That's the best word I can think of to describe things at the moment. My poor Mum is in so much pain. I would actually do anything to take a little bit of it away just now. It's pointless pointing the finger of blame now - if she'd only stopped drinking, if we hadn't burdened her with our problems, if this and that hadn't happened. The facts remain. She's in tremendous pain, she's depressed and she's scared of what she knows is the eventual inevitable. I watch her frail little body deteriorate by day and I long for a different ending.