My feelings are bouncing around all over the place today. I woke feeling achy and still tired, obviously slept badly due to sciatic pain after chiro-practitioner did her thing yesterday! Woke, made breakfast without checking dates on things so had to remake it, same thing again but ate it anyway, then got marmite all over my new white t-shirt and trousers, was almost in tears and cancelled swimming which I was going to do for the first time in 15 years...
In pain from sciatica, could hardly stand but had a whole lot of plants to put in and decided to do it anyway, did it! Worked in the garden fairly gently for several hours, felt a lot better, joints hurt while working but eased and by the time I had finished I felt much better.
Had a phone call from GP surgery. GP had said she would refer me to specialist for fibromyalgia, she also suggested chiropractor - that has only made things worse. Also she suggested seeing physio for shoulder pain - saw her, excellent assessment, have tendonitis but that interacts with fibro so difficult to tease apart. Still no apt with specialist so see another GP who says he will chase up. A month later still no apt so check with surgery - this morning's phone call was to tell me the physio will assess whether I need to see consultant - so back to square one! I feel frustrated, angry and helpless. I asked GP to refer me to the pain clinic, she said they only give meds and she can do that, since then I've heard the pain clinic offers 6 week courses on pain management with yoga, pilates, cognitive and other pain management techniques as well as info and advice on meds and social connection with other people with fibro. I feel so frustrated because it feels as though I am going around in circles. I even considered changing GPs but researched this pm and find our surgery is the best in the area - wonder what the worst is like!
I'm ranting, but I am just so tired of being told one thing only to find out something else, to not be referred to services that are available yet told we are entitled to choice, etc. It reminds me I suppose of being a child with parents who were supposed to look after my needs but never listened to anything I said and just went their own sweet way without taking any account of me.
I just needed to rant. Sorry all of you, I don't mean to go on so much. I'm just struggling at the moment, can't seem to move forwards in any way despite odd steps that seem as if I have shifted... Hope you are all ok. Don't have the motivation to say anything else.
Well..... I wrote that a week ago and thought I downloaded it but it seems I didn't so when I tried to do a new post today it was still here!
I find it difficult that my feelings seem to bounce all over the place as I have been making really positive moves forward since. I have started going swimming every week and though I only manage a couple of lengths at least I am going. I joined a second gym near home and plan to go several times a week in order to build up my fitness level, hopefully that will help me to sustain the improved mood too. Most importantly, I have joined the Ramblers - a huge move forwards for me. I get a lot of joint pain and imagine I will struggle to keep up or manage the distance and feel the distress I felt as a child when left out or feeling less able than other people, but I have committed myself to going on a 5 mile walk in Grasmere in 2 weeks time! I've ordered walking gear too - spending more money than I should on really good walking boots, trousers, shell jacket, poles etc. I'm going to be a regular walker it seems! I know the depression isn't far away and that it will be all too easily to slip back into feeling negativity but I aim to make the effort to do things that will help support me during the winter as that's the time I find most difficult.
The weather is gorgeous here in St Helens this morning and my husband and I will be going to Manchester to buy some things for his jam-making later. I do love the summer... The garden is full of roses, climbing and tall shrub ones, and there are loads of plums coming on the tree. I am so lucky, I must try to remember that next time I am depressed, and not let myself wallow.
Well that's my news! How are you all, especially the people I know, what are you up to this weekend? I hope you are finding ways to enjoy life.