HOW TO GET OVER FROM YOUR EX???????

I'm hurt so to the extent that life around me looks like sick tired waste of living life no hope at all.

I just broke up with my gal actually it wasn't the break up a compromise for both to end it!! I wasn't sure of marriage and scared to the fact that how do people react if we get married or thier family when she tells she is in love as they had blind faith tat their daughter won't do any such things just to not hurt dem she never told at home as they wre orthodox jew.. now a guy approched her family who is her colleague knowing dat she is in a realtionship with me to keep d family happy she got hooked wid him and d marriage is on cards she is not happy neither i'm.

But I can't change or do anything now and accept any other gal in my life as I live in a grief of spoiling her life by giving fake assurance I miss those moments and love her like hell but now the words and feelings just remain with me.. I'm not in touch with her I dont want to spoil her new life he is good guy he is helping her to come out of the bad stint by showering her so much love but she has never moved still to be with him so do I?? I wonder will I regret all my life for losing her and can love happen twice I dono wats in d store called life but at the moment I'm hating everything I dont eat food I dont sleep I wake up in d middle of night I wish to end myself for my deeds it haunts me every second did I spoil and exploit her as she regrets now so do I.. but we were madly in love and never thought we were doing wrong.

God help me I can't take d pain of losing and hurting someone she may sleep wid him physically but her soul and mind is not d same as it was wid me.. I can't marry any gal either I dnt hav enough strength to battle out for one more realtionship. . Im sorry forgive me

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  • I would stop thinking about whether you will or won't be able to sustain another relationship and worry about the now. Getting over someone is horrible and the mere thought of them with someone else is enough to make you physically sick.

    psychologytoday.com has some really interesting articles on relationships. Might be worth a look ...

  • Sandy,

    know it is really hard at the moment and the pain is unbearable but it will get less with time.

    There is a meditation I could do when things are really bad which is to sit quietly and follow my breathing for a while and then focus on where the sensations are in my body - the tightness in my chest and just focus on the feeling rather than the reactions to the feeling and being aware of what all the feelings are - the hotness in the eyes is another one for me. It does help me calm down. Not sure if it makes the pain any less but I do find it makes it easier to endure.

    As Lucy says it really is too early to be worrying about other relationships - they will happen when they are meant to happen which is unlikely to be for a while.

    My husband decided he didn't want to live with me or be married anymore about 2003 - the few years before that had been really bad and the physical side of our relationship just deteriorated. At the time it was all very gut wrenching but the pain does go. A few years later I nearly walked straight past him because I didn't recognise him. I had good friends and made new friends and now have another relationship which has probably been going for 4 years.

    Unfortunately it does take time though. Hope the meditation works.

  • Thanx gambit/lucy,

    I'm scared of the future I don't go out of house or trying for an job full of dilemma many things run into mind is it worthwhile leaving and to whom I question myself daily.. I'm not in a state of mind memories haunt me very bad I know I shouldn't b worried of d future but we say so if we dont dream of tommorow how would I live in d present.. I'm happy for her he is good guy and even she must be going through emotional trauma as d first love always hurts.. she keeps crying all d nite I'm so helpless tat I can't do anything. . If I do something now it will be a big blunder hell lot of people to answer y u did n all so dnt find it worth to get her back.. but I can't accept her with other guy also love is really a poison why is it tat we feel she would be wid me irrespective of d conditions. . Life isn't d same now. Time is changing, so does she,

    So must i !!! Love u baby forgive me

  • Sandy, do you live on your own or with family? Do you have family locally and what is your relationship with them like at the moment?

    It is important that you don't cut yourself off from other people completely but it's also true that now probably isn't the time to be taking a lot of major decisions about your future.

    Do you attend a synagogue and would you be able to talk to your rabbi? - doesn't have to be about what has happened but may be about doing some work within your community whilst you decide what it is that you actually want to do.

    The thoughts you are describing are not that uncommon but if they go on for a long time and if you don't keep up some contact with people they won't go away and you will start to get depressed and ill ... so, as KiwiHelen suggests, it might be an idea to see your doctor.

  • Sandy, go see your GP as the problems sound deeper than a break up. Also, you can go to Relate for individual counselling, to work out your fears etc about relationships, but it sounds like going to the doc first is a good idea

  • Guys thanx ur my friends I do share things which are quite weird I know life has messed up relationship career family. Im strong enough to fight back of all odds my family knows of my break up n of my ex gal friend they don't react as they r not much educated n I dnt express too as I have hell lot of things lined up to do being a elder at home.. well on a whole life is a circle u start up again were u had left.. people come into ur life and walk away too.. no one to blame or ditch its a process of life.. if today was perfect god wouldn't have invented tommorow.. I know it hurts post d break ups I have too rise again but I respect and love d relationship no regrets watsoever will surely respect for her privacy and space wid him.. I will never contact her and try to meet or see her either.. well everything happens for a good reason thanx buddies for helping me cope up.. I just wanted to vent out here..

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