I feel bloody awful, but Im trying to ignore it


Hope you don't mind me sharing, Im just having a moan really. I woke feeling truely aweful, I have sooo many problems in my life at the moment, if you knew what they were, you might say well come on no wonder. Still Im determined to make some bloody headway. Something has to give right? I keep telling myself Im not dead until Im dead.

Heavens you wont believe this, I just text someone and something has given! Thank you Universe, gawd Im a lucky girl.

I'm trying to get work and I did a course on PowerPoint as I'd like to get a job creating presentations, yes the job/ career does exist...ha ha. So I needed exposure to real projectors to see if my designs translate well. I met a lovely woman who will allow me to use the projector in her school. At first no reply to my initial text and email and then taddar just now a reply, so fingers crossed, apparently Im going tomorrow. It's not an actual job but Im putting it out to the Universe, I will try my hardest if it will try its hardest to help me.

Since Im sharing I'd also like to explain one of my other BIG issues , I was reluctant to explain before because anyone who reads this later will know its me, maybe even my BF will find it. He doesn't know I'm depressed or if he does it swept under the carpet. I don't know that all people should be all things to you, by that I mean maybe I shouldn't look to him for support sometimes.

Anyway I need to share and you've all been so kind to me, I do feel supported so thank you. So here it is, I may have to emigrate to Australia, the pressure I feel is untold and I feel completely unsupported in the real world in my attempts to achieve this. One of my fears being how this will impact on my dyslexia, forms to fill in, tests to do etc.

Lastly that isn't even the biggest problem I have two others...lol, but Im not ready to share those just yet.

But I refuse to lay down and give up, be it to my dying breath, I reserve the right to be me! I have a right to life....just wish it was a bit easier :-)

Im very humbled by this mornings experience, really for the Universe to give me even a sniff of help / hope I am uber grateful.

Hope this post brings you some luck! Fingers crossed

4 Replies

  • Hi

    I'm not sure that I understand what you have written - except that it does sound as if you feel things are looking up for you. If so, I am glad for you.

    Sue x

  • Hi

    Thanks SecondHandRose, I was just sharing my ups and downs. Off out now so lets see what today brings :-) Hope your day is Fab.

    Big Kiss XX

  • Hi Caroline

    That's good that you will have a chances practice your power Point, then you will be as confident as anyone. Hopefully that will improve your job opportunities. It must

    Be tough give jib hunting , but you sound as if your ok.

    Now like Rose I'm a it confused by your post too, it a Seems to me that you don't

    Seem able to share that your Depressed with your BF. I would have though honesty

    And openness are essential for a good relationship. He must know, surely!

    Also I dont know why you feel pressured to emigrate to Australia, why is this ?

    Who is forcing you to go ? Maybe I'm missing something here.

    I just don't get it, you write in a very cryptic style.lol.

    Hannah x

  • Hello Caroline, it is always so lovely to hear from you and I am pleased the universe was kind to you today.

    It sounds like you are under an immense amount of stress and also thatjob/money is a big issue but it does sound like you are making inroads on this and being very creative in finding solutions to these issues.

    It also sounds like you are trying to be brave and strong and don't have a lot of support out there and try and hold stuff in. I can really relate to this myself and it may just be that the people are not there at the moment who will truly listen to you but they will be as you get more confidence in yourself and more self esteem .

    I will admit I am slightly worried about the emigrating to Australia bit and your boyfriend not knowing you are depressed as honesty is important in any relationship especially a close one and I wonder whether you are trying to push your own needs to one side (out of habit?) and are being rather cajoled?? (presumably it is he you are emigrating with ??)

    Not saying any of this is what is happening ; just asking you to have a think about it as a possible issue which needs to be addressed; it could possibly relieve a lot of the stress for you to discuss and share your feelings with him???

    All I see in you is an amazing and truly lovely person Caroline. I am here to support any time you want; you can PM me as well if you want ; I'm not exactly shockable or anything. I really feel the pressure you are under.

    Lots of hugs and stuff to you Caroline. I hope the day was truly productive and you are starting to find yourself on the right path. I understand the sort of stuff you are saying; It has happened to me that I have reached such extreme depths and then something has kicked in to help me. I am blessed to know you for one thing as you just being there makes me feel a connection with a good soul.

    So do hang on in there Caroline. Love to you

    Gemma XX

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