Still feeling crap today. Wish it would lift!!

And to top it of my fiance was meant to be working and hes been off all day and he has sat about doing feck all. I hate him lounging around while i do everything. I dont mind if hes working but hate it when hes off. Am i being unreasonable? He says that i have to ask him if i need something done when to me its clear what needs done. He cant cook, doesnt iron, never cleans the bathroom or hoover. Aaarrggghhh, he does my head in. My ex was in the army and did everything when he was home and it annoyed me but i'd have someone helping over a lazy git anyday. Feel like i am ready to blow, feel so agitated and pissed off. Not a good day :( my fiance has took our son away in the car and didnt even say where he was going. Says hes sick of living in a house where he can just sit and do nothing. X

8 Replies

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  • Hi Les

    Difficult one ......... everyone is entitled to a day off to veg out now and again (including you!).

    But to a slightly manic tidy person its very annoying to see someone able to easily relax when there are jobs to be done ....... but he has a point (and dont take this personally chaps) but a lot of blokes simply dont see chores that need doing.

    He has said to ask him to do things - so have a chat, divide some of the chores, prehaps teach him to cook - could be fun to do together ?? include your kid as well never too soon to share the load!

    Hang in there Vx

  • Thanks for an outside view. I need everything to be tidy and it drives me mad seeing him sitting on his backside. Lol. I need to chill a bit :) x

  • Hi there. Now I will be straight with you, it was your Fiancés day off,

    And just because you were killing yourself because that's the way you are, doesn't mean he has not got the right to relax. Les my Father was like you, as a teen if he saw me sitting down, he would annoyed and tell

    Me to do this, it was soo annoying.

    Your partner should be allowed to sit down if he wants to, you will

    Drive him away if you keep this up.

    Make a list of a few things you would like him to do, men do need to be told " Hoover or whatever" . He is your partner and if your miserable

    Then you need to get your priorities right. No one would feel relaxed

    If you are always so precise. Think of all the good things you love

    About him and do the basics and chill, or you will drive yourself nuts.

    Hugs

    Hannah

  • Thank you for your honesty hannah. Wish it didnt bug me, i really do. Think i am just jealous that he can actually relax and i find it impossible :( x

  • Les don't be so hard on yourself. You are how you are, and it's not easy

    To relax with a very young baby. I find it easier to relax now that I am older, that's one compensation.lol.

    I suppose too that your partner is more laid back as he does not have Depression, hope I didn't come across as hard as I didn't mean it like that.

    I think your great . Depression is no picnic at any age, but with young children it must be tough.

    Luv

    Hannah x

  • this sound like me! I just replied to your first post. I felt overwhelmed with doing everything and helping to look after my mam too. I find I am worse when I am tired. I have learnt since I left him that I could have done things differently. my out look is - if I see someone struggling I will offer to help - so I think people will do the same for me if I need help.BUT this is not so and have hopefully learnt that I need to ask them to help. ask him to do a specific job for u not just general help. friends and dr has told me u need to treat men like little boys who need to be ditected. but don't let them think u are telling them what to do they don't like that lol.

  • Hi

    It sounds as though there is an underlying problem of different expectations of what each should do within the relationship, also that your fiancé will do things if he's asked but not otherwise which means he places responsibility for deciding how things should be onto you but then he fails to live up to your expectations - which is hardly surprising as you can't be expected to decide how things should be in a home that is jointly shared.

    If your fiancé is really lazy then you might consider whether you want to spend your life with someone like him but if he can be caring but only does things when asked then maybe you could find a way to negotiate a rota with him?

    You could talk with your fiancé and decide what needs doing each day/week and then decide with him which things he would do and which you will do. That way you both negotiate and you no longer carry all the responsibility and feel resentment. You could put the rota on the fridge and use it like a task list that you both refer to.

    If that doesn't work I suggest you consider talking with a relationship counsellor as sharing is basic to any relationship, otherwise you are having to be a parent figure and him a child.

    Suex

  • Thanks for the replies. We are currently seeing a relationship counsellor. He admits that he is male chauvanist and that he never did a thing in previous relationships. He knew that i couldnt put up witb that so he did make an effort for a while. He always said if he was off work that he would help me but for 3 days there he sat playing stupid facebook games on his fone and the laptop. Drives me mad!! X

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