hope you are all okay-ish?
i have been a member here for a while now but i dont post all that often.
Over the last few months i have been having a really bad time of it with depression. the company i work for has merged with another and i am finding it so difficult to feel part of any team and that i am actually wanted.
the boss i have has said that i am part of her team but to be honest she couldnt care less. there are procedures which staff members need to follow in the course of the year and to be honest that is the only time i have ever felt that i am part of something. i just feel so invisible and dread getting up out of bed in the morning. the boss also said that i have been invited to things and i want to go but how can i be in others people company when i dont even feel like they care.
i have seen my doctor and to be honest i feel it was a waste of time. they wont change my medication as they dont feel it will change anything. The doctor also wants me to keep going to work but i am finding it harder and harder every day. Doctor also suggested that i change my routine and not just work and watch tv at home. i want to do other things but i am scared of going anywhere as i dont want to be excluded or judged.
i just dont feel like i belong or fit in anywhere. honestly feel so bad and dont know how to carry on. i really just want to hide away from everyone and i know that this wont help matters.
i am sorry for the negatives and the excuses. just really want to talk about things.
thank you for taking time to read this.