I new to this sort of thing but I am currently at a bit of a loose end. I don't know how to word everything..
I have suffered from depression since I can remember, I didn't have a very happy childhood...
I didn't realise that I had depression however until a year ago when I attempted to commit suicide, it was after that, that I learnt my behaviour wasn't 'normal' and I have been able to understand myself more.
However I thought that understanding would make things easier but I feel like I am spiralling out of control. I battled through my 3rd year at college to secure my place at university, once I was at uni I thought that everything would be ok.
But if anything I have found myself spiral down the dark pit again, I am just so frustrated at the moment. I think what has driven to me reaching out on this website is that I have suffered numerous emotional breakdowns this term but a few hours ago I had a really bad one and I felt so lost and alone and frustrated, scared you name it.
My anxiety has come back with a bang too, I feel unable to leave my halls of residence alone which is preventing me from attending my lectures etc and I am falling behind which is making me more stressed.
The doctor here said that I need more help than just the anti-depressants as they will not help me alone. I went to tell him they are not helping my anxiety so he just upped the dose. I feel that even the doctor can't help me. If anything my anxiety has been much worse. I can't go back to the doctors as I am too anxious to leave my house. I have also started to have panic attacks. I get periods where I feel giddy and ready to face everything but then the next day I can be back to sqaure one... I just don't understand.
I just want answers concerning my mental health but people just don't really know what is wrong with me. I have gotten so used to burying my problems that I don't even really know the root of my depression fully any more and find counselling awkward, my counsellor recently asked me if she was doing anything wrong...
I am hurting those that love me. I just don;t know what to do any more. Life is getting harder and I am getting more frustrated.
I am sorry for such a long paragraph but any help at all would be appreciated.