Garden Regrets

Sadly I wrote a blog about my new home in the country and planning and planting our our new Fruit Garden, it took a long time with Hazel to prepare and plant twenty fruit trees with a further twelve varieties of soft fruits.

Now we are putting in borders and moving shrubs into them, the smallest border is eighty foot long by five feet wide, and now I am realising that I just cannot do it any more.

My day today was moving electric garden tools quite a long way to the work area, and I just could not do it, even after taking Opiate pain killers my body would not allow me to continue on so Hazel was having to do all the digging and preparation.

It got so bad that I began to unpack the plants for the new border and by the time I had finished I had made a mess on the Conservatory floor carpet with soil and by the end of a laboured job I was at screaming point with pain. So I put the kettle on for a cup of tea and we rested. Afterwards I had to watch my wife having to continue with the land preparing for planting, I started trying to take all the gear back into lockup and it took an age.

All I am trying to say is Depression comes in many guyses with me it is because I am always been in constant chronic pain. Now I feel that it stops me doing jobs I love doing.

We were forced out of our home by the Environment Agency who has destroyed our garden of over thirty years, because our neighbours needed flood protection, we did not need it although we had to take the biggest tranche of work on our land, they were going to buy our home and pulled out on the day of our removal. So now at sixty three my wife and I are having to plant out again, we had lost most of the plantings at our old address as Hazel had dropped a large concrete planter on her foot and we could not finish transplants in our old garden. I went into a flareup and was unable to do the work myself.

Now we are waiting to see what we may get for compensation, the garden plantings were extensive and everything was established, so one shrub or tree was worth anything from £50 to £200, Our new garden is all young planting so with some of the plants we will never see them mature.

What makes it really bad is the Environment Agency was supposed to design our garden at old address, that did not happen we saw the plans and said they were not what we wanted, they then built what they wanted so they have destroyed a flood garden and filled up nearly half of my land with concrete, if we flood will not be able to clear the river water.

Sorry going on, now I just feel we were meant to enjoy a .established garden on retirement , now I am supposed to start all over again. it was suggested that they could supply landscapers to do the new garden, guess what happened ?

All this is really doing my head in and really I do not want to go through all this again because I cannot undertake it anymore. WE NEVER HATE, although now we cannot do anything else, they have thrown out all of our landscape as well,

Sorry to go on it is just we have had a married life of hobby destroyed by an out of control Government Department.

I wonder why we are depressed and suicidal !!! We all really need to understand we need not upset an out of control quango they can destroy anything they want to, I refused access, our solicitor said we cannot do that it will become to messy, they entered and destroyed without permission

All the best

BOB

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[Photogeek]

Hi Bob

I'm really sorry that you are feeling so frustrated with everything about your

Beloved garden. Progress can wreck nature sometimes, it must have been

Heartbreaking.

Now after today I sense you are physically and emotionally exhausted. Try and

Rest and then you will get the strength back for whatever you have to do.

Oh Bob what can I say but look after yourself and Hazel and let the other stuff

Go or else you will get worn out. Your place sounds amazing. Pity I don't live

Near I could give you a hand. I'm not great at gardening by any means but I

Could learn.

Hannah

[Hidden in reply to Photogeek]

Hello Hannah

Thanks so much

BOB

[Adorable1]

Hi Bob

So sorry, just wanted you to know I read your post.

Make sure you rest after what sounds like a very trying day.

Are there any charities that would support you and offer help getting some of your garden planted up etc. I know in some places there is help from some charities with things like that. It may not be something you want, but was just a thought.

Hope you sleep peacefully Bob x

[Hidden in reply to Adorable1]

Hello

Thank you for concern of for shut eye now

All the bestx

[Suzie40]

Bob that's really sad

You're a good guy and as you say, have every right to enjoy your retirement years comfortably and the way you planned.

If I lived closer I'd come and help you x

[Hidden in reply to Suzie40]

Thanks Lucy

BOB

[Hidden]

Not good Bob. What a thing to happen - I didn't know they could do all that. Sue the ........... if they don't pay the full amount. I know thats not the point but you might find that you enjoy the new house and garden more than you ever thought you could. You will get there just hold on to that.

[Hidden in reply to Hidden]

Hello

Government Quangos are not accountable, they can do what they want

BOB

[Hidden]

I am so sorry about all the difficulties you have had but you are not going on! You are simply expressing the hurt and frustrations you have had to cope with.

How wonderful to have a border 80ft long, how I would love that, but like you I would no longer be able to manage that much space! It sounds as if you are having to grieve the loss of your old much loved garden which was taken away from you and that you were then let down by the environment agency not fulfilling what they said they would which must be like rubbing salt into the wound. Now you are having to adjust to the realities of your age and health conditions and the loss of previous good health is a major loss. It sounds as though you bought your current house in the hope of being able to recreate something of what you had in the past but that in reality you cannot because you are that much older. It is so very hard when we have dreams and they are smashed to pieces, especially when the reasons are none of our doing. I can strongly identify with you in the feelings of anger and despair you must be feeling about the complete lack of control and consideration of your needs.

You cannot change the past, all you can do is accept it and move on. As you and your wife may not be able to manage planting up your garden I wonder whether you might have to come to terms with lowering your expectations and dreams. I am sorry if that sounds harsh and it will involve further loss but the reality is that you will need to maintain the garden over many years if you are to feel happy with it and be able to enjoy it, and if what you plan is going to be a continual burden then you will not have the opportunity to overcome your current feelings and enjoy your older age.

Right now you are raging and depressed but do think about the realities of the kind of garden you would be able to maintain. Maybe you can manage a simpler design with less planting and put the remainder over to very low maintenance shrubs. I got rid of several arches which were covered gloriously with climbing roses but were becoming difficult to manage, we kept three but the rest have gone. Similarly I replaced some of the high maintenance shrubs with low maintenance evergreens like camellias and box balls which require the kind of maintenance I can just about manage still. I didn't want any of it to go but realised it had to if I was going to manage to keep the garden looking pleasurable.

I hope you find a way to deal with your current circumstances and let go of the past.

Take care, I really find your responses helpful and supportive.

Suexx