I'm 37 I just ended a relationship back in March but I'm addicted to him codependent I just don't want to let go and hurt or be alone. In the beginning I was too fat for him so he used me for his sexual needs. Then I lost all the weight and bec I have zero self esteem obviously I dated him we dated for 8 months. He did not like making out or touching me, so I never went it him sexually. I just pleased him. I know pathetic but he was my companion and I felt happy I thought and that he was just not an affectionate guy which he told me that he wasn't. I spent holidays with him family he said he wanted to marry me etc. I looked at the future. Then he got laid off in October but stayed with the company for 6 months on a temp assignment. He's 31, he wanted to try to have a baby but I felt anxious and scared bec he wasn't on the hunt for a job, I didn't want to be the only one working, well now I just got laid off so we are both out of work, I have dragged this out since 3/31. We both own coops and I moved in with him bec he asked me to on christmas. I was going tO sell my apartment and move in but I wanted a ring, and also I needed my apartment to get painted fixed up. Well when I moved in I felt I had no time for myself, I have my own washer and dryer here and he would tell me go home one day a week do your clothes and paint, make the sacrifice. That was too much for me though I worked all day too how come he can't help me paint. He had said at one point he would. Anyway I'm just in a bad place he wants to try but I've dragged this out so long now he's resentful. I went to his place a week ago and he then after 8 months started to makeout with me and get me in the mood I wasn't feeling it. So I went home bec I feel he's just horny and wants to get off. Sorry for the overshare. I just can't let go though everyone around me says he's no good but I blame myself. Why did I allow this how can I change how can I love myself who's gonna love me did he ever love me? I'm so scared of being alone and giving up on him, I'll block him then get weak and unblock him from my phone. If I go over there today because he never comes to my place then what he may reject me and I'll be in a worse position than before. Family and friends say stay away. How can I stop this feeling of being addicted to him. Please help me
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