Grief for a pet

[duncan1971]

I have had depression for 20years now I've had therapy and improved until my dog passed away last year im finding it diffcult to understand as I've cried more than i did when one of my family died .has anyone else had this diffcult handle

[Adorable1]

Yes can totally empathise with you here. A few months ago a pet died and I took it so so badly. I actually felt guilty because I was mor upset about the cat than i can recall about family member dying, certainly much more emotional.

I tried to think why that was and I could only think it was because the cat had been there for me never judging always loyal, with an unconditional love for me. I was extremely emotional for some time.

Perhaps because we suffer with depression we are more sensitive to pets being very kind to us no matter what and never judging, always there no matter what, difficult to find in a human being I guess. Those were my theories anyway.

I'm sorry for your loss.

Xxxxxx

[duncan1971 in reply to Adorable1]

Hi thank you for replying i think its worse because i lived with my dog seeing him everyday whereas a person you don't see as much i think pets are better than people in some ways because they give you unconditional love im sorry to hear about your cat passing away take heart that you did everything for him

[Adorable1 in reply to duncan1971]

Yes I agree, being around our pets every day means we miss them so much more, quite right, and my cat was there when I had some very dark days. Pets are so precious to us. We can take heart that we loved them too.

Do you have any other pets or are you thinking of getting another dog. I know some say they don't like to replace their pet too soon, but if you can and feel up to it I guess it can be a good idea

X

[duncan1971 in reply to Adorable1]

Yes I have rabbits and birds but when they are unwell I take it to heart and feel that I've not done enough for them

[Adorable1 in reply to duncan1971]

It's nice you have other animals. try not to be too hard on yourself when they are unwell, easier said than done I know, but you are obviously a loving caring person

[Maggiet]

I was so sorry to hear about your loss. I have had dogs for over 50 years and when ever one has passed the grief has been so intense that I physically hurt. If you feel ready for another pet I can recommend the Dogs Trust as they really match a dog to its owner. I used to feel so disloyal to the dog that had passed but I realised that I had a home full of love to give to another rescue dog and the love I've had back is immeasurable. I wish you all the very best xx

[duncan1971 in reply to Maggiet]

Hi thank you for replying at the moment I'm not considering having another dog but I have rabbits which keep me busy at the moment

[Gambit62]

I had a huge depressive episode after my first cat died - okay so that was 30 years ago but it was huge.

I think that sometimes losing a pet is more difficult than losing a person because we project a lot of ourselves on to the pet - not something it is easy to do with another person - so when you lose a pet you are actually losing a part of yourself.

[duncan1971 in reply to Gambit62]

Hi thank you for replying you are right about what you say thank you for giving me a different prospective on this

[Photogeek in reply to duncan1971]

Duncan I meant to say that losing a pet an be harder than

Losing a person, of course it depends on the person. But it

Is very painful.

[duncan1971 in reply to Photogeek]

That's very true Hannah and thank you for replying

[Hidden]

Hello

We lost our terrier, a pat dog in mental health to cancer that was caused by inconsiderate neighbours, the dog was thirteen when He died and was a great miss to those who turned to him for comfort.

It took a long time to get over him, we travelled abroad for a while then went to Dogs Trust to look for another one.

Even now we feel at a loss at what happened especially me, the dog helped me get over a massive depression that included suicide attempts on my behalf, because of what happened I did some improvements to one of the idiots windscreen wipers, that had caused my dogs death, he got away scot free I was arrested after causing £4 damage, that again caused a further crisis and I became suicidal once more, this nearly lead to me been nearly sectioned. Although the whole thing caused problems for me the police met my family and tried to understand what had happened, they sympathised and six month later the CPS wanted to look into the situation, I just let the thing stand. It le just proves the idiot caused the death of a valuable animal, and grief in mental health patients, not forgetting a vet bill of £700. that did not count for much, what more can you say regarding to a society that could not understand.

When we got our new dog we had to have a reference from the vet, strange we went into the kennel for a Jack Russel we came home with a Welsh Collie, called Pax, even now He sometimes gets called PIP our old dog. So I suppose all will sort out and the past will clear and Pax is now three years old and is as daft as a brush, so never feel you will never move on. There is always the new dog waiting for you and if lucky, like Pax you will still suffer bitter sweet feelings of your own dog and if fortunate sometimes you may see your old dogs eyes looking out towards you.

Remember this new dog will have his own ways, He will wangle himself into your heart, and memories of you old dog will pass, with luck you will see him again in the very distant future

BOB

[duncan1971 in reply to Hidden]

Hello thank you for replying it sounds like you have a had a hard time it must have taken great courage to recover from this at the minute I'm not looking for another dog but at least I have rabbits to keep me busy

[Photogeek in reply to Hidden]

Ah Bob that is such a lovely story about Pip and Pax. Pax sounds

Lovely. They do wangle their way into our hearts. I was supposed to

Get a rescue male kitten, the day I went to collect him he had a temperature and was not available, so I took hi sister , Luna , that's

The way life works on us.

Great to hear from you again.

Hannah

[Hidden in reply to Photogeek]

Gland to be back Hannah

BOB

[Hidden]

I sometimes think that we grieve more deeply than expected once we start to get well again.

My cousin died 2 weeks ago. I didn't know Nick that well, but I found myself deeply affected. It was also the first time I've felt that I've come fully out of a depression in 2 years just before that. It can feel strange when it is an animal, but pets are so important to us as they don't judge our mental illness. My cat loves me even when I'm not feeling very loveable

[duncan1971 in reply to Hidden]

Hello thank you for replying I'm sorry about your loss its nice to get different opinions I hope in time to get slightly better and manage my depression

[Hidden in reply to duncan1971]

Although Nick was only 46, I just spoke to my Mum who went to the Tangi (wake and funeral all in one), and it was a wonderful send off. I hope to be able to go to his "unveiling" in 12 months when the memorial will be formally dedicated. Nicks humour still hung around after he passed away, there were some seriously comic moments.

I think the hardest thing about depression is that it seldom gets cured and we need to learn to live with it. I'm leading a very moderate life now because the self care I need to manage the depression I have is worth doing even if it means I must sleep 8 hours a night, exercise and avoid alcohol and excess caffeine!

[Photogeek]

Hi Duncan I'm really sorry about your pet. Grief for a pet is very hard. My poor cat

Got sick very quickly and had to be put asleep. Oh it was terrible and it's hard to

Put a timeline on grief.

I think about her still and have her photo in my bedroom, the Vet gave me a rescue

Kitten later on " Luna" but you can never replace a pet.

If you feel that this grief is not getting any easier( if you know what I mean) maybe

A chat with your GP would help.

Hannah

[anbuma]

hi I can totally empathise with you too.i lost the first dog I ever had to cacner xmas 2006 and had to have him put to sleep.that was the hardest thing i ever had to do.Max was not only a companion but my best friend too.I too cried more for my Max than I did at when my dad died-for a week after .i had to keep going fro my other dog.thye do give you unconditional love and are there for you more than some people are.time does heal.i still think of my Max every day especially when there is a rainbow in the sky cos the day he left me,there was a rainbow there for him.

[Photogeek]

Oh Bev I am so so sorry about your cat. I went through this 18months

Ago and it was awful. I cried so much and still feel that grief. You will

Have to give yourself time , I am sure your cat had a happy life with you, but we don't want to let them go.

My heart goes out to you and grief does not go by timeline

Hannah x

[duncan1971]

Hi thank you for replying its nice to have advice on this I can write my feelings down than talking

[Photogeek]

Duncan.

I have sent you a Poem that might help. If you get a chance to check your messages.

Hannah

[Hidden]

Hi Duncan,

I am so sorry for your loss. I totally empathise with how you are feeling.

For me, I've struggled to trust people in my life, and have felt hurt and let down, and it's only through talking to my counsellor that I've come to realise why I place so much importance on the relationships I have with my animals.

It doesn't mean I don't care any less for the people in my life, but what I've learnt is that with my dog, my horse, my cats, I can be me, completely uncensored, and they don't love me any less when they see everything, warts and all. The bond you have means you put your trust and faith in them as much as they do in you, to tend to their needs, such as food, water, play, comfort. Our needs are more complex, but unlike with humans, with our animals we are safe in the knowledge the they will always listen, reciprocate, trust, not judge. I think this is why we grieve so hard, why we feel the loss so deeply, because through our pets, we discover part of us that we would never reveal otherwise, and in a way, we are mourning that loss of ourselves as well as the loss of our beloved companion.

Be kind to yourself, allow yourself time, it's a huge loss of a very special relationship

Hugs,

Alex xx