been depressed for 20 years, mainly kept undercontrol by drugs and keeping manically busy, but having moved away from family and friend and then my marriage broke down. now very alone, living together still and house not sold in stressful silence. had breakdown last year managed to get myself together again and bury/cope with feelings for a few months. but everything out of control again. can barely cope with getting up and getting through day at work. am useless as mother as feel like let them down. when to doctor to say am going down hill again and need help - any help, but he offered nothing more than more drugs. Just want to die and be out of here, be away from the pain and feeling soo useless. but feel so guilty that that is what I want as how will kids copy without me knowing what I have done to myself. Try to talk to friends but they dont understnad, how can they when i dont understand.
Why is it so hard to get help for mental illness, i cant fight this much longer dont know what to do