Sometimes I just want to cry

I think I've been having 'one of those weeks' where everything feels rubbish and it's not the early nights that are dark. I know I haven't been concentrating or doing my best at work and consequently I've being stressing about whether or not I can do this job.

I'm also the type of person who needs and likes time to myself and I had planned to have a quiet weekend last weekend but due to various dramas involving my youngest sister, I had to play the big sis role and look after her for the weekend. That with the fact I have been really busy for the last couple of weeks has led me to being a bit irritable I think.

Yesterday at work I could feel tears welling up when someone (who was trying to be kind) was offering advice on how to be a bit more forceful and authoratative with people. These are things that I know and have been able to do in the past but I still can't quite get passed some kind of barrier where my inner confidence tells me 'enough is enough!!' I keep having brief moments where my mind suddenly drifts back to this time last year where I was in hospital having my appendix out and in a job which I hated and greatly contributed to my depression! I know there is no definitive cause, but I still feel angry that work caused me to feel so sad and temporarily (I say this because I won't let this be forever) ruined my life. As dramatic as it sounds, it really did, but I do now refuse to let it all beat me. I think that's why when I have low periods I feel like I've let myself down by not being strong enough. I'm just going round and round in circles!

When I got home last night I got in the door and just cried and cried until I eventually went to sleep.

Today I do feel a lot more relaxed, but I have chosen to sit in an area of my office away from too many people so I can disappear in my own world. Sometimes I like that, and sometimes I don't want to socialise. And, I don't care!!

9 Replies

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  • Good on you! To not care about what other people think! I know I struggle with that myself.

    It definitely sounds like you just need a break, maybe a weekend to yourself like you had planned. You just sound like a caged animal (sorry for the picture) that needs to break out for a little while and be yourself, and relax.

    Why not try and plan that for this weekend?

    Hope you feel better soon x

  • Crying is not a sign of weakness but a sign that you have been strong for far too long. Be kind to yourself and take each day as it comes.

  • I'm not a fan of people at all. I actively avoid situations where I know there'll be lots of people.

    It sounds a bit cliche but sometimes a good cry is exactly what is necessary. I always feel a huge sense of relief afterwards. I suppose the time to be concerned is when it's happening lots of nights in a row.

    I hope you have a good weekend and kee us posted on how you're doing x

  • There is nothing wrong with not wanting to socialise. I often go to the cinema on my own, at times when I know it won't be busy, because you know what? I spend the majority of every day around other people. I need to be by myself as well. In reality everyone needs that - there is nothing worse for example, than a relationship where you can't be yourself because the other person insists on doing everything together. It drives people mad. There's a reason Sartre said "Hell is other people"!

    Strangely, I really wish I could cry. I just don't. I can genuinely count on one hand the number of times I've cried in the last ten years or so.

  • Hi Themys

    Interesting to hear you talk about tears. I think men find it harder to express

    Emotion and it's not so socially acceptable for men to cry. They are usually

    Told by their parents that Boys don't cry. In other cultures men can cry, Crying

    Gives that sign that we are distressed and need help, so it serves a good biological

    Need , we get the support.

    So that may explain why you don't cry, the cultural expectations. I often feel

    Sorry for men the way they are supposed to be strong and so on. Anyway before

    I start to babble on, you have a good weekend and enjoy yourself.

    Hannah

    I

  • I've had periods when I've really struggled and have actually burst into tears in the office - but the people around me are really good and understand/accept - mainly because I'm honest that it is the depression rather than something they have done ... and they known not to ask me how I'm feeling because that is one thing that is going to set me off if I'm in a bad place ... I've probably just got to a point of isolating myself from how I'm feeling so I can cope and then someone comes along and reminds me that I have feelings - so unfair :)

    As Hannah says crying is a way of signalling distress but it's also a way to get rid of hormones that are causing problems.

    Having said that though you also loose a lot of fluids so do make sure that you are getting enough to drink when it does happen.

    Hope you manage to get some quiet time this weekend and recharge the batteries.

  • As always, thanks for everyone's support and understanding. I've pretty much accepted that I like and need to cry, and take time for myself and I shouldn't feel guilty or embarrassed about what other people think. But there is still and probably always will be a stigma against openly emotional people and and those who like being by themselves will always be 'considered' weird. I also need to stop worrying about what other people think!!

    But I have absolutely no plans this weekend and I don't intend for it to change!! I already feel so much more relaxed!!!!!

  • Katie have a really relaxing weekend.

  • Hi Katie I know what you mean. My last job caused my depression to come back with a thump! It was a terrible job but I stuck it for 5 and a half years even though I knew it was killing me because I needed the job and the money. Eventually I had a sort of breakdown, was off sick, and got sacked. Even though nearly 4 years later I would still rather be out of work than in that awful job.

    Bev x

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