With schizo affective disorder (mainly depression), COPD (moderately severe) and chronic but intermittent lower back pain.
Decreased my antidepressants last year as sick of feeling numb then decided it was time to tackle my Diazepam use - 30mg per day by going 'cold turkey'...didn't quite work out as planned but down to 10mg per day with none on some days and a little more on others. Previously tried the taper method but it didn't work for me.
I was doing OK until yesterday when I had been up since 3am but by 10am was very shaky and feeling spaced out. Spent most of the remainder of the day laid down drifting in and out of a light sleep until I got undressed for bed last night and slept reasonably well until woken by yet another nightmare - this time about sexual abuse as a teenager which, although I did suffer, I was out of school and old enough to consent so it wasn't strictly abuse but was manipulative and messy as they were so called friends of my Dad and had children the same age as me. They bribed me with incentives that I couldn't have afforded myself at the time as a single Mum.
It seems like what began as an anxiety problem in my mid 30s has, over time, catapulted me right back to my childhood and things that I hadn't considered problematic until pointed out as connections by psychiatrists to my current state.
I'm now 57, with four marriages behind me, and feel as though I've now got a hornets nest to sort out and all help has been withdrawn. Changes in meds are left largely to me (most of them don't help anyway) which my current psychiatrist endorses in the 20mins he sees me 3 times a year. Other than that I can speak to a duty officer if I have a crisis but they know so little about me it hardly seems worth it and sometimes ends in an argument.
Where on earth do I turn to for help?