been feeling so low out burst of tears at times and not sleeping
just feel though im falling down this deep black hole and not being able to climb back out
I'm on medication Mirtazapine and diazapan but now fell they are not helping me sleep
im feeling as though now i want to just give up.
im realy now struggling to keep myself safe
I realy hate the way my life is .
See if you can take Melantonin made by compounding chemist need script though,can get weaker one in health foods.I had no longer than 3 _4 hrs sleep for 6 mths due to night tremors .It was magic I had at least 5_6 hrs straight.You should have B12 & cortisol levels checked.Sounds like you have adrenal fatigue.I was spending a day crying for I don't know why.I was working as a midwife when my body crashed 11 mths later still not back at workTaking.MethyB12,Vit c Vitb 5,if only I was diagnosed earlier but was written off as mental problem.
Hi your info reminds me of how I felt some time ago, system is over active never stop thinking, even the trivial daily matters require your 100% attention.
Remember the glass is always half full?
Now what I want you to try is listen to music, Albatross, Fleetwood mac, or a story, through earphones, music, shut your eyes, even when you go to bed, relax and think of a walking into a wood after walking for about 15 to 20 minutes, you are in a clearing, bright sunlight momentarily impairs your eyesight, now you are used to the light, what you see next makes you smile, a stream ambles down a small gully and yes as you look int the water, fish are darting around enjoy you place of peace and tranquility.
You stop for a moment sit on the bank of the stream,a begin to drink in you own special place with all the surrounding sq.
You look and see how many different shades of greens there's the trees and grass have surrounding your own special place.
On the side of a small hill only 50 metres from where you are sitting is a wooden shack with a veranda and on the veranda is a rocking chair creeping softly in the whisper air.
You now go to investigate the shack, still looking all around your special place, yes a shack that nobody lives in, it's not a mystery who owns the shack it is yours.
The story now is yours beyond this point you can open pandora a box, look back on happy times in your life and demonises, or sit in that rocker and dream of things to come.
All the best, remember relax at all times.
This is not a quick fix, it is your own special place to do what you want with, nobody to hinder or force you into negative thoughts, take your time drink it in, when ever you feel that you want to visit that little piece of tranquility.
Over to you
Sorry to hear things are so difficult. Not sleeping isn't good and makes things worse 
Know from other posts that there is a lot going on in your life that isn't good so not surprised that it is all starting to feel too much.
There is a huge difference between having thoughts of suicide and wanting it all to be over and actually wanting to commit suicide though I think for some it is a slippery slope. Have you mentioned things to your GP. Some people actually find that having a 'plan' in place helps them because it is the fall back for when things get totally unbearable and just makes it that bit easier to take the next step. For others thoughts of suicide are really disturbing - know I used to go round in anxiety loops - death being the ultimate out when mind is looking for outs ... finding a suicidal thought coming into my head as a result which made me more anxious so more thoughts in a really dark and unpleasant vicious circle. I did manage to break out of it - ironically by not trying to fight the thoughts but by accepting them for what they were - my mind telling me I was anxious. I don't know if that will help you ... used to visualise them as unwanted callers and just opened the door and politely said 'not today thank you' then went back to other things and that worked much more quickly for me - a few days after 30+ years of spells that lasted days - and now I don't get spooked by them but just think to myself 'oh, I'm stressed. must relax.' Hope you find something that works for you ... and some ways of relaxing. Sounds like you've been finding music helpful over the last few days.
Have you ever tried meditation - it does help some people. Can recommend a book called 'Mindfulness: a practical guide to finding peace in a frantic world' - comes with a CD of meditations and really helped me, but we are all different.
Don-rob, so sorry you are feeling like this. It sounds very frightening and like you are struggling so much. Try and hold on and contact the Samaritans or mental health team if you have to. The mirtazapine is going to take some time to get into your system too. You posted up some things the other day, one was called "Hope" etc; maybe just remind yourself these terrible feelings are not 100% of the time although it can feel like that at the time. Is there anything you could do to distract at all? Are you able to go for a little walk, talk to someone in a shop just an everyday chat? I am not sure what will work for you; I know sometimes human contact can help with me and stop the feelings escalating. Have you ever written out a sort of "help sheet" thing for when you feel like this? If you did it may be an idea to look at it. I always write all the emergency numbers down just incase and then they are there for when I need them as I could not actually search for them at the time. Also there is a website, getselfhelp.co.uk which I have found very useful. There is a link to coping with depression and a link to coping with suicidal thoughts. One of the things it points out is that depression distorts your thinking; try and remember you don't feel 100% this bad every single waking moment; try and do things to make yourself feel even 1% better. It will be personal what that is for you but could involve for example stroking a dog when you are out walking, watching a favourite TV programme, having a wash and putting on clean clothes, making a cup of tea and just really enjoying drinking it. Just and hold on Don-rob. You are doing the right thing expressing how you feel on here. Gemmalouise
PS Me too I have terrible trouble sleeping. I never get enough sleep and I constantly get nightmares. There seems to be an absolute minimum amount of sleep I can just about function on .Sometimes with these meds if you wake up or are woken up after just a couple of hours you can feel terrible for an entire 24 hours until you are able to get your next sleep. I find that taking a magnesium supplement can help me a little but really it is just a case of "riding it out". Your mind is very stressed at the moment. Over time it will calm down a little. I am glad you had your appointment made. Maybe if you can drop off to sleep after posting sometimes it can make things feel better when you wake up but I know I've been through it myself for weeks on end and it isn't nice. Try and hold on. x
Hello
You are on two medications for your condition, I know little about you although it could be a part of the feeling of being washed out,
I do not know the time of day you are taking these medications, it may be a good thing to take them just before going to bed. If you take them Morning/Afternoon/Evening the medications can have negative effects at this times.
Over time try and change when you take them,just before bedtime, change over several weeks to assist the body over new time period. You should be able to do that in two weeks or so.
BOB
can you imagine you have 2 lives. One which is the depression one. The normal one who loves life and enjoys the suns shining. The first one is the one that makes you feel life is hard and not worth livng. but that is the illness talking. It isnt you!! the real you. You just have to hang on a little bit longer. Make an urgent appointment with gp.
If you had a magic wand, what would your life be like??
describe how it would be.
Hi,
I am sorry you are feeling so bad and would suggest you ask your GP to either review your meds or perhaps refer you to a specialist (psychiatrist) for a proper assessment which would result in more appropriate and effective treatment. Suex
You should go to your doctor so he/she can adjust your medication. I had the same issue and this is what worked for me.
Another website which might help is llttf.com/index.php. I just checked it out. It is a self help website. Someone posted up about it last night but for some reason I missed it then. There is a section on it "Why do I feel so bad". It is free to register and then you just have to log in . Gemmalouise 
I think we all go through these feelings of falling down into a deep black mass. However, we must keep hope and one thing I would always do when I can't sleep is journal and just put how I am feeling for a few days it helped me keep hope that good days were to come. Sorry you are going through such a hard time. Hugs.
don-rob...are you on line now? Just wanted to know if you are doing OK and that tonight might be a bit better for you...just post to let us all know you are OK mate. Thinking of you. PD7979 xx
Don-rob, I think you still have your appointment you are working towards next week. Just try and hold on. People are thinking of you and want you to get through this. x
Oh how well I know the feeling of falling into a black hole. All of these wonderful suggestions help me to hold on..I hope they help you also. For the longest time I thought I was the only one that felt this way. What a relief it is to find others and how they cope. What helps me is to know I have gone there, survived and climbed back up again. You can too.
Thinking of you Don-rob. Hoping you are managing to hold on. You are not alone and you have people on here who care about how you are feeling. Gemmalouise x
Life is aweful at times , I too take Mirtazapine although I do not feel it helps . My Gp will give the odd diazepam but it really doesn't help .. I feel like I am just waiting to die , its not nice ..I really don't know what the answer is anymore
Feel so alone feel no one helps
Feel so hopeless 
Feel so low 
Feeling so low
I don't believe in luck. I feel so unlucky all the time...
