I am a 3rd year university student who in the last 3 years of being here has lost both my closest grandparents and my boyfriend of 18 months who I thought I was about to spend my adult life with only several weeks before my hand in dates and my exams.
I came completely out of the blue. I mean I know we had some problems but I didn't think it was bad enough to break up over.
I know it may sound stupid but I am really struggling to come to terms with it. I feel like my life is over because I thought everything for after university was starting to plan out. I would move in with his parents and him so I could keep my part time job here until something better came along. But no it's gone. Nothing I say or do will bring him back.
I have found myself in a very low place. I haven't eaten or drank properly for over a week now and I am exhausted. My sleep is so disturbed and I find myself waking up panicking and feeling like I am suffocating. I feel like I am drowning in a pit of despair lurking at the bottom of my stomach. I feel the need to draw attention to myself and I know I am heading in the wrong direction. I self harmed and wished I wasn't alive anymore on numerous occasions because I feel like it would ease the pain. I have turned to drink on a series of occasions. I even called the samaratens several times in the night as I just didn't know what else to do. I was advised to go to a&e but I didn't get there.
Can anyone give me some advice on how to cope? I cannot go on like this.