Do I go out tonight

I live alone, have no family nearby or any friends. I feel very isolated and I know the only way I am going to get through my depression is to start making friends. The problem is every time I psyche myself up to go out to a pub in the evening I end up becoming so anxious that I wind myself up in a state and this is one of those times. And I'm starting to feel like I shouldn't bother going out to try and meet people.

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  • Try not to get to anxious.

    When I went through a really bad down a few years ago - divorce and work going to pot - it wasn't so much a question of getting out to make friends as getting out to get used to being around other people. I found it much more useful to go to the local History Association and listen to a lecture with other people around as a first step on the road to getting out and about - is there something similar you could do? I was with other people. I was out - there was a chance to speak to people over tea/coffee but most of the time I could just sit and get used to the idea of having other people around me - and learn a bit about some historical subject.

    Might be a less stressful way of approaching it than a full on trip to the pub, but if you do go to the pub, remember that it is always possible to just sit in the corner and read a paper or a book and get used to being around people again that way - it doesn't have to be an evening of heavy full-on social interaction.

    Take it easy and just do small steps.

  • Thanks so much for your advice, I'm planning to go to a folk night at the pub where I've played my violin in jam sessions. I get myself easily wound up because I know I need to move forward and try to get out there to try and be social and I know I'll get frustrated and annoyed with myself if I don't. I know it doesn't make sense at all

  • Does make sense - try not to get annoyed with yourself because it is difficult - just try to enjoy it and the company

  • Thanks for your support, I managed to do it and enjoy the music

  • Glad to hear that you managed to enjoy the music - and hope that you managed to enjoy the company as well.

  • Hi there Lisanne : I hope you managed to go to the pub for your Folk Night. Talk to

    You later.

    Hannah

  • Hi, just got back from the pub, the music was really good, it was nice to get out of the flat and try to do something half normal. I didn't really talk to anyone, I'm a quiet person anyway, but small steps as they say

  • That's great well done, next time you will be up playing

    Your violin. X

  • Hi Bev those are great suggestions for me anyway, I don't know if I

    Would go to a pub on my own. But might try a few of yours . It's just I

    Have been quite Depressed and every night I make a list for next day and vow to go out etc. Some

    Days I don't go out my door never mind meet anyone. Your post helped

    Me but I'm a bit of a hopeless case myself.

    Hannah

  • Hi Bev, I must admit it was very hard, I ended up sitting in a corner with my puzzle book and a glass of coke. There is a Mind centre nearby which has a music session once a week which I go to but I get nervous every time I go, although I do play my violin but I am not very good at all. I find it very difficult to fit in anywhere. I'm 41 and have no family of my own, I'm now unable to have children and I can't work at the moment, I feel like I'm so much of a failure since the majority of people my age have settled down, have their own home and family and a job. I used to be a very active person, but since I finished my degree my life seems to have disappeared

  • Lisanne,

    I too have issues to go out in public as I am shy and I am insecure becuase of my weight and accent. But if you live near by Leeds in West Yorkshire I will be happy to go out with you in a pub as a friend. Let me know if you wish the same.

    Manish

  • Hi Manish, I would take you up on the offer but I live down in Devon:(

  • Thanks Lisanne. it sure is far.

  • Wish I lived near you but I live in Dublin. I too used to play the

    Violin but not for ages. I will send you a few ideas on pm and

    We can try and encourage each other.

    You are still young.You have lots of pluses , intelligent . I often

    Wish I was less intelligent then maybe I would be happier if you know what I mean. I think I am witty and family and friends tell

    Me that I make them laugh. Talk soon.

    Hannah

  • I know exactly what you mean about wishing you were less intelligent. I've been told in the past that the more intelligent you are the more prone you are to being depressed. It's difficult to try to find things to do etc. which are interesting, like you need more stimulation you know

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