one.

    XX

  • Thanks for your help! ❤️

  • Super! That's such good news. Hopefully they will reply soon. And when they do, please do stay in touch with them x

  • Hey! I Will! :D

    -have a good day!

    -the little one xx

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